The CSB decided to make things right with Freddie Fife.
Freddie finally got tired of scarfing up salty spunk oysters from her tired old love prune and waking to the heady pickle of sour junkie sweat on his sheets after too many bouts of hot steamy sex that she failed to stay awake during, and unceremoniously dumped her ass by leaving her in the rain in a Lowes parking lot.
The CSB found out Freddie Fife was on a top secret State Highway Patrol mission doing security guard duty at a county fair.
So she showed up and told him that she loved him.
But it came out all wrong, because she was drunk and high on life and vicodin. In order to better state her case, the CSB began to hit Freddie Fife with her fists and scream at him that he is a fucking asshole and a son of a bitch and that she hopes he dies.
This did not go over very well with fairgoers and the people who hired Freddie Fife to keep the peace. Nobody pays good money to see their rent a cop beaten up by a tweaker.
So Freddie Fife did what any experienced law enforcement officer does when assaulted by a stubby foul mouthed ex-girlfriend in public.
Freddie called for backup.
Two security guards came running. When they saw what was going down, they stopped in place and laughed their asses off and called everyone with a walkie talkie over with "Officer needs assistance, you got to see this." Freddie Fife was backed against a fence, the CSB was swinging for the cheap seats, calling him the biggest fucking asshole she'd ever met in her life, screaming at the gathering crowd that he has a small dick and will fuck you over and leave you too, even in the ass. Parents were alarmed, and kids in strollers were laughing at him. So Freddie Fife said, "Quit laughing and get this bitch off me."
The security guards grabbed the CSB by an arm each. Freddie handcuffed the CSB and escorted her to the nearest State Highway Patrol car. Despite Freddie's professional expertise in placing her into the back seat, the CSB managed to attack the hood and rear window at least twice each with her face and the door pillar repeatedly with her forehead until she shut the fuck up.
After three and a half hours of screaming and puking in the back of the car, the CSB calmed down and/or passed out. So Freddie Fife had another officer drive her home and arrange her on her front lawn.
The next morning, which started at 2:37 in the afternoon for the CSB, she staggered into the Lazy K, looking like she'd spent the night suspended in a tree above blindfolded Mexican kids with baseball bats.
The CSB plans to sue for security guard brutality.
Apparently the entire altercation and the aftermath was caught on videotape, and it is quite entertaining to watch and listen to. Will someone please post it on Youtube?
Showing posts with label accident. Show all posts
Showing posts with label accident. Show all posts
Coming Through
Famous Nobody, the drag racing moron nobody has ever heard of, decided to drive an ATV through the double glass doors of the service department. So he did. The doors shattered and popped out of their frames.
Famous Nobody walked through the LazyK covered in glass shards, laughing like the Grand Marshall in a one retard parade of Village Idiots, because he's really cool and does neat things like riding a customer's ATV through the service department doors.
The CSB called Famous Nobody a fucking idiot and went back to her computer, where she now trolls Yahoo messenger looking for dates. Star's dumb as bricks Meal Ticket still helps the CSB spell out the big words.
Star wants to fire Famous Nobody, but he's the only mechanic in town who is too incompetent to get a job anywhere else, and from time to time Famous Nobody comes through with happy pills when the CSB is a little tense.
Who's going to tell Old Crusty how the door got broke?
Famous Nobody walked through the LazyK covered in glass shards, laughing like the Grand Marshall in a one retard parade of Village Idiots, because he's really cool and does neat things like riding a customer's ATV through the service department doors.
The CSB called Famous Nobody a fucking idiot and went back to her computer, where she now trolls Yahoo messenger looking for dates. Star's dumb as bricks Meal Ticket still helps the CSB spell out the big words.
Star wants to fire Famous Nobody, but he's the only mechanic in town who is too incompetent to get a job anywhere else, and from time to time Famous Nobody comes through with happy pills when the CSB is a little tense.
Who's going to tell Old Crusty how the door got broke?
Rumors of Drug Testing
The wonderful employees at the Lazy K receive a phone call from a reliable source that the Lazy K will soon be drug testing. They have never drug tested before, and it was an unwritten rule that you had to do drugs to get a job there.
Fearless leader calls an emergency meeting bout the problem. Frantically explaining to everyone, that if anyone has a habit, they need to clean it up right away! As the staff looked around at each other, Friar Tuck pipes up “Well, I’d say we are all fired.” Fearless leaders face turned bright red. “This is not a joke!” he barked. Poor Fearless Leader, how will he ever quit smoking weed? He smokes on the way to work, at lunch, on the way home and all night long.
If Lazy K really does drug test they would have to fire their own daughter. “We (the owners) are doing this to save money on our workman’s comp. so all you fuckin crackheads are gonna have to straighten up!!” Prime example of the pot calling the kettle black.
10/6/06
Fearless leader calls an emergency meeting bout the problem. Frantically explaining to everyone, that if anyone has a habit, they need to clean it up right away! As the staff looked around at each other, Friar Tuck pipes up “Well, I’d say we are all fired.” Fearless leaders face turned bright red. “This is not a joke!” he barked. Poor Fearless Leader, how will he ever quit smoking weed? He smokes on the way to work, at lunch, on the way home and all night long.
If Lazy K really does drug test they would have to fire their own daughter. “We (the owners) are doing this to save money on our workman’s comp. so all you fuckin crackheads are gonna have to straighten up!!” Prime example of the pot calling the kettle black.
10/6/06
Customer Service
Yesterday a customer bought a small motorcycle for his son. He was told by the CSB that he could pick the bike up between 11 and noon. He came in around a quarter to twelve, with kid in tow.
Star, the assistant manager, was having a discussion with the manufacturer's rep from Suzuki about the Customer Service Index. This is a way of measuring a customer's satisfaction with the sale and the dealership. Ours is surprisingly low. Star had just gone to a three day Suzuki CSI seminar and is gung ho to implement the things he's learned and improve our CSI. Nobody else at the Lazy K wants to implement anything. Fearless Leader says the dealerships that get high CSIs "kiss the customer's ass." And he's not going to kiss anyone's ass. He did enough of that in prison.
So Star is talking to the rep about improving customer satisfaction, and the guy comes in to pick up his son't new motorcycle. It isn't here.
The CSB picks up the phone and calls our warehouse, then starts asking "where's the fucking bike," while the customer, his kid and the manufacturer's rep are nearby. "I ask you to do one fucking thing, and you can't even do that. Get it up here now."
She listens a bit.
"Put the fucking thing together and put it on the truck today."
She listens a bit and slams down the phone, then puts her smile back on. "It will be here later. When would you like to pick it up?"
"When it's here," the customer replies.
"It will be here later this afternoon." She smiles sweetly.
The customer leaves and the CSB turns to the Rhino and starts swearing about the idiots who put the bikes together.
I wonder what the Manufacturer's Rep was thinking.
10/6/06
Star, the assistant manager, was having a discussion with the manufacturer's rep from Suzuki about the Customer Service Index. This is a way of measuring a customer's satisfaction with the sale and the dealership. Ours is surprisingly low. Star had just gone to a three day Suzuki CSI seminar and is gung ho to implement the things he's learned and improve our CSI. Nobody else at the Lazy K wants to implement anything. Fearless Leader says the dealerships that get high CSIs "kiss the customer's ass." And he's not going to kiss anyone's ass. He did enough of that in prison.
So Star is talking to the rep about improving customer satisfaction, and the guy comes in to pick up his son't new motorcycle. It isn't here.
The CSB picks up the phone and calls our warehouse, then starts asking "where's the fucking bike," while the customer, his kid and the manufacturer's rep are nearby. "I ask you to do one fucking thing, and you can't even do that. Get it up here now."
She listens a bit.
"Put the fucking thing together and put it on the truck today."
She listens a bit and slams down the phone, then puts her smile back on. "It will be here later. When would you like to pick it up?"
"When it's here," the customer replies.
"It will be here later this afternoon." She smiles sweetly.
The customer leaves and the CSB turns to the Rhino and starts swearing about the idiots who put the bikes together.
I wonder what the Manufacturer's Rep was thinking.
10/6/06
How the Lazy K keeps customers
You know how you take a date out and you hope that you can get them drunk enough to lower their inhibitions? Yeah, that's how the Lazy K keeps customers. If the CSB gets messed up enough the prices become lower.
The salespeople know this and take advantage. Especially that lezbo Beans, she tells all her little rug munching friends when to come in and purchase a new bike. Go Dykes on Bikes!
10/5/06
The salespeople know this and take advantage. Especially that lezbo Beans, she tells all her little rug munching friends when to come in and purchase a new bike. Go Dykes on Bikes!
10/5/06
Customer Complaints
Today a guy who'd had his motorcycle in service for over three weeks just asked the service department to put it back together like it was when he brought it in to be fixed. It was running then, and hasn't since they started working on it.
The customer complained to the CSB and she waited until he left, then called him an asshole and paged Daffy the service writer and told him not to do anything for the asshole, because he was a litigious asshole and would sue us. When he left, she called Daffy an idiot because the service department, lacking basic diagnostic equipment, couldn't fix the asshole's bike.
10/5/06
The customer complained to the CSB and she waited until he left, then called him an asshole and paged Daffy the service writer and told him not to do anything for the asshole, because he was a litigious asshole and would sue us. When he left, she called Daffy an idiot because the service department, lacking basic diagnostic equipment, couldn't fix the asshole's bike.
10/5/06
Bandit Likes Chicken
Mondo is on the low carb diet again. Yesterday he bought and ate an entire chicken. Maybe he needs to practice portion control.
After devouring the entire chicken, he put the bones and packaging in the trash container behind his desk.
Bandit got into the trash and dragged the chicken carcass through the dealership, eating the bones and growling at the poodle whenever he tried to take a bite. The CSB saw this and went berserk, screaming at Bandit to stop eating the chicken, the poodle to get away from it, and Mondo that if her dog got sick she would kill him.
Mondo wasn't at work yet, because he is always the last one to get there and the first one to leave, so he missed her calling him an asshole, a fucking idiot, and all the other pet names she has for her employees. The CSB went on venting, telling customers what an awful person Mondo was, and making several threats against his life. She got on the phone with her mother and told her what Mondo did, and that if anything happened to her dogs she would kill him and he'd be the one paying the fucking vet bills. In all likelyhood she meant that he would pay the fucking vet bills and then she would kill him. It wouldn't work very well the other way.
Apparently one should assume dogs will rummage through the garbage beside one's desk at work.
Finally, when Mondo showed up, the CSB put on her best insincere smile and asked him to please throw his chicken carcasses in the dumpster. She's like that after the drugs kick in.
Day old chicken quickly passes through a dog, and Bandit spent the rest of the morning and most of the afternoon leaving big pungent piles of dogcrap in various places throughout the dealership.
10/4/06
After devouring the entire chicken, he put the bones and packaging in the trash container behind his desk.
Bandit got into the trash and dragged the chicken carcass through the dealership, eating the bones and growling at the poodle whenever he tried to take a bite. The CSB saw this and went berserk, screaming at Bandit to stop eating the chicken, the poodle to get away from it, and Mondo that if her dog got sick she would kill him.
Mondo wasn't at work yet, because he is always the last one to get there and the first one to leave, so he missed her calling him an asshole, a fucking idiot, and all the other pet names she has for her employees. The CSB went on venting, telling customers what an awful person Mondo was, and making several threats against his life. She got on the phone with her mother and told her what Mondo did, and that if anything happened to her dogs she would kill him and he'd be the one paying the fucking vet bills. In all likelyhood she meant that he would pay the fucking vet bills and then she would kill him. It wouldn't work very well the other way.
Apparently one should assume dogs will rummage through the garbage beside one's desk at work.
Finally, when Mondo showed up, the CSB put on her best insincere smile and asked him to please throw his chicken carcasses in the dumpster. She's like that after the drugs kick in.
Day old chicken quickly passes through a dog, and Bandit spent the rest of the morning and most of the afternoon leaving big pungent piles of dogcrap in various places throughout the dealership.
10/4/06
It's a bird, it's a plane, no, it's Fearless Leader!!!!
Today Friar Tuck sold a Suzuki DR650. Friar Tuck is a bitter and angry fat man who is happiest making other people miserable. Fearless Leader decided to show the world what an awsome rider he is while taking the bike back to the Service Department for the predelivery inspection. He got on the bike and raced across the parking lot. He raced back in the other direction. He sped up, and there was a loud crash. Fearless Leader hit the liquor store. He came limping back into the dealership complaining that his knee, now the size of a basketball, was bothering him.
The customer was scheduled to take delivery of the bike an hour after the crash. Friar Tuck had to call him and tell him not to come because the bike did not pass the predelivery inspection.
Fearless Leader went around to all the departments and all the employees and entertained them for what seemed like days with a description of the accident, other accidents he'd been in, other accidents he'd heard about people being in and people he'd never met or heard of who may or may not have been in accidents. This went on for a long time. Finally, Fearless Leader went home. Happiness settled over the Lazy K.
But it was shortlived, for Friar Tuck followed behind Fearless Leader, complaining to all who would listen about the lost sale.
The CSB found out Fearless Leader wasn't wearing a helmet. She made all the employees in service sign a statement that they knew they had to wear helmets when they ride customer bikes, under threat of termination. Fearless Leader decided to show up at work stoned out of his mind on pain meds. He started acting even more stupid than usual, so the CSB convinced him to go home.
Once he left, the CSB referred to Fearless Leader throughout the day and during the course of his recuperation as a fucking idiot. He is a fucking idiot, and she called one right for once.
first published 10/3/06
The customer was scheduled to take delivery of the bike an hour after the crash. Friar Tuck had to call him and tell him not to come because the bike did not pass the predelivery inspection.
Fearless Leader went around to all the departments and all the employees and entertained them for what seemed like days with a description of the accident, other accidents he'd been in, other accidents he'd heard about people being in and people he'd never met or heard of who may or may not have been in accidents. This went on for a long time. Finally, Fearless Leader went home. Happiness settled over the Lazy K.
But it was shortlived, for Friar Tuck followed behind Fearless Leader, complaining to all who would listen about the lost sale.
The CSB found out Fearless Leader wasn't wearing a helmet. She made all the employees in service sign a statement that they knew they had to wear helmets when they ride customer bikes, under threat of termination. Fearless Leader decided to show up at work stoned out of his mind on pain meds. He started acting even more stupid than usual, so the CSB convinced him to go home.
Once he left, the CSB referred to Fearless Leader throughout the day and during the course of his recuperation as a fucking idiot. He is a fucking idiot, and she called one right for once.
first published 10/3/06
The Poodle Bites
Today the CSB's poodle bit a little girl. It broke the skin on her wrist. As soon as she started crying, the CSB ran right over and gave her parents a really good deal on an ATV, which pissed the CSB off to no end. As they were leaving, the CSB started saying they were awful parents to let their little girl wander off alone in a store, and that the little girl probably did something to make the poodle bite her.
First published 10/3/06
First published 10/3/06
Taco Dave From AOL
The CSB has a new boyfriend. They met on AOL. He is 23 years old, of Mexican descent and his family doesn't like the CSB. She went to dinner at their house and passed out at the dinner table into a plate full of enchiladas. Taco Dave's mother is quite proud of her enchiladas and the rest of the family was hungry and didn't want to eat them after the CSB went into them face first when the vicodin kicked in. So they don't like her and think she is bad for their son, the drunk who gets into bar fights and spends a lot of nights in jail. He works for Honda, and that's how they tell people they met. On his profile he has an important job and makes a lot of money. In real life Taco Dave doesn't look like he's doing that well. On her profile the CSB is only 37. In real life she's 48. You can't believe everything you read on the internet. She is screaming less today.
She was screaming less, until she got a letter from a customer threatening to picket the Lazy A if we don't fix his motorcycle. It's been here two months waiting on parts. She checks with Fearless Leader, who goes back to the parts department and discovers the parts haven't been ordered. The asshole customer, for that is his name now, also wrote to the manufacturer and the BBB. Even though she doesn't dare join the BBB, she hates hearing that someone complained. Because she has to hear about it from her mother. Over and over again.
"Baby Hitler, Get up here," she pages the service manager over the PA, "Now!"When he comes up she lays into him about Daffy and Smokey and what idiots they are.It is hard for Paco, the new salesperson, to close a deal at the table he likes so much because it is near the front door when the CSB is screaming at the service manager about what a bunch of fucking idiots his employees are.The more she yells, the louder her dogs bark.
Soon they start to howl. Mr. Moose, who is there feeding the Rhino, starts to howl with the dogs. Paco looks over at her screaming, the dogs howling, and Mr. Moose making them howl even louder. Something bothers him. This is not how they did things at his last job.Taco Dave calls the CSB. He calls her a lot now that he got fired from the manufacturer. She screams at everyone to shut up so she can talk to him. Baby hitler sees an opening and makes his escape, Mr. Moose goes back to feeding the Rhino, and Bandit the border collie goes back to the back of the store and takes another crap on the floor.
First published 10/3/06
She was screaming less, until she got a letter from a customer threatening to picket the Lazy A if we don't fix his motorcycle. It's been here two months waiting on parts. She checks with Fearless Leader, who goes back to the parts department and discovers the parts haven't been ordered. The asshole customer, for that is his name now, also wrote to the manufacturer and the BBB. Even though she doesn't dare join the BBB, she hates hearing that someone complained. Because she has to hear about it from her mother. Over and over again.
"Baby Hitler, Get up here," she pages the service manager over the PA, "Now!"When he comes up she lays into him about Daffy and Smokey and what idiots they are.It is hard for Paco, the new salesperson, to close a deal at the table he likes so much because it is near the front door when the CSB is screaming at the service manager about what a bunch of fucking idiots his employees are.The more she yells, the louder her dogs bark.
Soon they start to howl. Mr. Moose, who is there feeding the Rhino, starts to howl with the dogs. Paco looks over at her screaming, the dogs howling, and Mr. Moose making them howl even louder. Something bothers him. This is not how they did things at his last job.Taco Dave calls the CSB. He calls her a lot now that he got fired from the manufacturer. She screams at everyone to shut up so she can talk to him. Baby hitler sees an opening and makes his escape, Mr. Moose goes back to feeding the Rhino, and Bandit the border collie goes back to the back of the store and takes another crap on the floor.
First published 10/3/06
SMOKEY GETS SHIT ON
"Help me lift these jet skis, the customers are gonna be here in two F-ing minutes!" yelled the CSB. Beans, a salesperson, rounds up the under educated and under paid mechanics in service to help with the jet skis. The service crew; Baby Hitler, daffy, smokey and a few other ones that no one knows their name because they just started three days ago, move the 800lbs skis for the CSB's customers.
Smokey, yes you know him, the tall skinny guy in the movie Friday. That's right he "works" and is the "best" mechanic at the dealership. After smoking all day long his eyes are blood shot and almost roll in the back of his head when he appears to be thinking. Don't bother to ask him a question, because you would have to smoke an ounce to understand him.
After moving the jet skis, Smokey heads back to the smoke house (service dept.) Smokey's sight being slim to none, on the account of looking a little Chinese, has a hard time focusing on the tile floor beneath him. Next thing he knows his left foot is sliding out in front of him like he stepped on a banana peel. Before he can even force his eyes wide open, to see what his problem was, his nose told him that he just smeared dog shit everywhere! Making brown footsteps all the way to the restroom, he cleans off his shoe. The whole staff was in tears from laughter. Poor Mr. Moose had to clean up the shitty art work left by smokey and bandit, the dog.
Two days later the health department visited the dealership, to give the CSB a warning. This did not make the CSB happy. As usual when the CSB is having a bad day and there are no maracas to be found, she takes it out on her beloved employees. Secretly she blamed Mondo for the arrival of the health department.
posted by HD_Rep
First published 10/3/06
Smokey, yes you know him, the tall skinny guy in the movie Friday. That's right he "works" and is the "best" mechanic at the dealership. After smoking all day long his eyes are blood shot and almost roll in the back of his head when he appears to be thinking. Don't bother to ask him a question, because you would have to smoke an ounce to understand him.
After moving the jet skis, Smokey heads back to the smoke house (service dept.) Smokey's sight being slim to none, on the account of looking a little Chinese, has a hard time focusing on the tile floor beneath him. Next thing he knows his left foot is sliding out in front of him like he stepped on a banana peel. Before he can even force his eyes wide open, to see what his problem was, his nose told him that he just smeared dog shit everywhere! Making brown footsteps all the way to the restroom, he cleans off his shoe. The whole staff was in tears from laughter. Poor Mr. Moose had to clean up the shitty art work left by smokey and bandit, the dog.
Two days later the health department visited the dealership, to give the CSB a warning. This did not make the CSB happy. As usual when the CSB is having a bad day and there are no maracas to be found, she takes it out on her beloved employees. Secretly she blamed Mondo for the arrival of the health department.
posted by HD_Rep
First published 10/3/06
Fearless Leader Crashes the Company Truck
Fearless Leader is the store manager. He is a tall, toothless ex-con and former alcoholic, and tries to run the store like he was back in the yard. Unfortunately most people don't want to work in conditions similiar to being in lockdown, so turnover is high.
Somehow or another, Fearless Leader got hold of a big bag of xanax bars and decided to bring them to work, and take a few of them while at work. He figured it would be a nice way to pass the day since the CSB was off. He took a couple and didn't feel anything. Now you have to remember that each bar is scored and you are supposed to break off a section or two and take a normal dose of xanax. A bar is equal to about six doses. So he took a couple more bars. Then he started feeling pretty good and figured a few more bars would make him feel even better. So Fearless Leader sat down at his desk on the showroom floor and decided to let everyone in on how good he was feeling.
He used his cell phone to call Baby Hitler, the service manager, and asking "what you doing?""I'm working," said Baby Hitler, who was indeed working, about twenty yards away from Fearless Leader. About the tenth time he received such a call, Baby Hitler asked Fearless Leader what was wrong with him and then turned off his phone. By this time, Ellie May, the receptionist, realized something was wrong with the Leader of the dealership and convinced Fearless Leader to give her the remainder of the Xanax bars after he took about four more, and told her how beautiful her big tits are.
He really likes her tits, and everyone who was near him needed to know that.A little while later, when there was nobody left to tell how much he liked Ellie May's tits and what sort of noises he would make if he stuck his head between them, Fearless Leader decided to show everyone what a great salesperson he was. He went and stood by the front door and spoke to customers as they entered.
"You don't want that bike," he said, pointing to the Gold Wing by the door, or the door itself, "It's a piece of shit, you want this one," he pointed at a dirtbike or the desk or waved his hand in the air like he forgot how to point, "it's really good, man."
Several customers were treated to his opinion and sales were a bit off that day.At about 6 PM someone had the good sense to get Fearless Leader to go home. He of course insisted on driving himself in the company truck. Somewhere during the course of his journey, he sideswiped a car and continued merrily on his way home.Fearless Leader's wife, the straight bulldyke, called the paramedics because she realized he was acting stranger than usual, and that's pretty hard for Fearless Leader to do.
Somehow Fearless Leader mistook the paramedics for Police Officers, remembered some of the bad experiences he'd had with the Police over the course of his life, and began to fight them. Fortunately enough Xanax to stone an elephant had made him easy to subdue, and the Paramedics strapped him to a board and took him to the hospital, where he eventually made a full recovery and returned to being a simple nutcase.
first published on 10/3/06
All new adventures in Motorcycle Hell at http://saintmanure.blogspot.com
Somehow or another, Fearless Leader got hold of a big bag of xanax bars and decided to bring them to work, and take a few of them while at work. He figured it would be a nice way to pass the day since the CSB was off. He took a couple and didn't feel anything. Now you have to remember that each bar is scored and you are supposed to break off a section or two and take a normal dose of xanax. A bar is equal to about six doses. So he took a couple more bars. Then he started feeling pretty good and figured a few more bars would make him feel even better. So Fearless Leader sat down at his desk on the showroom floor and decided to let everyone in on how good he was feeling.
He used his cell phone to call Baby Hitler, the service manager, and asking "what you doing?""I'm working," said Baby Hitler, who was indeed working, about twenty yards away from Fearless Leader. About the tenth time he received such a call, Baby Hitler asked Fearless Leader what was wrong with him and then turned off his phone. By this time, Ellie May, the receptionist, realized something was wrong with the Leader of the dealership and convinced Fearless Leader to give her the remainder of the Xanax bars after he took about four more, and told her how beautiful her big tits are.
He really likes her tits, and everyone who was near him needed to know that.A little while later, when there was nobody left to tell how much he liked Ellie May's tits and what sort of noises he would make if he stuck his head between them, Fearless Leader decided to show everyone what a great salesperson he was. He went and stood by the front door and spoke to customers as they entered.
"You don't want that bike," he said, pointing to the Gold Wing by the door, or the door itself, "It's a piece of shit, you want this one," he pointed at a dirtbike or the desk or waved his hand in the air like he forgot how to point, "it's really good, man."
Several customers were treated to his opinion and sales were a bit off that day.At about 6 PM someone had the good sense to get Fearless Leader to go home. He of course insisted on driving himself in the company truck. Somewhere during the course of his journey, he sideswiped a car and continued merrily on his way home.Fearless Leader's wife, the straight bulldyke, called the paramedics because she realized he was acting stranger than usual, and that's pretty hard for Fearless Leader to do.
Somehow Fearless Leader mistook the paramedics for Police Officers, remembered some of the bad experiences he'd had with the Police over the course of his life, and began to fight them. Fortunately enough Xanax to stone an elephant had made him easy to subdue, and the Paramedics strapped him to a board and took him to the hospital, where he eventually made a full recovery and returned to being a simple nutcase.
first published on 10/3/06
All new adventures in Motorcycle Hell at http://saintmanure.blogspot.com
Katana Fest
To reflect truth in advertising, we have modified a recent Lazy K ad.
LOOK AT THE INCREDIBLE DEALS ON THE Suzuki Katana that they quit making because it is a turd.
We carry Motorcycles, ATV's, Scooters, & Watercraft from lots of companies who wish we didn't.
We have 5 locations to better screw you over.
We "Ride" what we sell and service except none of us actually ride.
We pride ourselves on customer service and fucking you over.
We have an incredible selection of parts and accessories from three years ago.
We have factory trained technicians at all locations who are invisible
BEST DEAL OF THE SEASON! WHILE SUPPLIES LAST! NEW 2006 Suzuki Katana
NO FREIGHT!
NO PREP!
NEW 2006 Suzuki Katana WAS Nine Million Dollars.... NOW ON SALE FOR $29.50 PLUS the highest DOC FEE you can imagine, TAX, TITLE, & TEMP TAG... NO HIDDEN CHARGES! Because we are being sued by the District Attorney right now for putting hidden charges in contracts.
LOOK AT THE INCREDIBLE DEALS ON THE Suzuki Katana that they quit making because it is a turd.
We carry Motorcycles, ATV's, Scooters, & Watercraft from lots of companies who wish we didn't.
We have 5 locations to better screw you over.
We "Ride" what we sell and service except none of us actually ride.
We pride ourselves on customer service and fucking you over.
We have an incredible selection of parts and accessories from three years ago.
We have factory trained technicians at all locations who are invisible
BEST DEAL OF THE SEASON! WHILE SUPPLIES LAST! NEW 2006 Suzuki Katana
NO FREIGHT!
NO PREP!
NEW 2006 Suzuki Katana WAS Nine Million Dollars.... NOW ON SALE FOR $29.50 PLUS the highest DOC FEE you can imagine, TAX, TITLE, & TEMP TAG... NO HIDDEN CHARGES! Because we are being sued by the District Attorney right now for putting hidden charges in contracts.
The CSB Chases Down the FedEx Driver
It's that time of the month for the CSB. Not that time of the month. It's always that that time of the month for the CSB. This time of the month is the time the FedEx driver brings her month's supply of "pain" meds. But where is he? The CSB calls the pharmacy, up in Canada. They give her a tracking number and she screams at the Buddha to get the fuck off the computer. He is running a credit application to see if someone can buy a motorcycle, which is what the company does, sell motorcycles. So the CSB gets online and sees that the delivery has not been made yet, even though it is 10:12 in the morning and the delivery should be there by 10 AM. So she calls FedEx and starts screaming at the customer service rep, demanding that they stop what they are doing, and bring her the package. She really needs that package, and it is after 10. The "fucking bitch" on the other end of the phone explains to the CSB that it is not FedEx policy to drop what they are doing and deliver a package, and assures her that the package will come a little later. As she screams at the FedEx customer service rep, the phone somehow becomes disconnected, causing her to let off a tirade heard by everyone within earshot about those fucking assholes who work for FedEx. She calls FedEx back and is very nice this time, asking if they can tell her where the driver is, so she can go pick up the package in person. Apparently this too is against FedEx policy, because she calls the person on the other end of the line a fucking cunt and slams the phone down hard.
About twenty minutes later the FedEx driver walks in. He stops at the door and shakes the package. Hearing a sound like a maraca, he knows where to take it.
More Motorcycle Madness at http://saintmanure.blogspot.com
First published 10/3/06
About twenty minutes later the FedEx driver walks in. He stops at the door and shakes the package. Hearing a sound like a maraca, he knows where to take it.
More Motorcycle Madness at http://saintmanure.blogspot.com
First published 10/3/06
The CSB Screams at Mondo
Today the CSB had a fight with her mother about parking in her parent's driveway while they are away on vacation. So she was a general bitch to everyone who got in her way. Then she went around the store finding people to be a bitch to. She screamed at the Rhino about an ATV that was supposed to be there and wasn't, and called her mother a fucking bitch after hanging up the phone. She told the Rhino and Buddha, the finance manager, that she hopes her mother dies, then, about an hour later, after the meds kicked in, said to them that what she meant is that she hopes her mother dies before her father.
Mondo, one of the salespeople who works for the CSB, was sitting at the office computer, trying to find out if he was enrolled in the Polaris "earn a toaster by selling our crap" program. He realized the Rhino had already signed him up. He was in the process of thanking the Rhino when the CSB screamed for him to "shut the fuck up and get the fuck away from the computer," loud enough to be heard across the store, which is an old supermarket.
First published 10/3/06
Mondo, one of the salespeople who works for the CSB, was sitting at the office computer, trying to find out if he was enrolled in the Polaris "earn a toaster by selling our crap" program. He realized the Rhino had already signed him up. He was in the process of thanking the Rhino when the CSB screamed for him to "shut the fuck up and get the fuck away from the computer," loud enough to be heard across the store, which is an old supermarket.
First published 10/3/06
The Rhino Loves Mr. Moose
The office manager is a giant illegal alien from Mexico we fondly refer to as the Rhino, instead of "the incredibly hideous creature of superhuman size and strength." She looks like a sasquatch, but with more bodyhair. After years of bad experiences with men, she decided to become a lesbian. Her new companion is Mr. Moose, a young woman with a bad flattop and cheap tatoos on both arms.
For a while Mr. Moose was working at the Dealership as a janitor, mannish sounding receptionist, and dog shit picker-upper (which is a full time job). Now she works at Walmart, but spends all her free time at the dealership, running out to get fast food to keep the Rhino sleek and shiney, and scratching the Rhino's thick hide. There is nothing more appealing than watching big women stuff themselves with Carls Jr. several times a day. The Rhino calls Mr. Moose "bunny" and Mr. Moose calls the Rhino "bear."
If you are a man and think it would be cool to watch lesbians make out, come in and watch the Rhino and Mr. Moose kiss behind the counter. Strong men lose their lunch and parents usher their kids out of the building.
First published on 10/3/06
Check out http://saintmanure.blogspot.com for your motorcycle hell updates.
For a while Mr. Moose was working at the Dealership as a janitor, mannish sounding receptionist, and dog shit picker-upper (which is a full time job). Now she works at Walmart, but spends all her free time at the dealership, running out to get fast food to keep the Rhino sleek and shiney, and scratching the Rhino's thick hide. There is nothing more appealing than watching big women stuff themselves with Carls Jr. several times a day. The Rhino calls Mr. Moose "bunny" and Mr. Moose calls the Rhino "bear."
If you are a man and think it would be cool to watch lesbians make out, come in and watch the Rhino and Mr. Moose kiss behind the counter. Strong men lose their lunch and parents usher their kids out of the building.
First published on 10/3/06
Check out http://saintmanure.blogspot.com for your motorcycle hell updates.
The CSB Writes Daffy Up.
Today the CSB wrote up Daffy the service writer three times in five minutes. She won't fire him, because she doesn't want to pay unemployment, so he continues to make customer's lives hell. He can't go anywhere else and get a job. When customers ask Daffy about his job he tells them "I don't know anything about motorcycles, but I think they are cool and it is fun to work in a motorcycle shop." For some reason the CSB hoped Daffy would quit if he got written up three times in five minutes, but he proved too smart. So she went back a half hour later, after the drugs kicked in, and told him she hopes he is there forever.
She also wrote up Shaggy, the parts manager, because he went to the hospital with his wife while she had an emergency operation instead of coming to work. The CSB told him she wrote him up so he would stay focused on his job.
Yesterday Daffy mounted a customer's tires backwards twice, and scratched the hell out of the rim. But he doesn't care, and the CSB won't fire him.
First published 10/3/06
check out http://saintmanure.blogspot.com/ for more adventures in motorcycle dealership hell.
She also wrote up Shaggy, the parts manager, because he went to the hospital with his wife while she had an emergency operation instead of coming to work. The CSB told him she wrote him up so he would stay focused on his job.
Yesterday Daffy mounted a customer's tires backwards twice, and scratched the hell out of the rim. But he doesn't care, and the CSB won't fire him.
First published 10/3/06
check out http://saintmanure.blogspot.com/ for more adventures in motorcycle dealership hell.
Moving On Up
The FSB has left the building. She moved out of her house and into an apartment in the ghetto, so she and her offspring can be near her new boyfriend, Inky. Unlike the CSB, the FSB doesn't like having to drive to score her drugs. So now that she's gone, the Homeless guy gets to move out of the polebarn and live in the big house.
Old Crusty went by the LazyK the other day and had a discussion with the Homeless Guy about his future with the company. The conversation ended with Old Crusty shouting "You haven't earned a paycheck in three years," and storming out.
Meanwhile, Freddie Fife is taking the CSB and the new blonde in his life to the same chicken wing restaurant on different nights of the week.
As you may have noticed, many of the most entertaining characters at the Lazy K have moved on.
We invite you to join some of them, and some new characters at Saint Manure Motorsports.
http://saintmanure.blogspot.com
We hope you enjoy the new store.
Old Crusty went by the LazyK the other day and had a discussion with the Homeless Guy about his future with the company. The conversation ended with Old Crusty shouting "You haven't earned a paycheck in three years," and storming out.
Meanwhile, Freddie Fife is taking the CSB and the new blonde in his life to the same chicken wing restaurant on different nights of the week.
As you may have noticed, many of the most entertaining characters at the Lazy K have moved on.
We invite you to join some of them, and some new characters at Saint Manure Motorsports.
http://saintmanure.blogspot.com
We hope you enjoy the new store.
Thar She Blows
Captain Ahab is a big fat miserable fuck. He comes into the Lazy K and starts demanding things, then buys his bikes somewhere else. Everybody has wasted too much time at least once finding out Captain Ahab is completely full of shit. So we ignore him and eventually he goes away. In the real world, Captain Ahab yells at his wife and drives a garbage truck.
We have a Triumph America that we took in trade. It's a nice clean bike he can't afford, and Captain Ahab likes Triumphs.
"I want to take that Triumph on a test ride," he said to Mondo.
"Do you want to buy it?"
"I want to ride it. To see if I like it."
"We don't let people take testrides when it's raining and they're wearing sandals and shorts," replied Mondo, and went back to signing Matt Mladin's name to posters he sells on ebay, "This isn't a petting zoo for grownups."
"I know the CSB, and she lets me ride whatever I want."
"She's not here."
So Captain Ahab wandered back to the parts department and Mondo thought he'd seen the last of him. It was only eleven and the CSB has a new fuck buddy she met at Dollar General, so she rarely shows up before two in the afternoon.
But there had been a fight, or she'd been dumped, because the CSB came staggering in, kicking her fucking dog for stopping in the doorway and yelling at Star to get his fucking ass off the computer and help her carry in the business supplies she'd bought at Big Lots. The supplies were mostly South Beach food and canned peanuts. The CSB is on the Low Carb diet. Not the one that works, the other one that makes you fat. You can tell you're in a place that pays well when the boss buys her food at Big Lots.
Captain Ahab waddled over and complained to the CSB that Mondo wouldn't let him testride a bike.
So the CSB put on her convincing smile, apologized for Mondo's complete lack of professionalism, and let Captain Ahab test ride the Triumph in the rain, wearing flipflops and shorts, and without a helmet.
"Thanks a lot," she said to Mondo, "I had to suck his dick for an hour to make him happy after you told the fat bastard he couldn't ride the goddamn bike."
We have a Triumph America that we took in trade. It's a nice clean bike he can't afford, and Captain Ahab likes Triumphs.
"I want to take that Triumph on a test ride," he said to Mondo.
"Do you want to buy it?"
"I want to ride it. To see if I like it."
"We don't let people take testrides when it's raining and they're wearing sandals and shorts," replied Mondo, and went back to signing Matt Mladin's name to posters he sells on ebay, "This isn't a petting zoo for grownups."
"I know the CSB, and she lets me ride whatever I want."
"She's not here."
So Captain Ahab wandered back to the parts department and Mondo thought he'd seen the last of him. It was only eleven and the CSB has a new fuck buddy she met at Dollar General, so she rarely shows up before two in the afternoon.
But there had been a fight, or she'd been dumped, because the CSB came staggering in, kicking her fucking dog for stopping in the doorway and yelling at Star to get his fucking ass off the computer and help her carry in the business supplies she'd bought at Big Lots. The supplies were mostly South Beach food and canned peanuts. The CSB is on the Low Carb diet. Not the one that works, the other one that makes you fat. You can tell you're in a place that pays well when the boss buys her food at Big Lots.
Captain Ahab waddled over and complained to the CSB that Mondo wouldn't let him testride a bike.
So the CSB put on her convincing smile, apologized for Mondo's complete lack of professionalism, and let Captain Ahab test ride the Triumph in the rain, wearing flipflops and shorts, and without a helmet.
"Thanks a lot," she said to Mondo, "I had to suck his dick for an hour to make him happy after you told the fat bastard he couldn't ride the goddamn bike."
Repo
The Meal Ticket has decided that helping Star manage the Lazy K is much more rewarding than putting her Nursing degree to work. She gets to answer the phones, file papers, and help the CSB decide what color to paint her toe nails. She can bring her little dog to work, and watch the Poodle hump it.
Unfortunately, Star went out and spent her money like she was going to be a nurse, so they've got some bills.
Now there's one less. A couple of nice guys from the bank came over and picked up Star's Honda VTX1300.
Unfortunately, Star went out and spent her money like she was going to be a nurse, so they've got some bills.
Now there's one less. A couple of nice guys from the bank came over and picked up Star's Honda VTX1300.
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