Hysterical Perspective

Because she feels at times that we portray her unfairly in the blog, the CSB has decided to update the Rhino and our readers as to how things are going in her happy little world. I think most people will agree after reading her latest missive that the CSB is a real catch, and that Freddie Fife, Taco Dave, the guy in Parts with the pills and Tarot the denim clad creep are very lucky indeed.

"Rhino We made much,much, MUCHO more money this season. Hummmm I think we cut the fat worked harded. and got rid of some over paid fat lazy people. Change is good! Our new staff is awesome. All reps have mentioned to me what a much more organzied pleasant place this is. So I say out with the OLD and in with the NEW..YEE-HAW I'm pretty smart for a backward hilly billy. Not bad looking, a bod that rocks and a full bank account. not to mention the 2ct rock on my finger. I'd say life is great. happy happy loving life! Thanks for getting us out of your drama world countless DUIs, b/f running over you with the van, stick in the leg, month stay aat a mental hospital. Good God girl you have issues. Try the 12 step program. I would think sit on your giant butt all day isn't helping. What are you up to now 500-550lbs? have a nice life cow eyes......love ya man but GET HELP SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "

Rooting around between her legs, the CSB could take out Weavepole Dave's sister's pancreas with that nose of hers. It's growing like Jack's beanstalk. Everybody has quit, there is no new staff, the place is an absolute shithole, and we are sitting on rusty new bikes made in 2004 and stored outside ever since. She lies like a cheap carpet.

The CSB imagines herself to be a larger than life historical figure. Catherine the Great with a poodle instead of a horse, or Mae West if Mae ran her father's motorcycle shop and bought all her food at Odd Lots. That's how you know you are a success, when you buy your food at Big Lots and can't spring for the name brands at the Dollar General.

Speaking of nasty cracks, the FSB is still smoking tarpole while the Homeless Guy tries to find new ways to fuck over the employees.

Juan Capistrano, the new F & I guy, didn't just quit, he fled the scene and took his name off every contract he could on his way out so he won't be one of the defendants when the shit hits the fan. We can't sell bikes because there is nobody to do paperwork at the Lazy K. So the big surly fat girl from the East side came in to to clean things up and help us deliver some fucking bikes. She spent the entire day bitching about what we've done, and trying to uncover Juan Capistrano's tracks. In short, she did nothing while Baby Hitler tried to figure out why the parts department is so fucked up since he left.

Before he fled the jurisdiction, Juan Capistrano delivered 23 bikes that never got financed. That means 23 people are riding bikes for free. We sold some of their trades already. Star says it's bad, and that he won't let the Buddha come back to make things right because the Buddha just sat there and watched it happen after the CSB replaced him one afternoon with someone who couldn't do the job. So why doesn't Star sort out the paperwork and get these bikes financed? He's the manager, managers know how to do this.

Hey Freddie, where was the CSB today? With a customer? Yea, right... Was that clam a little salty? I know. More to follow.

As I Lay Lying

Dear Readers,

We are pleased to announce the arrival of a new writer, who wishes to remain anonymous. Last night, after the bars closed, we received the following story, sent in excerpts from about 2:15 to 4:00 AM. Makes for an interesting, if not quite compelling read, and I especially appreciate the Faulkneresque employment of stream of consciousness.

Hopefully we will receive more great stories from this person, and she will send us her email address so we can add her to our stable of writers.

Any guesses as to authorship? My bets are on Tits Ahoy, the Meal Ticket and everyone's favorite user of misspelled words, the Lovable Old CSB.

"I have to say I am getting sick of all the b/s about the CSB.SO WHAT SHE DOES PILLS!Same shit! It's getting old!Let's post something new!!!! How about.....

The CSB... She struggles with a company of total season! Yeah well who wouldn't? If you sold mosquito nets, do you really think you would make a profit in the winter? I really use to be with this BLOG, an think is was great,But now I want to make the people out there that just read the words an wait for more, maybe appreciate THE AUTHOR.

Well let me see if I can remember the story. The Buddha aka budha or budisim or whatever the fuck it is you use.He sat behind the finance desk, always having a smile on his face,never to hurt anyone.Of course what man/woman would want to hurt a soul when thier life is being ripped out of their daughter or son? Could you imagine working, knowing that one day you might get the call that the one you love is gone? NO! I honestly don't think anyone on this BLOG could understand the pain this man went through If you ask me?(which NO ONE has,thank god)I would say this man has as many values as a goverment official.He may have not laid his life on the line, took gunfire upon himself or been behind enemy lines,But this man took his only chance on a company willing to save a life.A life that he didn't ask to be given,but chose to take.You may hate the company and what its about,an who its involved with,but at who's exspense are you costing.

Let Me See If I Can Remember!!
STAR! Everyone wants to hear a story about STAR, well here it is,
When I first met star I honestly thought he was gay!BUT!!! I realized his "mojo".This guy has it,he has figured it out,an I LOVE IT!All straight women flock to a gay man asking stupid questions, that no straight man would answer. Am I fat? Do you think I'm sexy?Do you want me?WHY ARE ALL THE GOODMEN GAY???? BOOM!!! Well hello i'm not gay!Your not? NO! But you told me I was fat? Well bitch you are! But a few more, an AWWW you'll still be FAT!! But what the fuck.If your still here at the end of the night I'll call u a cab/an pay! Depending on how drunk I am.Maybe i'll take you home with me.If your cute when i'm sober!Is she cute? Ohhh fuck IT pussy is PUSSY!!!"


The new Concours is mulletbait. We stuck it in front of Paco's desk, now that he's back and needs to talk to all the weirdos. The best opening line when you find someone on his knees peering under the bike is, "What model BMW do you ride?"

A woman came back with her Harley gear clad husband to look at the Suzuki S40 she's thinking of trading up to. He has a VTX1800 that he bought for $7,998 when Honda was having a fire sale on those ponderous pieces of crap, and loaded with $8,000 worth of bright and shiny trinkets so it looks like a two wheeled disco ball. He likes to tell everyone in the bike store that people have asked him what model Harley he rides. Maybe if all his clothes and the do-rag he wears didn't say Harley Davidson, he wouldn't confuse people and then make them think he's an idiot when he confesses to riding a Honda.

The Honda Davidson rider asked Mondo if we would lay the bike on it's side so his wife could try to pick it up. Mondo asked if he could lay the VTX1800 over and try to pick it up first. The guy looked at Mondo like he was insane, then asked to speak to the manager.

The CSB was running her dogs and her mother's dogs through the weavepoles, so Mondo pointed at her and told the guy to go talk to her.

The CSB said it would be fine, so the Honda Davidson rider laid the bike over and we watched as oil and gasoline ran out of the bike. She couldn't pick it up. After they left, the CSB started screaming for someone to clean up the fucking mess before her dogs got poisoned.

Across town, we've got another interesting service issue. One of the $7 an hour technicians stripped a bolt out of the frame of a customer's Suzuki C50. For some reason, the only way to fix this is to replace the frame, and the Homeless Guy wants the technician who stripped the bolt to pay for a new frame. The customer's bike remains in service until the $7 an hour technician earns enough to buy a new frame. So the customer is without a bike and the Homeless Guy is withholding the technician's paychecks. Is this legal?

Can we all just get along

Welcome, my curious sisters and brothers first, put a twenty in the jar with the others(that's right take a seat)ain't no smokin in here, I need to keep my ball clear there spirits in there (what's your future, someone gonna shoot ya)will you get your girlfriend back, as if I know that I can only tell you where your soul is headedand will remain eternally embedded, the rest forget it life is nothin but a test to clear did you have a heart while you where here and was it sincere?Your still unravelling your future right now what kinda person are ya bro, oh, well there you go you control your own muthafuckin' destiny I aint lettin' the devil get the best of me(I'm gonna make it into Shangri-La) golden walls what's up with you check your own crystal balls Lookin my crystal ball its allright Layback, evolve, and I'll be alright lookin in my crystal ball I'm seein' thugs both catchin' and firein' slugs(paper for drugs) I see a man waiting on block cheese in my lawn tryin to be strong(its the same old song)but when I look into everybody's faces(smile) there soul is headed other places and they ain't worried about payin them dues down here(because they mothafuckin future is crystal clear)the focus switches to you and it ain't good all mad cause someone rolls up into the neighborhood check yourself if judgement was passed, yo, you be in hell(right up the ass-hole) the haten will get ya if ya let it pack your speedo's I hear its hot where you headed I'm trying to tell ya now (when the grim reaper calls)you don't wanna be asked out grippin' your crystal balls! Look into my crystal ball its all black and everybody's frozen in time front to back their controlled by the matrix of mind, body and soul and I'm branded by the system of carnival freekshow I see the fame analyse cause nothin is the skies its the same as seein the death in the demons eyes I'm high in my sites, from the truth of my crystal ball believe me when I say we comin for all of ya'll look deep into my crystal ball see the dead smokin on trees and drinking alcohol underneath the street beneath the concrete if you listen to the night you can hear my heart beat encased in glass for the whole world to see am I inside, or is the crystal ball inside of me.