Happy Holidays

The Lazy K will be closed for the holiday season, but will reopen on January 2, or thereabouts. To all our readers, we hope you have enjoyed this little window into our world as much as we have enjoyed showing it to you, and to those readers who have figured out where the Lazy K is, thank you for keeping it to yourselves.


Winch promotions are common. You buy an ATV and get a winch for free. Then you figure out how to put it on. Or you have us do it.

Because most of the service department has quit or been fired after being written up by Star, we are a little short handed. One of those rare geniuses who thinks he keeps us in business by buying three quads over twelve years for just about cost then buying all his parts and accessories on the internet decided to have us put on the free winch. He tried to get us to do it for free, but ended up paying about $100 for what should be an hour and a half of labor. Unfortunately, he was under a time constraint, because his buddies wanted to go muddin' last weekend, which basically means take the brand new ATV out into the woods and see if you can destroy it in an afternoon by repeatedly burying it in mud, so he couldn't wait the three weeks Baby Hitler initially told him it would take for us to get around to doing the job for a hundred bucks.

The only guy available to do the job was the new guy we hired to sweep the floors and polish the bikes. He wants to be a mechanic, and what better way to learn than to install Mr. Tightass's winch.

About two and a half hours into the job, the new guy goes back to the parts department and talks to Baby Hitler. They go out to service, then call the CSB back. Paco is curious, so he wanders back too. All the plastic is off the ATV, as are the wheels, and it is on blocks. But the winch is mounted where it should be. Paco and Baby Hitler help the new guy put the ATV back together, and Mr. Tightass comes to get his quad.

Monday morning, Mr. Tightass shows up at the Lazy K extremely pissed off, with the burned out carcass of his ATV in the back of his pickup. He went muddin' with his dumbass friends, they got stuck, and when he tried to winch them out, the ATV caught on fire. And plastic burns pretty fast and well, especially when the gas tank is full. And tires burn pretty good too. For some strange reason, Mr. Tightass thinks we had something to do with his ATV burning to the ground, and wants us to replace it. It really is amazing to look at in the back of his pickup, and it is very easy to understand why he is so pissed off.

Star explains that he's the manager, and that the winch worked fine at the shop, and that now that he's manager he's decided to be an asshole to customers who don't pay retail, so there is nothing we will do to help Mr. Tightass. We are of course watching this with amusement, hoping Star enrages the hilljack enough so he punches Star out, but no such luck. Mr. Tightass throws one of those "I'm never coming here again," fits, and then demands to speak to the CSB, saying "I only deal with the CSB."

"The CSB is not here right now, and I'm the manager, and I'm telling you we're not going to give you a new quad for free. If you want to take this up with the manufacturer, you can leave your quad here, and I'll give them a call this afternoon. They'll send someone out to look at it."

Unfortunately, because the free winch is always on backorder, the customer's warranty expired a week before he got his free winch, so the manufacturer won't do anything either. We know that, but Mr. Tightass doesn't.

Then Mr. Tightass tells Star he's not going to pay for the quad anymore.

"That's between you and the lender. If you want that on your credit, that's your decision."

"Have the CSB give me a call," says Mr. Tightass, "I'll just deal with her," and literally burns rubber leaving the parking lot.

After confering with the New Guy, Star learns he didn't actually test the winch before giving the quad back to the customer, and may have ziptied the wires to the exhaust header, he's just not sure what an exhaust header is.

Umm What Do I Do?

The FSB thought it would be a grand idea to open up a hour early for a special 15% off accessories when you buy a quad sale. The crystal told her to have all three locations to do this. On a normal day Lazy K gives a 20% off on accessories when you buy a vehicle. So you can tell how special it was.

Guess who forgot he had to be a hour early, Paco. Star looks at him and says "You are a half hour late!" Paco replies "Yea I know, I'm sorry." Star didn't bother to write him up.

Well, it comes as no suprise, there was not one single customer in that first hour. Too bad Buddha and Rhino missed it. Buddha was on vacation and Rhino called in sick with the flu. "WAIT! No Buddha, No Rhino. Who knows how to do finance paperwork?...I don't." Says the CSB.

Star calls the other store, then faxed them the information to do the paperwork for Beans' customer. After he showed the CSB and Tits Ahoy how to do the papers he left to go play with his Nintendo Wii.

As the customer gets ready to sign the paperwork he notices that the percentage was way higher than what Beans told him it would be. "Oh thank God you found that mistake it is pretty bad when our customers have to our job for us." says the CSB. Lucky for Beans the customer didn't get mad and walk out.

So the question remains, why doesn't the owner that has been working the stores her whole life know how to do finance papers??


It's a little slow today, and the CSB got her weekly maraca, so she's feeling no pain. She's been playing with the digital camera we got to post photos of used motorcycles on the internet.

Alfalfa is 17 and works part time in the parts department. He comes over to order a part on the company computer, annoying her because she has to log off myspace and let him use it. While he is there, the CSB gets the bright idea of talking Alfalfa into tucking his penis back between his legs and letting her take photos of his mangina, which she promptly emails to friends and the guys who sell her radio advertising. Then she puts the best mangina photo on her myspace.

Write em up

One of the many rarely used methods of disciplining the inmates at the Lazy K is the write-up. Theoretically you get three and you're automatically fired. Because turnover is so high, few people last long enough to get written up once, much less three times.

Until now.

Since becoming store manager after sleeping with the CSB, Star has been on a write up rampage. In the last three weeks he has written up eight people, including most of service, half of parts and the entire sales staff. Every time the CSB abandons the Lazy K for one of her dog shows, Star gets out the write up forms and starts deciding who's next. The only people he hasn't written up are the Rhino, because she'll kick his ass if he does, The Buddha, because sleeping on the job is not against the rules and Baby Hitler, because they play video games together when they should be working.

It's cold, sales are down, and what better way to boost morale than write everybody up?

But the salespeople laughed, and refused to sign the write-ups. The rest of the day, they made fun of Star and his write ups.

"What are they going to do, fire us?" asked Paco.

This morning, Star told the CSB that he wants to make everyone sign a paper saying that being late is no longer acceptable. The CSB said that isn't going to work around here.

Star took the afternoon off to go home and play with his Wii.


Yesterday was the re-grand opening of the tunnel.

The CSB left for another dog show. Star and Baby Hitler were doing the norm of video gaming. Tits Ahoy brought in some brownies. Rhino and Friar Tuck brought in papers. And Beans brought in the bowl that she borrowed from Rhino.

With all the talk of the possible drug testing the tunnel has been closed for a few months.

To get to the tunnel you must walk through the show room, in to the service waiting room, through the service bay, hop over broken quads that are packed in the back hallway, then out the back door that leads to a small fenced in yard where they keep the broken jet skis.

They use the tunnel to escape their hard jobs and ease their minds by smoking weed.
So while they had no crabby CSB they re-opened the tunnel!!