Finger Tight

Famous Nobody, the Dragracing Snitch nobody has ever heard of, is back in service, and things are going astray.

A guy brought in his Honda CBR600RR for the first service.

Famous Nobody did the work, and when the guy took it home, he noticed it was leaking oil.

He called the Lazy K, and was told to bring it back in.

On the ride back to the Lazy K, the drainplug fell out and dumped all the oil on the road. The bike got a little wobbly when the oil hit the rear tire and he could have been really really fucked. That's what happens when an envious little fuck who has nothing to show for his life except things his mother bought him takes out his hostilities on the customers.

When he called the Lazy K from the side of the road, the Service Writer asked the customer why he was riding the bike and not trailering it in. They gave him shit for riding his bike after Famous Nobody finger tightened the drain plug and decided that was good enough and it might be funny to see what happens when it backs out. They didn't offer to pick it up after fucking it up.

It's just a matter of time before another huge negligence case happens at the Lazy K. How many more million dollar lawsuits can they afford?

Yes, We Have No Bikes

We're out of bikes. That might sound like a good thing, if you thought it meant that we have been selling a lot of them. Maybe business has been so good here at the Lazy K that we sold them all.

"We need some more C50s and Vulcan 900s," said Paco to the CSB, "I'll sell every one you get me."

"It's not your place to tell me how to do my fucking job," she replied, "I know how to order bikes, don't I, Mr. Poodle? Mr. Poodle says I do. And he's in charge of ordering bikes, so blame the Pood if you want to blame somebody."

"I've ordered the same bikes every day for a week," said Star, "They are just really backed up at the Mother Ship."

And we looked in the computer, and indeed, there are still bikes to sell. They are all in crates. Lots of them. Old Crusty called us and told us to stop ordering bikes or he won't send us any. Then he asked if anyone had traded in a Bultaco recently, because he wants one for his collection. Old Crusty is not making a lot of sense these days.

So why aren't bikes leaving the Mother Ship, from whence the nasty spawn that runs the Lazy K's emanated?

"There's nobody in setup," said the Rhino, "They've all quit or been fired. And the Runner (the hobbit who brings us the bikes and shows off his new tattoos and scabs) decided to take a couple days off to go to someone's birthday party."

"What idiot would fire all the setup people in the middle of the season?"

Fearless Leader is back in charge, and things are going to be done his way at the Mother Ship, even if he can't hire anyone willing to listen to him and do things right, like they do in State Prison. Unfortunately, in an economy where people at McDonalds make $9 an hour, and illegal aliens make $12 doing construction, even people who think it is really cool to work around bikes don't want to work around bikes and listen to the mindless babble of an assdiot for $7 after they prove themselves a hard worker by sweeping the floor for minimum wage until the next person in Service quits.

Not knowing any better, a lot of new grads from the various Motorcycle Mechanic schools take jobs at the Lazy K, and Fearless Leader likes to spend at least an hour and a half every day telling them that they don't know anything, and they wasted their time and parent's money going to the school, it don't teach you nothing that you can't learn from getting a job at the Lazy K and learning from Fearless Leader, if you're willing to pay your dues and do what it takes to get a job in the Motorcycle industry. Fearless Leader leaves out the part of the story where he returns to the Lazy K because he can't make it on his own as a mechanic, despite telling everyone he could make a lot more money turning wrenches in his garage than he was making as the General Manager and CSBabysitter at the Lazy K before the CSB started fucking Star and decided he was better qualified to run the place.

So we have no bikes. But Fearless Leader is somehow able to explain to Old Crusty that it is not his fault, any more than it was his fault that he drove the customer's quad into the side of the Mother Ship while he was out trying to find Old Crusty a brand new Bultaco and taking a pot break in the field next door.

People just don't want to work anymore.

Stick the Snitch in Service

The Tour Guide came back. He left about a month ago, after giving guided tours of the dealership for a couple months that resulted in 5 sales. He just disappeared one day during his lunch break.

Then Baby Hitler decided he didn't want to be a sideshow in this three ring circus anymore, so he transfered to the East Side Lazy K. Baby Hitler, we miss you. Not really. You're an asshole.

What better person to be a manager than someone who left for lunch and didn't come back? The CSB had Star track down the Tour Guide and offer him a job as Parts Manager. Try to imagine going to lunch one day and not coming back to your job because it sucks. What are the odds that you would be called and offered a management position a month later?

The first thing the Tour Guide did is rally the troops. He, Twerpy the Parts Monkey and Baby Huey went to Star and told them that if Star didn't get Famous Nark out of the Parts Department, they would all quit. Star never wanted Famous Nark back, and doesn't understand why he's working for us again.

If the CSB is in the right state of I'm All Fucked Up on Prescription Meds, she doesn't take well to ultimatums. "I did it alone before, I can do it again," is one of the many things she has slurred, while drooling at the computer and looking at dick pics on craigslist, "I don't need those fuckers. They can all quit. Fuck them all."

Star has grown into the role a bit since most of the sales and support staff have walked off the job. He knows that you can't run a dealership with a fucked up psycho bitch as your boss and only employee . And as long as there are other people to blame for the shit that goes wrong, she will focus elsewhere and not make his life a living hell.

So Star reached down and found his balls and made an executive decision on his own. Star transferred Famous Nark to Service, where he is out of sight. What can a guy who gets his kicks fucking up people's new motorcycles before they take delivery do to hurt the Lazy K anyway?