Buy Here, Pay Here

The high gas prices are bringing them out of the woodwork. We get about fifteen calls a day from people asking about scooters. Most of them have seen the stuff online and figure that it should be cheaper to buy a Honda or Yamaha at a dealership than some piece of crap from China off the internet. If we have real live customers, they get put on punitive hold until they call back. If it's slow however, and the CSB is passed out in the back room, we put them on speaker phone.

"Lazy K, how may I help you?"
"What's your cheapest scooter?"
"How much are you looking to spend?"
"Not more than $500."
"We have one for $499."
"Really? What kind is it? I don't want none of that cheap Chinese crap."
"You have your choice between a Honda or a Yamaha."
"How fast will they go?"
"About 85."
"I'm liking that. Do you have financing where you don't check credit?"
"How does it work?"
"We give you the bike today and you pay us when you can."
"Now that's what I'm talking about."
"How much money can you put down?"
"I don't want to put no money down."
"Sounds good."
"What's the interest rate? I ain't paying no bullshit interest rate like 12%."
"I don't blame you. Nobody should charge high interest to a deadbeat who doesn't pay his bills. That's a ripoff."
"That's right. What bus will bring me there?"
"I don't know."
"Can't you look it up online?"
"Hold on."

And he did. For 18 minutes. When he called back and asked about five hundred dollar Honda we were going to let him ride home on today, Friar Tuck told him we just sold the last one. He called Friar Tuck a dick and hung up.


Last Friday, the FSB came into the LazyK and hung seven dreamcatchers she bought at the Dollar Store in various places throughout the store. Today, she came back and instructed Star to remove one and move another one 27 millimeters to the right.

The FSB instructed Star to handle the Dollar Store dreamcatchers with latex gloves so his essential oils wouldn't cloud their ability to cleanse the space and activate success energy in the employees, and place the non-operational dreamcatcher into a Fed-Ex envelope that she had drawn sacred symbols on with a Sharpie.

Apparently the spirit world is on the metric system.