Black Fag

Lil' Wigger, the younger brother of Ol' Wigger and newest addition to the sales staff, had a customer signing papers at the finance desk. The customer decided that instead of financing the bike at 18.9 percent, which was the best rate The Buddha told her he could get her, despite having perfect credit and being a store manager at Walmart and making three times more than the Buddha makes, she was going to pay off her 3.9 percent credit card and charge the bike instead. So Lil' Wigger asked the CSB how much money this customer would need to put down to hold the bike for the week it would take her to arrange things so she could use her credit card. The customer had already given Lil' Wigger $100 last night. The bike was last year's model that we want to get rid of, and Lil' Wigger had sold it for a lot of money.

The CSB started to ramble about making things fair for all the other customers who might want to come in and buy the bike, and all the salespeople, and the playing field should be level and fair for everybody, not just the salespeople and customers, but the customers and salespeople too, and how it wasn't really a good idea to tie up a bike that has been sitting on our sales floor for a year and a half for a week, because it isn't fair to everyone and anyone might come in at any time and want to buy the bike and won't be able to because there is a deposit on it from someone planning to come back in and buy it and the playing field should be level for everyone, all the customers and salespeople alike.

Ten minutes into her oft digressing diatribe, the CSB gave Lil' Wigger's customer back her $100 and sent her on her way. Then she talked to her Poodle.

He wasn't a very happy little wigger.

The CSB wandered throughout the store, with her arms crossed, clutching both shoulders and complaining about the pain.

Then the CSB went back to the company computer.

The CSB has figured out how to get on Craigslist and search for posts with pictures. She and the Rhino passed the afternoon looking at pictures of men's penises and women's faces. When they found listings in M4M seeking a black man, they sent the poster an email from the Poodle's yahoo account claiming to be a horny and well hung black man, with a link to the Poodle's myspace account. They are amused when the Poodle gets angry emails from disappointed homosexuals.

One of Mondo's customers came to him and complained about the service department. Mondo is used to this, and usually finds it annoying if it interferes with the hunt. But the dealership was empty, so he decided to feign interest and see if there was another sale there. The customer had a Gold Wing and wanted the rear tire changed. The bike had been in our service department for a week, then the Service Manager had called the customer and told him that nobody in service could figure out how to get the back wheel off the bike, and that they weren't going to make enough money from the job, so they were going to put the bike back together, and the customer could come and get his bike. So the customer complained to the CSB. She went back to scream at the technicians, then told the customer that an expert tire changer would come over from one of the other Lazy Ks, where we don't sell Hondas, and remove the rear wheel off his Gold Wing.

She's out of meds.

You're Like a Daughter to Me

The CSB was on a rampage today, yelling at everyone for ordering the same inventory again that we've ordered and not received for over a week, and telling them that it wasn't their job to tell her that we need bikes to sell. Then one of the guys who trains dogs with her came in to look at a bike which we didn't have, so the CSB got right on the phone and screamed at her mother that we need these bikes here now. She's put on a few kilos over the winter, so now she's a fat crazy screaming bitch.

The bike dog trainer wanted to look at showed up ten minutes after he left.

The new Manatee who answers the phones at night was standing at the counter with her arms crossed, glaring out across the showroom. The CSB decided to talk to her, because she hadn't complained about anything. The CSB asked where she works during the day, in that way she has of talking to someone without really caring what they have to say back, and the Manatee replied that she works at the local medical center. The CSB was a bit out of it, because Freddy Fife is still getting pain killers that he keeps misplacing when she is over at his house, so it took about half a minute to register that the Manatee told her that one of the Manatee's jobs is phoning in prescriptions. Then a light went on and the CSB literally froze mid step. She became much friendlier. The CSB now thinks of the Manatee as the daughter she always wanted, and mommy is in a lot of pain.

I think we've just found the $100 an hour receptionist.

You Must Be This Fat To Work Here

Here at the Lazy K, Hungry Hungry Hippos is not a game, it's what you'll see when the radio reps bring in free pizza. We hired a new woman to work behind the counter, and man is she a big 'un. We've got three women working behind the counter now, and it would take six tickets to fly them anywhere Southwest goes. Whatever happened to Height/Weight proportional?

We're all sitting back and watching, waiting for the Buddha to choke on a chicken wing or have a bad case of the all you can eat tacos, and need mouth to snout resuscitation. He's pretty much SOL at that point.

That Sinking Feeling

Paco fielded the call. The guy on the other end was angry and wanted to speak to the CSB. The CSB wasn't officially in. She was physically here, but thanks to some percocets that Tits Ahoy was selling her for twice street value, her mind was in it's happy place.

So Paco had to listen to the guy vent about the used waverunner he bought. The customer claims that when he put it in the water for the first time, it sank. Paco explained to the customer that used vehicles were sold 'as is,' and then passed him off to Star. Star explained that there was no guarantee a used watercraft would float, and told the customer that if he wanted anything done, he would have to speak to the CSB, but that she wasn't in, and might be in later. Paco and Star agreed that the guy was an asshole on the phone.

Then the CSB stuck her head out the door of the office door, saw her shadow, and went back to sleep.

Some nutcase has taken all the photos of the CSB off her myspace account and made a tribute site to her. He comes in and shows her the site when he makes changes, and probably lurks in the bushes outside her house at night, hoping to get a glimpse of the CSB as she staggers out of the shower and passes out on the couch.

What is it about scooters that makes them so appealing to idiots? A couple came in, and Mondo recognized them from last season, even though the wife had managed to put on about 40 fresh lbs. of winter coat. They went from scooter to scooter, putting them on their center stands, then climbing on and rocking back and forth.

Then they wanted to know what was the best scooter for them. The way to find out is to ask the salespeople lots of stupid questions. But that's pretty hard when the salespeople are sitting at the desk laughing at you as you climb on and off the scooters, almost knocking them over, and refuse to produce brochures or fetch the keys so you can see under the seat of every scooter the place carries. Another way to insure nobody wants to help you is to tell the salespeople you are looking at a used model of a brand the Lazy K doesn't carry, and that you think you can buy it for a ridiculously low price.

Mondo decided he'd had enough fun watching Mrs. Praise the Lord and her God Loves America teeshirt flopping around on the back of all the scooters, so he told the nice couple about three great models that would be perfect for them, that unfortunately aren't on our floor. Ol' Wigger told them that all three models were at the Lazy K located 60 miles away, and that we gave demo rides at this location. They're not and we don't. Mr. God Says Buy a Scooter said he doesn't have a motorcycle license. Mondo told him it is probably better if he doesn't tell the salesperson at the other Lazy K that, if he wants to ride anything.