Taco Dave and the Happy Pills

Over the winter, the CSB has become a fat old drugged out skank. Her skin is pale and dry, and she has blotchy red spots on her face. Her eyes are dead in her face, and she has the attention span of a rabbit. She seems to have a harder time reaching normal on the pills she takes, and has been hell to work for. Her theory that if you surround yourself with oxen and other large beasts of burden, you will seem hot by comparison, has not been working lately. The CSB is fat and old and repulsive, despite reading diet tips on the Internet all day, whereas before she was just a bitch, and hotter than all the other women of the Lazy K because they really do look like something you would hitch to a plow and beat with a stick to make it work. Jay, the lantern jaw spousal equivalent of Beans, describes the CSB over beers as downright scarey.

Fortunately for her, Freddy Fife of the State Highway Patrol doesn't notice. He's just happy to have a woman, because he's a big bipolar dork, and weird as shit and carries a gun. This is a guy who would ruin a 16 year old kids life for having a joint, and he's conveniently overlooking the fact that his skank steals all his pain killers.

Tits Ahoy brought in a book about the danger of long term opiate use, and left it around, then dusted off the cobwebs after a few weeks and told the CSB it was an interesting book. The Rhino has left her own AA Blue Book lying on the counter. The pages are turning yellow before our eyes.

When the CSB is out of Happy Pills, she is an absolute bitch.

Fortunately for us, Taco Dave came through.

The dogs were locked in the back office while the CSB was out at her Doctor's, the one who she is trying to convince she is really in a lot of pain and needs the percs. Suddenly, they started barking and chewing on their squeaky toys. Mondo decided to go into the office and kick the shit out of them until they shut up. He opened the door and found Taco Dave and his faggy little Jack Russell sitting on the dog bed. Taco Dave was happy to see Mondo, and happy to see everyone who works at the Lazy K. He had on a happy face, and his eyes were glazed and shiny in his happy little Mexican head.

The CSB returned and took Taco Dave with her to the bank. Somehow she too got happy on the ride to and from the bank. It was a happy day for the CSB and Taco Dave.

Then she had the Rhino do a mapquest of Freddy Fife's house, so she could find it. She's been practically living there for months, but forgot where it is.

Bad Brakes

A woman brought her ZX6 into the service department today and accused the Lazy K of causing her to wreck it by forgetting t0 put brake fluid in the front reservoir. She had gone into a corner and put on the front brake, and the bike just kept right on going straight. The bike had been scraped pretty bad down the right side.

The new service manager remembered the bike. It was the one that her husband had wrecked around the corner from the Lazy K the day he rode it home. Tits Ahoy had seen him hit a curb, and then called Baby Hitler and Star to come watch the guy pick up his bike. They thought it was pretty funny. The guy's wife was in a van behind him, following him home.

"Didn't your husband wreck this bike right around the corner on his way home?" asked the service manager.

"No," she said. "I went to ride it this morning and it had no brakes because you guys forgot to put brake fluid in it."

The service manager went out to find the husband, who was trying to hide behind their pickup.

"Didn't you wreck this bike right around the corner when you were leaving with it?" he asked.

"Yes," the husband looked down.

"You didn't tell me that," said the wife.

"I think you need to call your insurance agency," said the service manager.

"It's not insured," said the husband.

Paco's buddy the tour guide says that if his paycheck isn't at least $2000 on Friday, he's out of here. Last week, he sold one bike and earned the $5 minimum commission. I think we'll be saying so long soon. Time is running out to take a guided no pressure tour of every bike in the Lazy K.

Liar Liar

Paco worked a sucker over a long time before he got the guy to pay $8000 for a Yamaha TTR 230, which lists for $3099. Lots and lots of Freight, and even more Prep. With all the Freight this guy paid, he could have bought a ride on the space shuttle. He got sent to the moon.

Paco was contento, and the customer was happy to be getting the best TTR230 ever made, or at least the most expensive. Then an angry service customer came up to the front counter and demanded to talk to the CSB.

The CSB had left right after lunch because she has dog training at 8:00 at night and forgot her dog training clothes.

So Star decided that the best place for the angry guy to vent was right next to Paco's desk, so Paco, his Mark, and the wife and child of the mark could hear that the guy's bike was in our service department for 5 months, the parts were supposed to be here, and they still aren't, and he'd been told they would be next week for the past five months. He used the term Liar several times in reference to pretty much everyone he'd dealt with back in Service.

Star finally got a word in edgewise, and ignoring what the customer had said about all the lies he'd been told for the last five months, told the guy that if they told him the same thing last Tuesday, it was because they didn't know the part his bike needed was on backorder, and that they just found out the part was on backorder, and that's why they were now telling him the part was on backorder.

And it will probably take another 5 months to get the part.

Accidental Discounts

A guy bought a used GSXR 600 on layaway, and made the first payment of three. He came back to make the second, and Tits Ahoy glanced at his paperwork then said, "just take this form back to service and they'll give you your bike, honey."

So he did.

And they did.

Easter Feast on the way to the Bathroom

From his corner, the Buddha spied the donuts on the sales desk in the middle of the showroom. The Buddha likes donuts. And he had to go to the bathroom.

He pushed himself up out of his chair, the special one rated for 500 pounds that he has trouble sleeping in when things are slow, and walked toward the bathroom. He stopped at the sales desk and took a donut, then ate it on his way to the bathroom.

On his way back from the bathroom, the Buddha spied the cupcakes shaped like little pink easter bunnies that someone in the Parts department had brought in. He ate one on his way back to the sales desk, where he grabbed yet another donut, which he ate on the way to his desk. Do they make 600 lb. rated chairs and who's wearing that groove into the floor?