Doggie Beatdown

The CSB has been stumbling around a lot lately, on the rare day she shows up for work. When she gets to work, she has a lot of trouble coming through the double doors with both dogs barking and yapping on leashes and her 5 gallon low carb lunch bucket tucked under one arm.

This morning she tripped over Bandit, and fell on her ass.

The CSB got up, set her lunch on Paco's desk, turned the Poodle loose and dragged Bandit, dangling on her back legs, by the leash into the passout room.

There was a thud as something heavy hit a wall, then Bandit started to yelp. There was another couple of thuds, and more yelping.

Oblivious to the imaginary pain in her knee, whichever one it was, the CSB was kicking Bandit and screaming at the fucking dog to stay the fuck out of her way. She didn't want to hit Bandit with her fists, because if she does, Bandit will shy away when the CSB uses hand signals to get her to do dog agility.

Meanwhile, Friar Tuck had a loser come in and try to buy a Suzuki Bergman 400. The scooter retails for $5799, but the guy's credit was so bad he couldn't finance extra cheese on a pizza. So the loser dragged his 84 year old grandmother in, and she got approved for $12,000. After adding lots of freight, prep, and a $250 documentation fee, the scooter came to $11,997 out the door. But Gramma did get a free helmet.

Then we fed Bandit a couple soft tacos from Taco Bell somebody bought last Saturday, and she took a nice big crap back by the waverunners.

Money Saving Ideas

At a time when everything seems to be going up, it's nice to see that something is going down. No, I'm not talking about the CSB after a long lunch with the cute new radio rep. I'm talking about the new pay program.

In the last year, the GOB, or Greedy Old Bitch, formerly the Old Battleax, has implemented several key changes to turn this company around. All of them involve taking back, mostly from the employees or the customers

Let's take a nostalgic look back, shall we?

The first thing to go was a decent healthcare plan. In the last year, it has been changed three times. Each time, it has covered less and cost more, until it cost the Buddha $800 a month for health insurance.

The second thing to go was a third week of paid vacation for the six inmates who have stuck it out for more than 5 years at the Lazy K. This must have saved the Lazy K a small fortune.

The CSB and the GOB got together and decided to raise the doc fee, what we charge for a $8 an hour employee to prepare the customer's paperwork, to $250, even though every other shop around charges about $100. So we lost a few dozen sales a month. But the Lazy K was able to save $27 in commissions on the sales we did make.

There is a charge, called a Pack, that the Lazy K pads the invoice figures with, so commissions are paid on all profit left after the pack. The GOB decided to increase the pack to $395, hoping nobody would notice. This saved up to $30 in commissions per unit, and even more when a lot of the better salespeople quit.

You would think that with all this clever cost cutting, and the $5 minimum commission we've paid since the CSB was getting radio rep's pubes stuck in her braces, the Lazy K would be swimming in money. All the other dealers in the area are doing very well.

But we're not.

So the GOB has decided to cut what's left of the commissions in half. Effective with all new hires, the Lazy K pays 8% instead of 15% and Star is going to close all the sales. He got a big book that tells him how. Star was going to let Mondo read the book, but it costs $20, and that seems like a lot for a book to Star, so he's going to make a photocopy.

Part of the plan was for Paco to close sales too, but he quit.

All the current salespeople will stay on the old pay program, and the new ones will be fucked over by the new one. Should make for an interesting workplace.