Fearless Leader Crashes the Company Truck

Fearless Leader is the store manager. He is a tall, toothless ex-con and former alcoholic, and tries to run the store like he was back in the yard. Unfortunately most people don't want to work in conditions similiar to being in lockdown, so turnover is high.

Somehow or another, Fearless Leader got hold of a big bag of xanax bars and decided to bring them to work, and take a few of them while at work. He figured it would be a nice way to pass the day since the CSB was off. He took a couple and didn't feel anything. Now you have to remember that each bar is scored and you are supposed to break off a section or two and take a normal dose of xanax. A bar is equal to about six doses. So he took a couple more bars. Then he started feeling pretty good and figured a few more bars would make him feel even better. So Fearless Leader sat down at his desk on the showroom floor and decided to let everyone in on how good he was feeling.

He used his cell phone to call Baby Hitler, the service manager, and asking "what you doing?""I'm working," said Baby Hitler, who was indeed working, about twenty yards away from Fearless Leader. About the tenth time he received such a call, Baby Hitler asked Fearless Leader what was wrong with him and then turned off his phone. By this time, Ellie May, the receptionist, realized something was wrong with the Leader of the dealership and convinced Fearless Leader to give her the remainder of the Xanax bars after he took about four more, and told her how beautiful her big tits are.

He really likes her tits, and everyone who was near him needed to know that.A little while later, when there was nobody left to tell how much he liked Ellie May's tits and what sort of noises he would make if he stuck his head between them, Fearless Leader decided to show everyone what a great salesperson he was. He went and stood by the front door and spoke to customers as they entered.

"You don't want that bike," he said, pointing to the Gold Wing by the door, or the door itself, "It's a piece of shit, you want this one," he pointed at a dirtbike or the desk or waved his hand in the air like he forgot how to point, "it's really good, man."

Several customers were treated to his opinion and sales were a bit off that day.At about 6 PM someone had the good sense to get Fearless Leader to go home. He of course insisted on driving himself in the company truck. Somewhere during the course of his journey, he sideswiped a car and continued merrily on his way home.Fearless Leader's wife, the straight bulldyke, called the paramedics because she realized he was acting stranger than usual, and that's pretty hard for Fearless Leader to do.

Somehow Fearless Leader mistook the paramedics for Police Officers, remembered some of the bad experiences he'd had with the Police over the course of his life, and began to fight them. Fortunately enough Xanax to stone an elephant had made him easy to subdue, and the Paramedics strapped him to a board and took him to the hospital, where he eventually made a full recovery and returned to being a simple nutcase.

first published on 10/3/06

All new adventures in Motorcycle Hell at http://saintmanure.blogspot.com

Katana Fest

To reflect truth in advertising, we have modified a recent Lazy K ad.

LOOK AT THE INCREDIBLE DEALS ON THE Suzuki Katana that they quit making because it is a turd.
We carry Motorcycles, ATV's, Scooters, & Watercraft from lots of companies who wish we didn't.
We have 5 locations to better screw you over.
We "Ride" what we sell and service except none of us actually ride.
We pride ourselves on customer service and fucking you over.
We have an incredible selection of parts and accessories from three years ago.
We have factory trained technicians at all locations who are invisible
NEW 2006 Suzuki Katana WAS Nine Million Dollars.... NOW ON SALE FOR $29.50 PLUS the highest DOC FEE you can imagine, TAX, TITLE, & TEMP TAG... NO HIDDEN CHARGES! Because we are being sued by the District Attorney right now for putting hidden charges in contracts.

The CSB Chases Down the FedEx Driver

It's that time of the month for the CSB. Not that time of the month. It's always that that time of the month for the CSB. This time of the month is the time the FedEx driver brings her month's supply of "pain" meds. But where is he? The CSB calls the pharmacy, up in Canada. They give her a tracking number and she screams at the Buddha to get the fuck off the computer. He is running a credit application to see if someone can buy a motorcycle, which is what the company does, sell motorcycles. So the CSB gets online and sees that the delivery has not been made yet, even though it is 10:12 in the morning and the delivery should be there by 10 AM. So she calls FedEx and starts screaming at the customer service rep, demanding that they stop what they are doing, and bring her the package. She really needs that package, and it is after 10. The "fucking bitch" on the other end of the phone explains to the CSB that it is not FedEx policy to drop what they are doing and deliver a package, and assures her that the package will come a little later. As she screams at the FedEx customer service rep, the phone somehow becomes disconnected, causing her to let off a tirade heard by everyone within earshot about those fucking assholes who work for FedEx. She calls FedEx back and is very nice this time, asking if they can tell her where the driver is, so she can go pick up the package in person. Apparently this too is against FedEx policy, because she calls the person on the other end of the line a fucking cunt and slams the phone down hard.

About twenty minutes later the FedEx driver walks in. He stops at the door and shakes the package. Hearing a sound like a maraca, he knows where to take it.

More Motorcycle Madness at http://saintmanure.blogspot.com

First published 10/3/06