The Buddha Chokes

Before he could start his busy day of watching College Football, the Buddha needed a little nourishment. So he trundled over to the mini-mart and got himself a liter of orange soda and some Famous Amos chocolate chip cookies. This is a man who, between cigarettes, has broken three desk chairs , including literally cracking the wheels in half on the last one, six customer chairs, and two toilet seats. Can you imagine what it takes to break a toilet seat in two? We had to buy him a chair with a 500 Lb. rating. The Buddha likes the new chair but complains that it is difficult to sleep in.

The Buddha parked himself in front of the big screen and proceeded to pop little cookies into his mouth. One went down wrong, and he started to cough and choke. This went on for several moments, leading Beans to look at Mondo and ask if the Buddha would be okay. They looked at the Buddha and realized that between bouts of choking and coughing, he was still shoveling cookies into his mouth.

An idiot drove slowly by, peering intently into the plate glass, trying to see through the showroom and decide what motorcycle to buy at 5 mph.

Then a moron in a big truck pulling a trailer decided the best place to park was right in front of the Lazy K, blocking both entrances while he went to the service department to see if his ATV was fixed. It wasn't, but they convinced him it was. To check whether or not they fixed whatever problem it has required the moron to race his quad across the parking lot as fast as he could and then slam on the brakes before hitting the mini-mart. He needed to do this several times before deciding it was fixed, loading his quad and giving us our doors back.

Mondo fed Bandit the entire crust of a pizza he'd split with Paco for lunch yesterday and the poodle took a big shit on the carpet. The Rhino covered it up with a paper towel.

Idiot #2 for the day called and the service department told him one of the 4x4 quads isn't really four wheel drive, then transferred him up to sales so they could explain what he meant. Beans picked up the line, listened to his nonsense, then paged Mondo, "Mondo, there's an idiot on line one," Fortunately, she only does this when the store is devoid of customers.

Idiot #2 wanted best prices and detailed specifications on four different ATVs. Somebody at work was selling one and he wanted to know if it was a good deal. He wanted an explanation of what limited slip means. Mondo listened to Idiot #2 for about fifteen seconds, then told Idiot #2 he could find answers to all his questions on the internet. Idiot #2 told Mondo he wanted to talk to him instead. So Mondo said he had another call and put Idiot #2 on punitive hold, then ate an apple. By the time he got back to the line, Beans had hung up on Idiot #2 because she didn't like the sound the phone makes when an idiot is put on punitive hold for a long time.

the CSB spent the morning passed out on her back in the office. She had a date yesterday with a Highway Patrol officer she found on myspace, who she says is the one, then talked on the phone with him telling him how much fun she had, and with Taco Dave telling him she can't wait to see him later. Apparently this is exhausting. Maybe it's keeping all the stories straight that taxes her grey matter. Or the two maracas she got from Canadian pharmacies yesterday.

Then the CSB went to get a massage.

She came back and watched Prime, and found the film inspirational, because it was about her life if Uma Thurman was an aging drugged out skank who screws bottom feeders she scoops up off the internet.

Mondo is getting several very interesting replies from the members of, including one guy who seems to be trying to relive his experiences in Attica.

If you ride a bike, or even if you don't, please sign the Vespatition


Anonymous said...

Pictures. We need pictures. You'll find another job eventually. Quit. But go out in a blaze of glory. We need to see these people.

Anonymous said...

I just read all your posts - very funny. It sounds like your boss is a fucking redneck. who would let their gay dogs run around and shit in a showroom. dumb bitch. I am sure that place wont be be open much longer. I bet she isn't paying your taxes.

thanks for the laughs!