The Nark is Back

Famous Nobody, the drag racing legend and great mechanic nobody has ever heard of, was unable to find work anywhere else between the Lazy K and Cuba. So he returned triumphant, because Famous Nobody is a winner. And even though Star said, "I thought we weren't going to hire Famous Nobody back because he's such an asshole," the CSB hired Famous Nobody back while Star was out playing with his Wii and Baby Hitler, and Famous Nobody showed up for his first day of work when the CSB was on one of her long one day drifting into the next extended days off, the ones where she wakes up and realizes she is late for work, then that three days have passed since she got home from the Lazy K, she's out of percocets, her car is parked on the front lawn, it's mid-afternoon, the sushi she bought at Krogers on her way home from work and left out on the counter is more pungent than her vagina after Taco Dave, the Radio Rep who thinks he's a kangaroo, some guy from Myspace and two Craigslist casual encounters and the house is full of dogshit. So Star stuck Famous Nobody back in the parts department, because how much damage can a totally useless individual with a knack for turning everything he touches into shit really do in the parts department?

Famous Nobody likes Parts. He gets to look at videos of drag racing all day on the store computer and ignore people to the point where they storm out swearing that they will never set foot in this fucking place again. Ever. Famous Nobody laughs when this happens. He thinks it is funny. He likes being in control. That's not how it is at home, where Mom tells Famous Nobody what to do all the time. He's only been back a day and a half, and already Star has had to field three complaints from now ex-customers about Famous Nobody's bad attitude and general stupidity. In addition, Famous Nobody has dropped three helmets, just to see how they bounce.

Something to keep in mind when thinking about inviting Famous Nobody into the tunnel to share a joint;

Famous Nobody got busted for drugs and set up a few of his friends instead of facing the music. Now one of Famous Nobody's "friends" is doing three years because Famous Nobody couldn't keep his fucking mouth shut. Imagine how you'd look being led from your workplace in handcuffs while the dumbshit who set you up is riding a Honda CRF50 into a wall and complaining that his balls hurt.

Famous Nobody is a nark.


A Few Dollars Short

The CSB is late.

The Old Battleax has been calling all morning long, asking where she is. The deposit bag came up $260 short, and someone has to pay. Star is off, so the Rhino has been fielding her calls. The Rhino doesn't know if it is her place to tell the Old Battleax that Tits Ahoy told her that last night the CSB made Star give her the keys to the deposit bag, which she is not allowed to have, by order of the Old Battleax, and she, the keys and the deposit bag spent some private time locked in the bathroom together. So the Rhino has had to tell the Old Battleax who has access to the cash, and who was here yesterday. Over and over again. The Rhino wasn't. So her job is safe. The Old Battleax thinks Tits Ahoy is a thief. She wants to call the police.

Because Star is gone and the CSB is late, nobody can approve deals, so we haven't been able to sell anything all day.

Around 2 in the afternoon, the CSB came weaving across the parking lot in her SUV and parked it right in front of the double doors, almost taking out a guy who was leaving in haste because Baby Hitler had once again fucked up his parts order. She got out and dragged her dogs into the store, then gave the weird guy the keys and told him to park her car then go put some gas in it. The CSB didn't have any makeup on, and her eyes were little beads of polished flint in her pasty white face. She had on the same pair of fat pants she has worn every day since she gained fifteen pounds, and that sour smell you associate with sweaty drug addicts. The CSB was frighten small children scary, and unable to express herself in a manner which made sense to anyone. Even the dogs were confused when she started swearing at Bandit and yanking back hard on her leash for not going into the store fast enough to suit the CSB.

The Rhino told the CSB that the Old Battleax has been calling all morning about the missing money, and wants to fire Tits Ahoy.

"You better not have told that old cunt anything," said the CSB, "It's not your place to talk to her about anything. I hate that fucking bitch. I wish she'd mind her own fucking business. Why won't she die and leave me alone?"

Something snapped in the Rhino that afternoon, and she came to the conclusion that her job description didn't include lying to the CSB's mother in order to protect her sticky fingered little bitch of a boss, or listening to the CSB tell her that if anyone told the Old Battleax that Star had given her the keys to the deposit bag they would be fired, or listening to her complain that she only took $120, and some fucker is stealing from her, and if it's Star, she will have the little fucker neutered, especially if he stole more than she did. He is paid very well for what he does, so he better not be stealing. He should be grateful to have his job, because he fucked up the entire parts department when he was the manager, and money was missing back there all the time too. So the Rhino stood up, told the CSB that she needed the rest of the afternoon off, and lumbered gracefully toward the front door.

The CSB shouted across the showroom to Tits Ahoy, who was standing right beside her, "Make sure the Rhino clocks out, then call the police and let them know she is driving without a license."

The CSB told everyone to mind their own fucking business and keep busy and took Tits Ahoy into the backroom where they spent an hour together putting the CSB's makeup on.

The CSB and Tits Ahoy sat down together at the computer. Tits Ahoy read the latest post and comments in the blog to the CSB, then the CSB dictated rambling replies, trying hard to make it sound like she is witty and bright and not all fucked up. Unfortunately, Tits Ahoy can't spell as well as the Rhino, and lacks the Rhino's ability to convert CSBSpeak to coherency, so the CSB is not as clever online as she used to be. They went searching for images of shaved vaginas and the word Tussy on the computer Suzuki bought us to process warranty claims, found pictures of Tussy and emailed them to all the radio reps and people the CSB thinks want to fuck her, spent an hour surfing, then the CSB passed out at the computer and began to drool.

That's when the real stealing began.

If you've got cash and the CSB is passed out and Star is off playing with his Wii, it's cash and carry back in the parts department. You can "buy" a top of the line Arai helmet that retails for $600 and cost $150 and twenty vicodin when the CSB ran the show, for $50. Need tires and clutches for your Hayabusa? Cash is king and everything's 90% off when Twerpy's mamma needs new shoes.

What A Whiner

I recently took my 2004 Hodaka 750 cc motorcycle to The Lazy K for 20K mile service. After riding the bike some 40 miles back home, I noticed several things wrong with the bike. In addition to scratches on the bike that weren't there when I took it in, 2 Titanium bolts that hold the rear fairing to the frame were missing.

The idle mixture adjustment mechanism wasn't where it was supposed to be. I also noticed 2 left front pinch axle bolts protruding past the recess on the lower front fork. After removing these 2 bolts with my fingers I checked all the other bolts associated with the front suspension, only to find none of them torqued to factory specification.

Even the brake caliper mounting bolts had not been torqued to factory specification.

Upon removing the gas tank to retrieve the idle mixture mechanism, which was bolted between the gas tank and frame, the uppper fuel line hose clamp to the fuel shutoff was loose. I could pull off the fuel hose. The fuel tank vent hose clamp wasn't tight.

In addition to having to replace the titanium bolts the service department lost, I have to replace one of the brake caliper mounting bolts because the hex head is stripped out.

The Lazy K wanted me to bring the bike back to them, so they could make it "Right."

After endangering my life and safety, as well as the safety of others on Interstate 90, by not torquing to specification the bolts associated with the front suspension, as well as creating a fire hazard by not tightening the fuel line hose clamp, there was no way I would ever trust this dealership again.

The Lazy K didn't offer to trailer my bike back to them in its unrepaired and unsafe state, nor reimburse me for expenses if I was to have the bike trailered to them. Nor did they offer to replace the missing titanium hardware they lost.

This dealership obviously cannot service what they sell. By not fulfilling the service contract we agreed upon, not only have they perpetrated fraud, charging me $483.90, they have endangered my life and safety because of their negligent manner in how my bike was serviced.

As a result not only have I filed a Consumer Complaint with the District Attorney's Office, I've also written the AMA of which I'm a member and Hodaka Corporation. letting them know that this dealer has compromised them in regards to potential lawsuits, if I would have had an accident on the way home, an accident attributable to The Lazy K service departments negligence.

Don't buy a motorcycle from the Lazy K.

The quality of service a dealer extends towards its customers is a direct reflection on how that dealership feels about its customers.

The Lazy service technicians are incompetent. This dealership, by employing these kind of technicians shows how it feels about its customers, its customers safety and the lives of other motorists on our highways.