Smelly Ivan and the Rod of Glass

Sounds like a Harry Potter story, doesn't it?

The women of the Lazy K were milling around the counter, finishing off a couple dozen donuts that one of the radio reps had brought in. He doesn't get as much of our business as the guy who brings in dog treats and tells the CSB how hot she is, But he's an allright guy and he does get us free tickets to stuff, which Mondo sells on craigslist, then splits the take with the CSB. The Buddha had his own pile of donuts at his desk and another hidden in one of the drawers, next to the remains and wrappers of christmas candy different customers had left for the CSB.

Smelly Ivan came up to the counter and said he has something to show them. He reached into his tankbag and pulled out a glass dildo, which appeared to need a good washing. Smelly Ivan told the women of the Lazy K that he always has this dildo with him, just in case he meets a woman who wants to have wild sex. He set it on the counter and rolled it back and forth. He then decided to regale the women of the Lazy K with stories of the adventures he and the dildo had shared. Though it pained her to do so, TitsAhoy offered him a donut, in the hope that he knew the rule about not talking with food in your mouth. Smelly Ivan declined the offer, and went on to describe the things he could do to TitsAhoy with the dildo, He claimed to have several more at home.

Just when it looked like there would be no respite from the deluge of dildo stories, One of God's motorcycle riding minions came to the counter, commented on the donuts, showed the Rhino and TitsAhoy his new "What Would Jesus Ride" patch, next to the one that says "Aim for the Turban," and asked why his bike leaks oil from the valve covers ever since the Lazy K did the first service. The CSB looked up from myspace, and told the Rhino to call back to the Service department to find out what the hell is going on with Mr. Holier than thou's VTX 1800.

Smelly Ivan and his dildo went back to making bikes leak oil.

About half an hour later, the Rhino told TitsAhoy that the glass dildo felt like someone throwing a hotdog down a hallway.

Rhino's Wits End

I find this blog to be hilarious. But, now there is something very serious going on at the Lazy K. Please do not laugh at The Rhino's misfortune!

The Rhino was adopted by a Mexican couple that lived in California. They breezed through the adoption paper work without a care. No big deal 30 years ago.

Well, now 30 years later, the Rhino misplaced her drivers license at the gay bar. She went to the DMV to replace it. "Not with out proper identification, we can't accept a birth certificate that is in Spanish!" They said.

Then the Rhino went back to the gay bar to drink her frustration away. After having 18 beers and 5 shots she decided to drive home. The Rhino drove off the road and hit a huge telephone pole. She was so intoxicated she didn't know why her SUV was not moving. Forward and reverse, forward and reverse. That went on until a cop happened to drive by. Of course, they arrested her. Somehow, they were able to identify her as the Rhino. Huh, I wonder why the DMV couldn't!

So, the Rhino can only prove who she by being a criminal. Interesting.

The Rhino can't stand working for the CSB anymore. But, where can she get a job without an I.D. She has spent $5000 in lawyer fees trying to prove she is the Rhino. No luck!

Everything has built up inside her. Her parents will not help fix the problem they created years ago by incorrectly signing adoption papers. Lawyers taking money but, not finding an answer. The DMV saying that a photo copy of her old I.D., social security card, and 3 credit card in her name is not I.D. enough. Trapped inside the prison walls of the Lazy K, with the CSB as a warden, she had a mental break down a few weeks ago and was severely depressed. Mr. Moose took the Rhino to the hospital because she couldn't stop crying and was making suicidal threats.

The Rhino is out of the hospital now and is doing OK. She made appointments with a counselor.
Poor Rhino, had to use all two weeks of her vacation to pay for her bills.


The Lazy K full-time employee vacations are as follows: after two years of employment you receive 1 week paid, after three years you receive 2 weeks paid, maxing out at after five years and receiving 3 weeks of paid time off.

Well, that is what was stated in the employee hand book years ago about the time Star, Beans and Rhino were hired. Over the years those handbooks have strangely disappeared.

The CSB never worried about any employee lasting a full year let alone FIVE years. Who would be tolerant enough to last that long? Who is glutton for punishment?

In one month from now it will be the five year anniversary of Star, Beans and Rhino.

And to congratulate her employees the CSB took away the five year/3 weeks policy. Now, they are only allowed up to 2 weeks, which they received two years ago.

Awww, she is so nice!!

Dick Pics

Do you ever read craigslist and wonder who responds to the total losers who post photos of their hardons? The CSB does, that's who. In addition to Freddy Fife, Barney's taller and less intelligent cousin, the Weavepole Dave of Notre Dame and Taco Dave and his faggy little dogs, the CSB has started seeing some guy she found on craigslist who sends her photos of his dick. Now we all get to see these photos on the computer Suzuki bought us to order parts and report sales and warranty information.

Food for Thought

There are three left over Taco Bell tacos and half a gyro from last Saturday, because the Buddha took the day off and wasn't here to finish everyone else's lunch, and the service department and parts went in on some brats that they barbecued in one of the service bays. Friar Tuck thought about feeding them to Bandit, then decided to wait a while. So he put them in his desk. They should be ripe by Wednesday.