Is that you , Mr. Dumbass?

For some reason, probably because we sell Polaris products, we get a lot of calls from hillbillies three states over who hope we can beat the local dealer's price, which they've already beaten down to about cost, by enough to justify spending the time and money coming to see us. Sometimes they will do this to save $50, because to these yokels, it's the principal of the thing.

But of course, before they come and see us, they call us fifteen times, pestering us with the most inane questions you can think of, making sure the deal really is what we say it is, especially when we occasionally tell them a price about $500 under cost, just to fuck with them on a slow day.

One of these particularly pesky morons kept calling Mondo one fine autumn morning, to see if he should drive 400 miles to buy a Polaris 800. The first time he called, Mondo gave him a price that was right about invoice. The next time he called, saying he had that price beat, but refusing to say by how much, Mondo quoted him a price that was $1000 under dealer cost, and asked him if he wanted the Dale Earnhardt Edition. This is the ATV one of our technicians drove into a wall back in service and we're trying to figure out how to sell it as new without disclosing the damage.

About an hour and a half later, after he'd called every Polaris dealer in four states and been told the deal was not real, this cheapskate calls and wants to go over the entire deal, make sure we were talking about the same model, there were no hidden charges, and see if we could go even lower.

By this time, Mondo was sick of dealing with the idiot, so he put him on hold for a long time, picked up the phone and said, "Still there, Mr. Dumbass?"

"Yep, right here, now are you sure we're talking about the 800 Limited edition?"

Another One Bites the Dust

CSB thought that Peewee forgot how to sell, so she degrades him by taking over the sell and telling the rest of the sales staff to watch and learn. The customers agreed to pay $5000 when talking to Peewee. But, CSB said no to that offer.

Of course the customers want their sixteen year old daughter's head to be protected. And, as anyone would ask "why one helmet is more expensive than the other?"

The professional answer of the CSB is "It's just like a pill, you pay for the name. The generic vicodin has all the same effects as the name brand, just like these helmets." Baby Hitler nods and says "That's the best way to describe it."

What you really are paying for in a more expensive helmet is quality, comfort.

After a hours of negotiating with the customers, the CSB agrees to take $5000 plus give them a free helmet and goggles. Did that make sense to you?

Peewee was confused by the CSB process and asked Paco to help him understand the logic behind it.

Paco tells Peewee that "the CSB is on drugs and basically it comes down to you made $5 and you can thank her for dragging the sell out for two hours."


"Did Peewee go to lunch?" someone asked mid-day.

And that's the last anyone has seen him for 3 days.

I think he lasted a month.

Wrong again

After disappearing for a week, the CSB wandered in late today, looking lost.

"Made another wrong date at the Doctor's office," she said, then went back to the back room to sleep with her dogs.

About once a month, the CSB shows up at her Doctor's office, thinking she has an appointment when she doesn't.

Do we have to look at the pictures?

About a week after the Rhino got a hole in her leg, she found her way to a phone and started calling the Lazy K, to catch up on what was going on, and tell us about her latest infection, skin graft, and that Mr. Moose was wiping her ass for her. She was of course sure this was a sign of true love, and not just that Mr. Moose had nothing to do and didn't want to go out and find a job.

The next thing we knew, Mr. Moose brought by some photos of the injury, and they really were grotesque. The skin graft looked like a turkey leg, and the hole was about five inches across and three wide. We all got to look at them, it wasn't mandatory, they just sort of popped up in front of your face when you least expected it.

The CSB kept complaining that the Rhino wasn't going to come back, and that she would probably loose her leg. Warranty registrations, because this was one of the jobs the Rhino did, began to pile up in the office.

to be continued...

The Rhino's Big Gaping Hole

This happened last Easter, but it's a great story anyway.

Mr. Moose decided the time was right to introduce her hillbilly parents to the Rhino, so they drove down to spend Easter in the hollow. One of the things hillbillies like to do more than anything else is ride ATVs. The Moose family has their fair share, so they loaded the Rhino on the one with the greatest capacity for carrying livestock and off the clan went whooping and hollering through the woods.

Somehow the Rhino managed to ram a 2" diameter stick through her calf, narrowly missing the bone. She was of course hospitalized.

The CSB, who considers the Rhino her only friend, was devastated. Then mad because the Rhino wasn't there to help her pick men on the internet. She called her mother to complain. Her mother, the Old Battleax, calls all the shots at the Lazy K, and her business savvy is what has helped the Lazy K achieve a steady 5 year decline in unit sales while the industry is enjoying it's greatest growth in years.

"I'm just happy it didn't happen at work," said the Old Battleax, who also expressed concern that this injury would raise insurance premiums for the company.

to be continued...