The Poodle Bites

Today the CSB's poodle bit a little girl. It broke the skin on her wrist. As soon as she started crying, the CSB ran right over and gave her parents a really good deal on an ATV, which pissed the CSB off to no end. As they were leaving, the CSB started saying they were awful parents to let their little girl wander off alone in a store, and that the little girl probably did something to make the poodle bite her.

First published 10/3/06

Taco Dave From AOL

The CSB has a new boyfriend. They met on AOL. He is 23 years old, of Mexican descent and his family doesn't like the CSB. She went to dinner at their house and passed out at the dinner table into a plate full of enchiladas. Taco Dave's mother is quite proud of her enchiladas and the rest of the family was hungry and didn't want to eat them after the CSB went into them face first when the vicodin kicked in. So they don't like her and think she is bad for their son, the drunk who gets into bar fights and spends a lot of nights in jail. He works for Honda, and that's how they tell people they met. On his profile he has an important job and makes a lot of money. In real life Taco Dave doesn't look like he's doing that well. On her profile the CSB is only 37. In real life she's 48. You can't believe everything you read on the internet. She is screaming less today.
She was screaming less, until she got a letter from a customer threatening to picket the Lazy A if we don't fix his motorcycle. It's been here two months waiting on parts. She checks with Fearless Leader, who goes back to the parts department and discovers the parts haven't been ordered. The asshole customer, for that is his name now, also wrote to the manufacturer and the BBB. Even though she doesn't dare join the BBB, she hates hearing that someone complained. Because she has to hear about it from her mother. Over and over again.
"Baby Hitler, Get up here," she pages the service manager over the PA, "Now!"When he comes up she lays into him about Daffy and Smokey and what idiots they are.It is hard for Paco, the new salesperson, to close a deal at the table he likes so much because it is near the front door when the CSB is screaming at the service manager about what a bunch of fucking idiots his employees are.The more she yells, the louder her dogs bark.
Soon they start to howl. Mr. Moose, who is there feeding the Rhino, starts to howl with the dogs. Paco looks over at her screaming, the dogs howling, and Mr. Moose making them howl even louder. Something bothers him. This is not how they did things at his last job.Taco Dave calls the CSB. He calls her a lot now that he got fired from the manufacturer. She screams at everyone to shut up so she can talk to him. Baby hitler sees an opening and makes his escape, Mr. Moose goes back to feeding the Rhino, and Bandit the border collie goes back to the back of the store and takes another crap on the floor.
First published 10/3/06


"Help me lift these jet skis, the customers are gonna be here in two F-ing minutes!" yelled the CSB. Beans, a salesperson, rounds up the under educated and under paid mechanics in service to help with the jet skis. The service crew; Baby Hitler, daffy, smokey and a few other ones that no one knows their name because they just started three days ago, move the 800lbs skis for the CSB's customers.
Smokey, yes you know him, the tall skinny guy in the movie Friday. That's right he "works" and is the "best" mechanic at the dealership. After smoking all day long his eyes are blood shot and almost roll in the back of his head when he appears to be thinking. Don't bother to ask him a question, because you would have to smoke an ounce to understand him.
After moving the jet skis, Smokey heads back to the smoke house (service dept.) Smokey's sight being slim to none, on the account of looking a little Chinese, has a hard time focusing on the tile floor beneath him. Next thing he knows his left foot is sliding out in front of him like he stepped on a banana peel. Before he can even force his eyes wide open, to see what his problem was, his nose told him that he just smeared dog shit everywhere! Making brown footsteps all the way to the restroom, he cleans off his shoe. The whole staff was in tears from laughter. Poor Mr. Moose had to clean up the shitty art work left by smokey and bandit, the dog.
Two days later the health department visited the dealership, to give the CSB a warning. This did not make the CSB happy. As usual when the CSB is having a bad day and there are no maracas to be found, she takes it out on her beloved employees. Secretly she blamed Mondo for the arrival of the health department.
posted by HD_Rep

First published 10/3/06