The CSB has been rather distraught lately. Freddie is showing all the too familiar signs of wanting to escape as he has come to realize he is just another nice guy who met a crazy on myspace.

To the CSB, their relationship has an all too familiar refrain, as he tries to pull away without provoking her into a pschotic episode then realizes at the end that that doesn't matter, what matters is putting some distance between himself and this fucking nutcase. This is twisting the CSB even tighter, because she doesn't understand how someone can go from "I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you," on myspace before you've even met each other to "I don't need the drama," and telling his friends at work the CSB would benefit from longterm psychiatric care.

In deference to the CSB, Freddie has stuck around long after realizing she is still involved with Mr. Pill, and several "ex" boyfriends, fuckbuddies, guys she meets at motorcycle events and fucks, guys at the Lazy K she blows for drugs, the only straight guy in dog agility, and guys with dick pics on craigslist. So the CSB may be justified in feeling like Freddie led her on.

The CSB is so distraught over the thought of being alone once again that she didn't even fire the parts guy who refused to mow her lawn, saying it wasn't part of his job description. She did make him repair the weavepoles Weavepole Dave made, and thought, "maybe I'll call Weavepole Dave. I wonder what he's up to."

Weavepole Dave is still up to thinking the CSB is someone to be avoided.

Needless to say, Mr. Pill has been helping the CSB get through this crisis.

Last night, one of the technicians saw the CSB wandering down the freeway at about 45 miles an hour, cross two lanes and ride the shoulder down the exit ramp, run a red light and come to a stop in the middle of the road then back up onto the freeway again because she got lost on the way home and taken the wrong exit.

Ealy on, when things were wonderful and she was the hottest woman he'd ever met in his life, Freddie and the CSB talked at length about getting a Russian Terrier together.

Can you imagine how fucked up that mutt would be?

The Serious Rider

Mondo took the call. It was from a guy who wanted to know if we allow test rides.

"What do you want to ride?"

The guy was a Serious Rider. He had a list. The Serious Rider told Mondo he was preparing for the Ironbutt Rally, 11,000 miles of two wheeled intensity in 11 days, and wanted to evaluate the Honda ST1300, the Yamaha FJR1300 and the new Kawasaki Concours. He asked if we had the bikes in stock, and said he wanted to take them each out for about 100 miles, to put them through their paces. Mondo asked him to read off his list again, then said he'd go check. Mondo put the Serious Rider on hold and went back to feeding Bandit cookies covered in margarine.

After twenty minutes, the Serious Rider called back. Some idiot had left him on hold while they were checking inventory, and he wanted to complain to a supervisor. Mondo put him on hold and then got back on, pretending to be a slow talking West Virginia hillbilly with the IQ of a stick/manager. The Serious Rider went through his speech again about the Iron Butt Rally, and how important he is in the world of long distance riding, and asked again if we have the bikes in stock, because he lives far away and no dealer around him has them, especially the new Concours, and will let him ride, and somehow or another Honda has the Lazy K listed as a testride center on their website.

"I'm looking at 'em all right now," said Billy Ray, the friendly but simple minded manager, "Come on in and I'll make sure you get to ride them as long as it takes for you to make up your mind. When are you going to be buying a bike?"

"Right now I just want to ride everything, and if I think one is better than the BMW, I'll buy it from whomever gives me the best price. I will give you a chance to earn my business, but there's a local dealer I do business with, and you'd have to beat his price by a substantial sum to justify making a second trip out."

"Sounds pretty good. Why don't y'all ride them at that there place then?" asked Billy Ray, Mondo's hillbilly alter-ego.

"My local dealer doesn't have floor these models. In fact, you're the only dealership I've found that has the new Concours in stock."

That should have been a clue.

"Yep, we just got six of them. Both colors. Come on in and do y'all some ridin'."

The Serious Rider was coming from four states over, and couldn't make it in until Wednesday. Wednesday is Paco's day off.

"Y'all make sure you ask for Paco," said Billy Ray, "We'll get y'all hooked up with some test rides."

"That's not the guy who hung up on me, is he? I don't want to deal with that guy again. He's a jerk."

Wednesday morning rolls around and there's the Serious Rider waiting in the parking lot for the Lazy K to open. He has been there since 8 AM, because that's when he's sure the manager told him the Lazy K opens. So he's had two hours to peek through the windows and not see any of the bikes he's ridden his gadget laden BMW across four states to spend the entire day evaluating.

We don't stock them because they don't sell and when they do, it's to know it alls who will fly across country to save $100, because of the principal of the thing.

The Serious Rider walked through the Lazy K, purposeful, looking for the bikes he's come to ride. When he didn't see them, he approached Mondo, who was busy feeding Bandit bones and skin from a chicken he'd bought on Monday.

"Is Paco here?"

"Day off."

"I made an appointment to evaluate some models, and I don't see them here. Is there somewhere else they might be?"

"We don't do test rides."

The Serious Rider explained what an important person he is, how far he'd come, and became quite antagonistic. He told Mondo that he is the moderator of a group of very important BMW riders and that he's pretty sure the Lazy K doesn't want to get a bad reputation on the internet, especially amongst a group of riders who don't ride what we sell and are a pain in the ass to deal with when they order the wrong parts for something old they bought off a neighbor.

"You can talk to the manager. He's over there."

Mondo pointed at Star then went back to reading a Weekly World News story about Bat Boy.

The Serious Rider told Star he was pretty upset with the level of service he'd received at the Lazy K. He wanted us to pay for his gasoline and trip expenses because he'd ridden a long way after the manager told him we have the bikes in stock and he could take them out and ride the piss out of them.

"I'm the manager, and I don't know what you are talking about. We don't allow test rides, especially to people who tell us they have no intention of buying a bike from us. That would be stupid on our part, wouldn't it?"

The Serious Rider explained how serious a rider he is, and that he was going to send emails to Honda, Yamaha and Kawasaki and the Better Business Bureau. He was going to post bad things about the Lazy K on the Internet. He demanded to talk to the other manager, the one with the Hillbilly accent named Paco.

Star said there was no other manager, so the Serious Rider wanted to talk to the owner.

The CSB evaluated the Serious Rider as a possible sperm donor while he rambled on about the low quality of customer service he'd received up to that point, but decided his dick was probably too small to be of much use to her. And he whines. The CSB told the Serious Rider that the test ride manager is the Poodle.

"The Poodle says that if you sign a release and wear a helmet, you can ride an ATV in the parking lot."

On his way out, the Serious Rider threatened to sue the Lazy K for the cost of his trip.

"It's good practice for the Iron Butt Rally," said Mondo.

Star said that if he figures out who told the Serious Rider he could test ride a lot of bikes, he will fire that person. He made us all sign a memo that we know the Lazy K does not allow test rides, even though the CSB let a fat guy in shorts and sandals ride a VTX1800 in the rain yesterday.

The BBB, Honda, Yamaha and Kawasaki forwarded us emails from the Serious Rider stating that because of how we'd treated him at the Lazy K, the Serious Rider had bought a 2007 BMW R1200 RT-P, with a link to a website showing that he'd managed to attach every bright and shiny doodad and geegaw in all the BMW accessory catalogs combined to the damn bike. He further stated that he would never do business with the Lazy K again and was going to post negative things about the Lazy K on every website he could. And he asked Honda, Yamaha and Kawasaki to reimburse him for his gas and travel expenses.

We were quite amused to learn that the final drive of the Serious Rider's perfect BMW exploded in Canada, leaving him looking at all his bright and shiny accessories twinkling cheerily in the twilight, telling him where he was and that he'd stopped moving.

We hope Bat Boy gets him.

Don't Piss Off the Trolls

At the mother ship, where the bikes are shipped and assembled before making their ways to the respective Lazy Ks, Fearless Leader runs a tight ship. He finds trolls, little tatooed people with an assortment of facial and other piercings, unfit to be seen by the public, who can't get a job anywhere else and think working with motorcycles is cool, and pays them $7 an hour to hide in the back and unpack the motorcycles, put the wheels on, and ship them to the various Lazy Ks.

Fearless Leader is an asshole and nobody likes working for him. He is such a dick that the CSB got rid of him, the Lazy K went completely to shit, and they still won't ask him to step in and save the place again by restoring verbal beatdowns and giving the CSB another 28 day vacation.

One little troll finally had enough of Fearless Leader, so he jumped over the fence and drove the forklift into 67 crated motorcycles after work Saturday. Then he knocked over two rows of assembled bikes that were left to age in the sun and rain since last fall. The Crusty Clan spent Monday trying to figure out which little troll hates the Lazy K the most and who left the key in the forklift, so the GOB, (Greedy Old Bitch) can fire him from his $7 an hour job and make sure he never works in this industry again, and have narrowed it down to everyone who works with Fearless Leader. There are a lot of suspects, and Fearless Leader is interrogating all of them.

Old Crusty is shocked and hurt that anyone would want to harm his beloved Lazy K.

All the little trolls and most of the employees at the Mother Ship think it's pretty funny. And it's going to be a while before we get bikes again at any of the stores.