Zap, you're it

Today the new guy in service and the registered sex offender who cleans the floors started replacing ballasts and lightbulbs. The new guy in service got a pretty good shock when he started replacing the ballasts, because he didn't know you are supposed to turn off the electricity before you start working on lights.

The Old Man and the Gold Wing

The Old Man had a motorcycle when he was younger. He wanted another one and his wife finally died, so there was nobody to tell him no anymore. The Old Man finally saved enough money to buy his dream bike, a brand new cranberry red Gold Wing with surround sound and heated seats. After 30 years of looking at and admiring motorcycles, and wanting another one, he was finally ready to come in and buy his dream, an 850 lb. motorcycle with more horsepower than many small cars.

Friar Tuck was very patient with the old man, and took his time reminiscing about the good old days and telling the old man how much better his life would be when he had the Gold Wing. The Old Man finally bought his first bike since that stepthrough thing he couldn't remember the name of.

The day to pick up the Gold Wing came, and the Old Man showed up with his 15 year old grandson, who had never ridden on the back of a motorcycle, to take the proverbial first ride on the brand new bike.

After one of our surly technicians took ten minutes to explain to the Old Man how all the controls work, the Old Man eased one leg over the bike, and the kid hopped up behind him. The Old Man started the 'Wing and revved the cold motor a couple of times, because that's what you do with a motorcycle, you make noise.

The Old Man put the bike into gear and began his wobbly departure from the dealership. At this point the kid decided he wanted off. He stood up and tried to jump. The Old Man, unaccustomed to having his grandson try to jump off the back of an 850 lb. motorcycle he is riding for the first time, opened up the throttle, and the bike shot forward, then sideways, as it sideswiped three cars then broadsided a minivan.

The bike fell over and the Service Department came rushing over to pick up the bike and help the Old Man into the dealership, where he lay on his back bleeding out his nose and various lacerations on the floor of the service department customer lounge. The CSB ran out to make sure the old man had signed all the delivery papers.

"Did anyone ask if he knows how to ride a bike?" asked Baby Hitler.

"That's not their job," replied the CSB

The woman who was in the minivan came into the dealership, leaned over the old man, told him her neck hurt and asked to see his proof of insurance card.

Less than faithful?

The CSB was busy talking on the phone with some fireman from Myspace, and both Daves were calling and emailing her, trying to set up dates. This was interrupting her ability to have a meaningful conversation with the new love of her life, and bugging the CSB to no end.

The Rhino was getting testy with the Daves, telling them that yes, the CSB knew they called, and would call them back but was with a customer right now, then slamming down the phone and saying, "I hate that asshole."

"Email them both that I am busy and will call them as soon as I'm off the fucking phone, okay," she screamed, then returned to her conversation with a total stranger she met on myspace, which can best be described as a very graphic description of sex involving foreign objects and multiple insertion points.

So the Rhino sent them both an email saying the CSB had gotten their messages, was with a customer and would call them back when she was free. Then she returned to downloading porn off littlemidgets.com and emailing it to her friends and advertising reps at the radio stations we buy time from.

The first Dave to respond was Weavepole Dave. He wanted to know why the CSB is still emailing Taco Dave, after telling him it was over between her and the dark little fellow.

Taco Dave called three minutes later, wanting to know who the hell Weavepole Dave is.

The Rhino didn't realize that when you email two people at the same time, they can see one another's address.

Somewhere in the mind of the CSB, placating total losers you swap body fluids with takes precedence over telling a complete stranger you like to be spanked while wearing a butt plug that has a plastic pigtail coming out your ass. So she told the fireman she had to go, would call him right back, and took the first Dave's call.

It was Weavepole Dave, and the CSB began to explain to him that the Rhino had accidentally sent an email to everyone named Dave in the work computer. Then she told him she loves him, there is nobody else, and she can't wait to see "big daddy."

Taco Dave's turn came, and the CSB explained to him that Weavepole Dave is a customer who is bugging her for a price quote. Of course she wouldn't go out with anyone else, nobody else could ever make her as happy as Taco Dave does, and how is his faggy little dog?

As soon as she got off the phone with Taco Dave, the CSB called the Rhino a fucking idiot in front of the entire office staff, stormed into the back and took a nap with her dogs. She only came out to answer yet another of the Fireman's calls.

Did it ever occur to those dumbshit Daves to email one another and compare notes?

Genius at Work

Daffy decided to give up a good thing and go out and get a real job. So he gave the Lazy K two weeks notice. Then Star decided to fire him. So Daffy went down and applied for unemployment. He got it. This upset Star, because he somehow thought that if you fire someone who gives you two weeks notice, they are ineligible to collect benefits. So he called the unemployment office and began whining at the woman on the other end of the phone. If she could, I'm sure she would give Daffy lifetime unemployment benefits from the Lazy K.

Hot or Sick?

"Beans, Rhino, to the office please!"

Beans and Rhino went to the back office where they found their boss and her sister with a camera and twisted grins on their faces. After the door was shut and locked, the CSB pulled the FSB's jeans down and told the Rhino to take a picture. The FSB was wearing three types of underwear. First a thong, then full legged fish nets, and then white see through granny panties.

The CSB made red welts on her sisters ass with her hand. Then she told her sister to show some cleavage and had pictures taken again. The CSB wanted to send these pictures to the FSB's boyfriend. But the FSB distracted her by saying, "your turn."

The CSB pulled off her jeans and showed Beans her Tigger underwear and asked, "Do these make me look like and old woman?"

Trust me, its not the underwear that makes anyone look old.

After the FSB returned the spankings to her sister, they down loaded the pictures to the office computer. The CSB, being an old pro at this, started sending them to all the men she slept with. And The FSB ran out the door with her camera before her sister could send the dirty picture out.