Flip Out

We sold a guy a motorcross bike we don't have. Not to worry, it's done all the time. The CSB found it at another dealership, and sent Famous Nobody to pick it up.

the CSB was out cold when Famous Nobody returned. He took the bike out of the crate and got it ready for delivery, and then decided to ride it a little, because it's the latest and greatest, and Famous Nobody is the best nobody in the history of drag racing things your father buys you until they break. 

Unfortunately for the Lazy K and the customer, Famous Nobody decided to ride a wheelie, and the bike came back over on top of him. 

Famous Nobody has a clever plan. When the CSB sobers up, he's going to tell her that the bike was scratched up when he took it out of the crate. 

We fix all makes and models

Ever wonder what happens to your bike when you leave it for service?

I have video of Famous Dumbass, the famous dragracer and nobody who works for $7 an hour as a mechanic, doing wheelies through the service bay on a customer's Yamaha Vino scooter.

Want to make an appointment?

Mondo makes a "Deal" with CSB

Mondo's back is causing him pain again so he went to the doctor. The Doctor was nice enough to prescribe him with more than enough vicodin. Seeing as how Mondo has quite a few extra pills to spare, he thinks of the best possible way to use them.

A week ago Mondo took a German bike in on trade. Because he enjoys bending his customers over, the Lazy K has very few dollars in the bike. The dealership doesn't sell this brand normally, so it will be hard for them to get retail out of it.

He sees an opportunity to make money and offers the CSB $5000 on this $7000 bike. His plan is to sell it on ebay and turn a quick profit. He leads everyone to believe that he will be taking it on his yearly trip to South America. CSB turns down his offer.

Another week goes by and Mondo asks Beans if she know the status of the supply of meds that the CSB has. "Not sure but she's been fucking crabby so she probably due for some more, why?" asks Beans. "Well, I have a plan to buy that bike I took in. CSB knows I have extras and she will come to me begging for them!" says Mondo

Needing pills badly, CSB goes to Mondo and works out a deal. "$5000 and 100 of your vicodin, and the bike is yours!" Smiling from ear to ear, Mondo say "DEAL".

Let There Be Light

"If you think you are going to sell something, you might. If you know you are going to sell something, you will," Paco.

"I always assume I won't sell anything, so if I do, I'm pleasantly surprised," Mondo.

Over time some of the lights at the Lazy K have burned out. Because nobody really does anything to make the place nice, this has gone unchecked for at least a year. So it was getting hard to see all the dust on the bikes and people were tripping over dog toys and slipping in pools of dog urine.

Paco, in yet another attempt to make the place nice and normal like everywhere else he's ever worked in his life, went around one day counting the burned out bulbs. There were 83, about a third of the lights in the showroom.

He went to the CSB and she told him that if he brought in a ladder, she would order the lights and he could change them. She told him he could get a couple of the service guys to help him. She also thanked him for rearranging all the bikes and quads while Mondo and Beans counted dwarfs (short customers) They were trying to get to seven. That Paco is enthusiastic.

So the big day came when all the lights would be here and Paco brought his ladder and Mondo and Beans discussed their plans for lunch. Paco got a couple guys out of the service department to help him (they don't have names because next time we mention them they will probably have quit or gotten fired and been replaced), and made a few more enthusiastic comments in front of the CSB about making the store great and how well we would all do, and Mondo just about had Beans convinced that it was her turn to go pick up the food at Chipotle, when the lights finally showed up. There were 30. We needed 83, no 85 because they dropped two and broke them while taking them out of the sockets.

When she returned from picking up lunch, Tits Ahoy, the new receptionist Mondo and Beans convinced to pick up their lunch while they continued counting dwarves, asking one another if Paco counted, making him wonder what they were counting, felt a little disoriented. One corner of the showroom is now eerily bathed in light. And Paco doesn't have anything positive to say about the situation. And he didn't sell anything either.

Taco Dave moves in

Apparently Taco Dave has suffered a few financial setbacks since getting fired. He has declared his undying love for the CSB and moved into her apartment. In addition, he bought a small dog. So they have that in common too.

The Poodle gets his space

Today is the day the radio reps come around. The dealership buys a lot of radio time, and the CSB makes the reps give her free tickets to concerts and football games. Mondo sells them on Craigslist and they split the take.

So there were two radio reps there, to give her tickets and discuss advertising campaigns for the upcoming months.

The CSB decided it would be more fun to create a myspace space for the Poodle, so she and the Rhino spent the afternoon building it, while the radio reps talked to each other and then wandered off.

In other words, the business of selling motorcycles and ATVs came to a halt while the CSB constructed a myspace site FOR HER DOG!!!

On one of his many waddles through the store to the liquor store or out to smoke, the Buddha stopped in front of Mondo's desk, caught his breath and started to doze off.

"I couldn't make this up if I tried," said Mondo.

The Buiddha just nodded and closed his eyes.

After they constructed the myspace space, the CSB spent the entire afternoon showing it to the employees, clicking through the photos and reading aloud the Poodle's profile. She lied about his age too.

Buy Here, Pay Here

The high gas prices are bringing them out of the woodwork. We get about fifteen calls a day from people asking about scooters. Most of them have seen the stuff online and figure that it should be cheaper to buy a Honda or Yamaha at a dealership than some piece of crap from China off the internet. If we have real live customers, they get put on punitive hold until they call back. If it's slow however, and the CSB is passed out in the back room, we put them on speaker phone.

"Lazy K, how may I help you?"
"What's your cheapest scooter?"
"How much are you looking to spend?"
"Not more than $500."
"We have one for $499."
"Really? What kind is it? I don't want none of that cheap Chinese crap."
"You have your choice between a Honda or a Yamaha."
"How fast will they go?"
"About 85."
"I'm liking that. Do you have financing where you don't check credit?"
"Sure."
"How does it work?"
"We give you the bike today and you pay us when you can."
"Now that's what I'm talking about."
"How much money can you put down?"
"I don't want to put no money down."
"Sounds good."
"What's the interest rate? I ain't paying no bullshit interest rate like 12%."
"I don't blame you. Nobody should charge high interest to a deadbeat who doesn't pay his bills. That's a ripoff."
"That's right. What bus will bring me there?"
"I don't know."
"Can't you look it up online?"
"Hold on."

And he did. For 18 minutes. When he called back and asked about five hundred dollar Honda we were going to let him ride home on today, Friar Tuck told him we just sold the last one. He called Friar Tuck a dick and hung up.

Dreamcatcher

Last Friday, the FSB came into the LazyK and hung seven dreamcatchers she bought at the Dollar Store in various places throughout the store. Today, she came back and instructed Star to remove one and move another one 27 millimeters to the right.

The FSB instructed Star to handle the Dollar Store dreamcatchers with latex gloves so his essential oils wouldn't cloud their ability to cleanse the space and activate success energy in the employees, and place the non-operational dreamcatcher into a Fed-Ex envelope that she had drawn sacred symbols on with a Sharpie.

Apparently the spirit world is on the metric system.

Artfully Intoxicated

Bandit stopped to take a pee during one of the events at a Dog Agility national qualification event. The CSB started screaming that she was going to have Bandit put down. She was asked to leave, then escorted out to her car by a bevy of concerned pet owners. She pulled over at a Chili's and washed down a few Vicodans with a couple of low carb Vodkas. She met a really cool group of teenagers on skateboards, and hung out with them for a while, thinking it was cool that they thought she was hot and wanted to make videos of her for Youtube, then she decided to drive home and totalled a parked car before smashing into a retaining wall.

When the owner of the wrecked car called police, The CSB asked them to classify the crash as a "minor incident" and told them she was fucking Freddie Fife of the State Highway Patrol, and that he would make their lives a living hell if they didn't let her go.

They refused and arrested The CSB, who they discovered had a penis drawn on her left cheek with a permanent marker.

The CSB was taken to the local drunk tank,  where she offered an officer a blowjob to take a breath test in her place. The officer refused, and the CSB blew a 0.210, a little over the limit.

After passing out in her car behind Chilis, The CSB woke up and attempted to drive home when she hit the parked car, according to police records.

Police arrived at the scene found a parked car had been "extensively damaged" with the bumper ripped off and the engine exposed. She was seen to be swallowing a large amount of what she claimed were super aspirin when the police pulled up.

The CSB appeared to be heavily intoxicated. She was "observed... as having drawings of penises on the left side of her face and on her left leg, apparently drawn with a black marker".

She had the words "Fuck the State Highway Patrol" written on her back and her pants were down around her ankles. 

According to police, the CSB was abusive and tried to use the fact that she's "Fucking a Colonel of the State Highway Patrol," to have officers cover-up the incident. She claimed she could have them killed by a Colombian drug gang and the CIA as well.

The CSB claims she remembers little of the night. She thinks Bandit was mixing her drinks and could have spiked them with drugs or large quantities of alcohol.