I apologize to our readers. We are being threatened with legal action by people who believe they own the Lazy K, even though they deny it exists. I have been told to expect to be served any day now. So I pulled this story for a day and decided to put it back up because these mutton heads can't sue us, even if they want to. And if they do, they won't prevail. And if they do prevail, they will get my laptop, lots of nude pics of the CSB and a handful of peanut M&Ms, and that's about it. So I guess they should feel free to go fuck themselves, if they feel up to it and their attorney tells them it is the right thing to do.
Sister Dick
Star has been telling people that the Lazy K is going to have lie detector tests to find out who is talking to the authors of the blog. Star actually told employees that Stupor Trooper Freddie Fife of the State Highway Patrol has a lie detector machine and is going to drop it off at the Lazy K for the CSB and Star to use on the inmates to find the snitch. According to Star and the CSB, they are not going to ask anyone if they are the snitch, but are going to ask people if they know who the snitch is, for legal reasons.
If your IQ was higher than 30 and you showed up at work one day and were told this by management, what conclusions would you draw?
Questions we would like to see asked during these lie detector tests:
Do you illegally buy prescription drugs from your employees?
Are you still having sex with the character known as Taco Dave?
For the Lazy K Junior Rangers out there, here is your secret message of the week in our impossible to break secret code.
Arstay isay Upidstay.
Eallyray eallyray upidstay.
Spring is in the Air
Spring is finally here, and the Lazy K is enjoying some nice warm days. Nothing like a little sunshine to bring the customers in to step over the dogshit and look at bikes.
The guys in service decided that it would be fun to fill the undertail exhaust of a brand new Honda CBR600RR with water while they were washing it. The buyer was at the Buddha's desk, signing the purchase order.
Famous Nobody, the drag racing loser and failure as a service technician, paged Tits Ahoy to the service department. When she wandered back to see what they wanted, hoping it was to smoke another joint in the tunnel, he fired up the bike, revved it to the rev limiter, and doused Tit's tits with water.
Then he filled the exhaust system with water a few more times and shot some of it into the mechanic's bay.
The new guy in service who knows nothing about bikes but is responsible for showing buyers how theirs operates when they buy it, was wheeling a brand new Suzuki C50 back to be prepped. He slipped in the combination of water and motor oil on the floor of the service department, and fell, pushing the Suzuki away as he did. It fell over, and took out a customer's Yamaha Vino scooter, ripping a hole in the seat and leaving a big gash in the plastic.
They told the CSB that the sink had clogged and overflowed and nobody saw the water until it was too late.
The CSB had them put a Lazy K sticker over the big scratch on the fender of the C50, and push the Vino outside to the parking lot and tell the owner that someone pushed it over, so the Lazy K is not responsible for the damage. She told Daffy that when the Vino guy called, to transfer the call to her, and threatened to fire anyone who couldn't keep his fucking mouth shut.
The CSB called her mother and bitched about the fuckups in service.
The guys in service decided that it would be fun to fill the undertail exhaust of a brand new Honda CBR600RR with water while they were washing it. The buyer was at the Buddha's desk, signing the purchase order.
Famous Nobody, the drag racing loser and failure as a service technician, paged Tits Ahoy to the service department. When she wandered back to see what they wanted, hoping it was to smoke another joint in the tunnel, he fired up the bike, revved it to the rev limiter, and doused Tit's tits with water.
Then he filled the exhaust system with water a few more times and shot some of it into the mechanic's bay.
The new guy in service who knows nothing about bikes but is responsible for showing buyers how theirs operates when they buy it, was wheeling a brand new Suzuki C50 back to be prepped. He slipped in the combination of water and motor oil on the floor of the service department, and fell, pushing the Suzuki away as he did. It fell over, and took out a customer's Yamaha Vino scooter, ripping a hole in the seat and leaving a big gash in the plastic.
They told the CSB that the sink had clogged and overflowed and nobody saw the water until it was too late.
The CSB had them put a Lazy K sticker over the big scratch on the fender of the C50, and push the Vino outside to the parking lot and tell the owner that someone pushed it over, so the Lazy K is not responsible for the damage. She told Daffy that when the Vino guy called, to transfer the call to her, and threatened to fire anyone who couldn't keep his fucking mouth shut.
The CSB called her mother and bitched about the fuckups in service.
He's Back
Fearless Leader has returned.
After storming out of the Lazy K, vowing never to return, he found employment elsewhere. It didn't last. Then he found another job. Got fired there too. Then he opened his own shop, because Fearless Leader is an expert in all manner of mechanical repairs. He's the genius who told a customer the second number in an oil viscosity rating is how many minutes it takes to cool. He used to tell us that he could make more money wrenching on bikes in his garage than he was getting to torture the employees of the Lazy K. Shop went under in three months, so that's probably not true either. He got another job. Got fired again. Sold cellphones. For two weeks. Started inviting people to his house. To learn about Amway. Couldn't hang onto any job long enough to be eligible for unemployment benefits when they realized what an idiot he is.
To an idiot, another idiot is a genius. But even idiots can tell that Fearless Leader is an idiot.
So Fearless Leader started emailing the CSB, begging for his job back and sending her photos of his dead dog and the new one he got to replace it.
In order to punish her parents for making her the mess that she is, the CSB convinced them to hire Fearless Leader to manage the Service Department at the original Lazy K. This is the mother ship, where motorcycles are assembled then left out to rust in the rain and snow all winter long and sent out to all the other Lazy Ks.
Bad things are starting to happen.
After storming out of the Lazy K, vowing never to return, he found employment elsewhere. It didn't last. Then he found another job. Got fired there too. Then he opened his own shop, because Fearless Leader is an expert in all manner of mechanical repairs. He's the genius who told a customer the second number in an oil viscosity rating is how many minutes it takes to cool. He used to tell us that he could make more money wrenching on bikes in his garage than he was getting to torture the employees of the Lazy K. Shop went under in three months, so that's probably not true either. He got another job. Got fired again. Sold cellphones. For two weeks. Started inviting people to his house. To learn about Amway. Couldn't hang onto any job long enough to be eligible for unemployment benefits when they realized what an idiot he is.
To an idiot, another idiot is a genius. But even idiots can tell that Fearless Leader is an idiot.
So Fearless Leader started emailing the CSB, begging for his job back and sending her photos of his dead dog and the new one he got to replace it.
In order to punish her parents for making her the mess that she is, the CSB convinced them to hire Fearless Leader to manage the Service Department at the original Lazy K. This is the mother ship, where motorcycles are assembled then left out to rust in the rain and snow all winter long and sent out to all the other Lazy Ks.
Bad things are starting to happen.
Busted
When he's not slurping salty nacho sauce out of her shaved beef taco and sending the CSB emails about big dogs or looking at the nasty stuff the Rhino emails him from littlemidgets.com, Super Trooper Freddy Fife of the State Highway Patrol gets to listen to the CSB complain about this blog. He loves hearing about the blog. It is much better than thinking about his little woman high on life with Taco Dave or ignoring the obvious symptoms of prescription pain medication addiction that have become a part of his daily life since hooking up with the CSB.
According to Freddy Fife of the State Highway Patrol, he has found a way to put an end to the blog and go back to the simple days of wondering where all the pain medications he got when he hurt his back at work disappeared to and worrying about whether or not the CSB is off passing out in Taco Dave's bed or sneaking out for a four hour lunch with some craigslist loser who sent her dick pics at work.
Freddy Fife's very clever theory is that because we used the words State Highway Patrol in an earlier post, the State Highway Patrol will launch a full investigation of this blog. According to Crime Fighter Fife, anytime there is a story that mentions the State Highway Patrol, anywhere, a top secret special division of the State Highway Patrol investigates. Once this extremely top secret division of the State Highway Patrol clears Fife of wrongdoing for whatever he thinks the blog says he's guilty of, they will set their sights on the authors of the blog, for putting the State Highway Patrol in a bad light, according to yet another brilliant theory which it sounds like Secret Agent Fife of the State Highway Patrol came up with over half a bottle of Tequila and the last of his Oxycontin.
So be forwarned, readers, and refrain from making comments which use the phrase State Highway Patrol, or you too may soon find yourself in a cell alongside the guy who tore those tags off that mattress.
Isn't there a speedtrap that needs to be manned somewhere?
According to Freddy Fife of the State Highway Patrol, he has found a way to put an end to the blog and go back to the simple days of wondering where all the pain medications he got when he hurt his back at work disappeared to and worrying about whether or not the CSB is off passing out in Taco Dave's bed or sneaking out for a four hour lunch with some craigslist loser who sent her dick pics at work.
Freddy Fife's very clever theory is that because we used the words State Highway Patrol in an earlier post, the State Highway Patrol will launch a full investigation of this blog. According to Crime Fighter Fife, anytime there is a story that mentions the State Highway Patrol, anywhere, a top secret special division of the State Highway Patrol investigates. Once this extremely top secret division of the State Highway Patrol clears Fife of wrongdoing for whatever he thinks the blog says he's guilty of, they will set their sights on the authors of the blog, for putting the State Highway Patrol in a bad light, according to yet another brilliant theory which it sounds like Secret Agent Fife of the State Highway Patrol came up with over half a bottle of Tequila and the last of his Oxycontin.
So be forwarned, readers, and refrain from making comments which use the phrase State Highway Patrol, or you too may soon find yourself in a cell alongside the guy who tore those tags off that mattress.
Isn't there a speedtrap that needs to be manned somewhere?
Deep Doo Doo
One of our customers became so enraged at how well the Lazy K managed to destroy his motorcycle in the service department, that he went into the bathroom and spread his own shit on all the walls and the toilet, pretty much everywhere he could, so it looked like an installation from Clyfford Still's angry brown phase. And it smelled pretty bad too.
How angry do you have to be to willingly handle your own feces?
The CSB had Baby Hitler make a sign that said the restroom was out of order, and they left it that way for three months, until we hired a new janitor to clean it up.
How angry do you have to be to willingly handle your own feces?
The CSB had Baby Hitler make a sign that said the restroom was out of order, and they left it that way for three months, until we hired a new janitor to clean it up.
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