Paid Friends

Star is one of the salespeople at the Lazy K. He has a girlfriend. For a while, between Ellie May and Tits Ahoy, the Lazy K couldn't find anyone to work for a mere pittance. So Star talked his girlfriend, a nursing student that makes you terrified of getting sick and having to go to the hospital, into being the receptionist. She found answering phones and transfering calls a little easier than running catheters up old withered pricks.

We hired her as Ellie May was leaving, and had to give Ellie May a 50 cent raise so she would be making the same amount as someone young and cute with no experience was going to start at.

The CSB liked the new receptionist. For some reason, many of the customers and perverts who lurk at the Lazy K thought she might be the CSB's daughter. And she adores the CSB. She got her hair highlighted like the CSBs and even went out and paid too much at Petland for a small dog, like the CSBs. The little dog died four days later, leaving Star's girlfriend $3600 in debt and having to prove to Petland she didn't kill the dog. An autopsy was called for and the CSB, between bouts of cruising for molesters on myspace, sent an email to her fellow little dog fanatics calling for a boycott of Petland until they gave Star's girlfriend a new dog. She called Petland four times from the Lazy K and told the person on the other end of the phone to go fuck herself when they were not forthcoming with another puppy.

But alas, all good things must come to an end. Nursing school started, and Star's girlfriend had to return to the world of catheters and colostomy bags.

The CSB was crestfallen. She had a friend, a daughter almost, someone who liked highlights and small dogs and making them do dumb things. So she did the only thing she could think of. She told Star's girlfriend that she could stay on the payroll and clock in and they could just talk and hang out, meanwhile Star's girlfriend would be getting paid to be her friend.

Like sleaze? Want to see more? check out the link below.


Mondo heard that the Lazy K was the best place for a salesperson to make money, because they have no rules on what you can charge customers. He came from another dealership that he only worked at for two weeks. Mondo only works in the summer months and spends the rest of the time traveling by bike. Also he has a girlfriend in every country that he visits.

He is quite good at sales. Let me give you a perfect example:

Beans has a friend named Beanie. Lesbians often have the same name, imagine yelling out your own name in bed! Anyway, Beanie came in to the Lazy K to buy another bike. She asked for Beans but unfortunately it was her day off.

Mondo was nice to Beanie, he even helped her decide that she didn’t want a street bike but a dirt bike. It was Mondo’s best deal. The new dirt bike was a three year old left over model that had been sitting in the Lazy K’s outdoor warehouse. It had nice rust colored forks and rims. MSRP on this unit is $2299, but Mondo offered it to her for $1999. Mondo explained to Beanie that this fine jewel was $59 dollars per month. What a deal!!! She couldn’t pass it up. Later she realized that the total on the loan was $4687.18, and she didn’t really want a dirt bike.

That following day Beans received a phone call from Beanie. “I bought a dirt bike and I really wanted a street sport bike, and I can't kickstart it. Can I return it?” Beans told her that there was nothing she could do once the paperwork is done and the merchandise has been picked up, it’s a done deal. Beans was upset that her friend was a victim of Mondo.

ondo’s sister is an artist in another state. I’d say it’s safe to assume that it runs in the family. Mondo is a con-artist. Friar Tuck even spent all last winter on the internet trying to find someone that the con-artist ripped off, so they would come and put Mondo behind bars. Friar found some good information about Mondo owing a half million dollars to one of the 50 states. No such luck with eliminating Mondo, because apparently the state has more important people to be concerned with.

Just to fuck with Mondo for all the shit he does to people. Rhino found a great way to play a prank on him. He left his cell phone lying on his piles of junk on his desk. Rhino plucked it from the filth. She found his “in town” woman’s number and sent her a loving text message. Then she erased it. Mondo only was able to see the reply. It read: How sweet! Me too. -------I LOVE U.

Then at 3a.m. Mondo’s cell phone alarm went off. Also the great work of Rhino.

A Lesson in Appropriate Behavior

It was a rainy day so naturally it was slow at the Lazy K. The CSB left for the day. With nothing else going on, Tits-a-ahoy played on the work computer while Beans played with her hair.

Beans has a sick addiction to playing with hair. It doesn't matter if its her own or someone else's. She also makes a strange clicking sound with her tongue, kinda like she is sucking on a nipple. Beans claims that she has been doing this all 29 years of her life.

Beans is twisting away at Tits-a-ahoy's hair when a customer walks in to speak with Fearless Leader. Fearless Leader was blabbing away at anyone within earshot about what a great racer he used to be. Then he realized the customers were distracted by the girls behind him doing a hair ritual. Or maybe they were bored with his story. Either way they weren't listening to Fearless Leader and when he speaks the world should stop.

After the customers left, Fearless Leader told Beans "that is inappropriate behavior, people might think you are gay!" Fearless Leader is sharp as a marble, umm hello, Beans is gay.

Fearless Leader decided to go out back, smoke a blunt, and down a 40 to calm his nerves. He stumbles back in to the store. Finally makes it behind the front counter to apologize to Beans and Tits. Then he gives a love tap to Beans' ass. Wobbling a little more he almost falls but thank the heavens that Tits-a-ahoy has watermelons that he can grab onto and save himself.

Here's an appropriate gift for your youngster

The Poodle cyberstalks

Tits Ahoy had a boyfriend. They broke up and started trading insults back and forth on myspace. He accused her of being a slutbag and she replied that he is a closet homosexual. This went on for several days. One by one, Tits Ahoy pulled the other members of this all too comic train wreck waiting to happen over to the computer Suzuki bought the company so we could show prospective customers various models that we don't stock but can order, and let them partake of the banter, reading aloud the most interesting of the exchanges before forwarding them to all her myspace friends and relatives.

The CSB became interested in the witty repartee, and decided to add to the drama. So she logged onto myspace with the Poodle's account and told Psycho Jedi, the ex, that he, the Poodle, is having sex with Tits Ahoy, fucking her eight ways to Sunday, and that she is begging for more. And he doesn't know why Psycho Jedi left Tits Ahoy, because she is now the Poodle's favorite bitch.

Psycho Jedi responded to the Poodle by saying that he wished the Poodle luck, that the Poodle wouldn't ever reach bottom in Tits Ahoy, and that Tits Ahoy is, believe it or not, a cheating slutbag.

The CSB replied, speaking, or rather typing, in the voice, or rather bark, of the Poodle, saying that maybe Psycho Jedi isn't man enough to fuck Tits Ahoy properly.

Psycho Jedi answered back that the Poodle shouldn't fuck with him, Tits Ahoy is a lesbo slutbag, and that if he didn't keep his snout shut, Psycho Jedi would make it so the Poodle went to work with half a face.

The Poodle then said maybe Psycho Jedi has a very small dick.

Then the Poodle asked Psycho Jedi if he could be Psycho Jedi's friend, hoping Psycho Jedi would respond affirmatively and they could exchange insults in one another's comment space.

Psycho Jedi replied that he really is going to fuck up the amazing typing dog really bad, and that Tits Ahoy is a real slutbag and really big skank, and that no, he doesn't want to be the Poodle's friend. And he reiterated that he really is going to fuck up the Poodle really bad if the Poodle doesn't stop fucking with him.

While she was typing on behalf of the Poodle to Psycho Jedi, the CSB moved in her chair, and it ran over one of the Poodle's legs. He yelped.

"You fucking idiot, get out from under the chair," said the CSB, "Dumbass can do agility but he can't get out of the way of my fucking chair."

Later this evening, Mr. Moose got on myspace as the Poodle and told Psycho Jedi he really should consider Penis Enhancement surgery.

Ever wonder what happens when dogs taunt lunatics on myspace?

Taco Dave and the dealer plate

Things aren't going well for the CSB with the new man of her dreams, so Taco Dave is back sniffing around. He brought his little dog over to play while he took one of the dealerships used bikes out for a ride. The dogs played and fought and barked, and chased little children back to their parents, and took turns pissing on things. Then they collected in the doorway and decided to hump one another. So as customers came in to buy things, they had to step over or around little humping dogs to get to the motorcycles and ATVs.

The CSB thinks it is adorable to watch dogs hump in the doorway, so she takes video of them, then posts it on the Poodle's myspace, and has everyone in the store come and watch it on the computer while she makes bizarre comments.

When Taco Dave came back with the used bike, the dealer plate was missing. So the CSB went back to the service department and screamed at the guy who gets $7 an hour to wash the bikes and keep the place clean that he is a fucking idiot and is going to pay to replace the plate. Then she got the leashes and went out with Taco Dave to walk the dogs.

The guy who gets $7 an hour to work his ass off for a boss who will never be satisfied told everyone there was no way the plate could have come off. Baby Hitler told him he is a fucking idiot after the CSB got done screaming at Baby Hitler about hiring fucking incompetents.

The guy who gets $7 an hour doesn't think it's fair that he has to pay for the plate.

Our dental plan just changed. This is the new provider.

Tacky Ass

As you read this, keep in mind that Mondo is around 47 yrs old and Friar Tuck is a little over 30.

It's getting near the end of the Suzuki dead line and Mondo is pulling out every trick in the book to sell two more Suzukis so he can receive his bonus. Friar Tuck tries to take Mondo out of his game by telling him "Beans, Paco, and I have decided to not sell you any of our Suzukis so you have to get your bonus on your own" Friar Tuck told Mondo that he'd bet him 100 bucks that he won't be able to pull it off. Mondo boasted back "I have two more hours tonight and all day tomorrow to sell them."

Then at the last half hour of the day, wouldn't you know it, two young guys want a Suzuki "buddy pack" and Mondo happily grabs a bill of sale to start the paper work. This pissed off Friar Tuck, his face was red and he looked around for something to do to Mondo. Finding a tack in his desk, he snatched it up and ran over to Mondo's chair and placed it neatly upwards.

Beans having somewhat of a heart said "Oh my God, what are you doing that's going to hurt!, you can't do that!" Just then Mondo working fast, while his customers are looking at accessories, he sits right down on the tack! YEEEEEEOOOW!!! It was like watching a cartoon character. Steam rolled out of his ears when he picked up the tack and glared at Friar.

Then he runs over and tries to stab Friar with the tack like it was a steak knife in a horror film. Beans and Paco are in stitches watching the whole thing go down like it was a preschool play ground. Finally the CSB looks up from myspace and asks, "what is going on?" And like they were caught by a teacher, they stopped, looked up and said "Nothing."

Here's a place that is run like the Lazy K