Overheard at the Quad Show

The inmates at the Lazy K are required to work the annual Quad show, even though it is out of our market area and doesn't generate any business for our particular store. So we have developed an interesting way of expressing our displeasure at losing a weekend to this stupidity. We tell the customers things we find amusing and then watch as they go to the other power sports dealers for third party verification of what we told them.

"You use the winch to raise the quad up into a tree, and then you sit on the front bumper and shoot deer," Friar Tuck .

"The new camouflage attracts deer. They run to it," Friar Tuck.

"The new Can-Am comes with optional glide wings so you can float over sand dunes," Mondo.

"There is a pontoon kit available so you can use it as a boat," Friar Tuck.

"We stopped carrying Polaris since they moved their plant to Communist China," Mondo

"It's next to the plant where Harley builds the sportsters." Friar Tuck

"I hear the electronics on the Polaris are from North Korea." Mondo.

"Next to the Harley plant," Friar Tuck

This so enraged one attendee, wearing a Harley Davidson teeshirt of course, that he started screaming, "Harleys aren't made in North Korea, All they make in North Korea is plutonium. They don't make Harleys in North Korea, I'm a Vet and I know they don't make no Harleys in North Korea!"

"Not the entire bike," Mondo.

"Arctic Cat is going out of business, that's why we don't carry them," Friar Tuck.

"I hear they catch on fire," Mondo.

"Because the electronics are from North Korea," Friar Tuck.

"Suzuki's going to put the Hayabusa motor in a quad," Ol Wigger.

"I wouldn't put my four year old on a 50. You need at least a 125. But don't tell them it's for the kid when you buy it," Mondo.

"Riding two up is no problem, just don't get caught," Ol Wigger.

And whenever someone asks how fast it goes, "Terminal velocity is about 160 mph."

"People say a lot of things about our service department," Mondo.

"When do you think you will be making a buying decision and what features and benefits best suit your needs?" Paco.

There's one in every crowd.

Report a Rhino

Friar Tuck found a neat website where you can report illegal aliens. So he reported the Rhino, and made her sound even worse than she is. which is hard because she is fairly repulsive. Then he showed the site to Fearless Leader. Fearless leader called Baby Hitler, who ran up and showed the Rhino and the CSB, then accused Mondo of turning in the Rhino. The CSB panicked and called her mother, then they decided to have the information taken off the website, then realized they couldn't, because it is true. They talked about it and decided to leave it alone, even though the CSB wanted to contact the webmaster and tell him the Rhino does not have several DUIs, just a few, and she is from Tijuana, not Matamoros. The Rhino told the CSB they might want to just drop the whole matter.

It would be very entertaining for the customers if INS came in and led the Rhino out in handcuffs then loaded her fat ass on a bus to Tijuana.

The CSB may need a new job!!!

The CSB was doing some research on menopause and found that she has quite a few of the symptoms.

She didn't have anyone else around to listen to her stories, except Beans.

"Beans! Listen to this I think I have menopause." The CSB said. "I have mood swings, I'm depressed and I don't know why. I've been a total cunt lately, I yell at people for no reason."

Then she leaned in close to Beans and whispered "They (her Mom & Dad) took away our 3rd week of vacation AND they gave me a pay cut!! I'm so stressed out."

"Holy shit! They gave YOU, their own daughter a pay cut?!" Beans said in disbelief.

Mommy & Daddy taking the allowance away, they must be really hurting for money. Could they possibly be going under?

Readers, lets hope they can pull through or our stories may end.

Smelly Ivan Fixes Mondo's Brakes

Dear Readers,

I apologize for my recent absense. Apparently it is illegal to operate a motor vehicle under the influence of alcohol, even if that motor vehicle is a customer's ATV in for it's first service, and you are just drag racing in the company parking lot and a little of the street during an ice storm. And if you do it more than once in a 6 month period, the state gives you a 3o day vacation at taxpayer expense.

So let's get caught up, OK?

Mondo can do most basic repairs to his weird motorcycle, which is a brand we don't sell. But he would rather use his valuable time to fleece an unsuspecting public caught up in the latest cruiser craze. So he decided to ask Smelly Ivan to replace his brake pads in exchange for a twelve pack of beer.

I think the mistake Mondo made was giving Smelly Ivan the beer when he gave him the bike and brake pads.

It was night and the Lazy K was closed when Mondo got on his bike and rode away. As he was leaving, he noticed a scraping sound and sparks flying from both front rotors. It was fairly dramatic in the dark, sort of like sparklers, and would have looked really neat in a parade. Mondo decided to stop the bike. Smelly Ivan staggered over and looked at the rotors with a flashlight. He couldn't figure out why the bolts holding the calipers on were now digging into the rotors. So he decided to take the calipers off again.

Once he got them off, Smelly Ivan noticed that two of the bolts were about an inch shorter than the other two. He mentioned that he hadn't noticed this before, and figured out that he had put the long bolts where the short ones were meant to go. Once they put the right bolts in the right holes, the fireworks were over, and all Mondo has to remind him of the cost of prepaying for labor with beer is two large gashes running along the front brake rotors.

I think Mondo figured out that Smelly Ivan is an idiot.