The Sound of Silence

The employees of the Lazy K are not speaking to one another, because they don't want to appear in this blog. I kid you not. They think one of them is a mole, and keep changing their minds as to who it might be. They spent a day looking for cameras in the bathroom. The cameras were taken out a week ago when one of the ex-inmates went on a permanent lunch break.

The theory is that if you don't appear in the blog, you are probably the snitch. Man is that difficult to manipulate when you are dealing with a bunch of paranoid half wits.

The CSB called two people she thinks are two of the three authors, the ones who left the Lazy K, and told one she was really surprised to read the blog, because she considered the author a good friend, and is feeling hurt and sad, even though she constantly berated that person over a 5 year period, and the CSB asked the other one to come back to work, even though she thinks he tried to kill her dogs.

Did she sound fucked up to you too?

She has been leaving comments on the blog, and they are interesting to see. YOU CAN TELL SOME OF THEM ARE HERS BECAUSE SHE WRITES LIKE THIS. But today it was learned that someone at the Lazy K actually demonstrated to the CSB how to turn the caps off, so it gets a little tricky from here on out. If they seem to lack a certain lucidity, or appear to have been written by an alien as a means of communicating with the mother ship or someone back on her home planet in code, chances are that the CSB is the author.

Little Baby Hitler says that if one of the alleged authors sets foot in the Lazy K, Baby Hitler will put the smackdown on him, because he brought Baby Hitler's family into the blog by mentioning that Baby Hitler's wife is fat and doesn't give it up, or at least that's what Baby Hitler says to anyone who will listen all the fucking time. Baby Hitler should be happy we haven't gotten to the story of him and CBR600 girl yet. But that light at the end of the tunnel is going to look mighty like a train when it gets close. Because we will. Soon.

Business is a little slow at the Lazy K these days and the rats are jumping ship.

Star had an interview on his day off at the large clean new Motorsports dealership in town, and has been sending inquiries to dealerships in the state where he hopes his Meal Ticket lands a job. We have been told that they interviewed him at the Motorsports dealership as a joke, because they have read the blog and wanted to meet him. They're still laughing. He should buy that trash car that only a loser would drive while he still has a co-signer.

Paco is wondering if the place he used to work did go back to the old pay plan, the one they had when he was happy there. He heard they did, and wants to check it out.

Mondo is trying to marry an illegal alien he met on a recent road trip and move to a sweaty third world country.

And speaking of illegal aliens...

The Rhino is stuck to her chair like a week old burrito, the kind we like to feed Bandit, waiting for that wonderful day her green card arrives. She likes Karaoke, and needs to learn the words to "(I want to live in) America," from West Side Story. Friar Tuck is still calling the INS, trying to get her fat ass deported.

So what's new at the blog, you might ask? Well, we have a new author, who goes by the name of JW. He read some of the blog, thinks he knows the CSB, and has offered to share his experiences with her. Evidently the Bitch did a lot of Crazy Screaming during the whole time he was working with and fucking her. He claims to have been in sales and 20 years her junior. He also says she likes it rough. Really rough.

Who says Spring is not in the air? Things are definitely warming up at the Lazy K.

What Our Customers Say

This post could be about the Lazy K, if it really exists.

Sales- Fuckers Screwed me over on the price didn't realize that they had till it was over, kept pulling me away, then sign this go look at this so in the end they scewed me out of $700. WILL NEVER GO BACK!!!! Sad thing was I really liked the salespeople, I didn't think they were screwy I was wrong!!!!!!

Service- I've never had anything worked on there. Thanks god!!!! My predelivery check was horraible. The kid that did it knew nothing about the bike. He didn't know where the key went, how to start it, or where to put oil in it. This would be the kid that would be working on your bike. No one in service was older then 23. It might have just been a night "off" but they where throwing stuff in the service area and hot rodding the four wheelers in the back. Not a place I would leave my bike. I've heard from others also, you can get a good deal there but never take your bike there for service.

Fun With Video

One of the most amazing things you can do with video these days is hide it anywhere. On March 31, we hid two cameras in the only operational bathrooms at the Lazy K. Here is what we learned...

1. Baby Hitler and Twerpy, his little parts monkey, spend a lot of time comparing privates in the restroom. Twerpy has parental issues, and Baby Hitler doesn't get any at home. They're on the lowdown (or is it downlow?).

2. Mondo is capable of having phone sex with five different women in four different languages to completion.

3. One of those women may be Beans, who sits quietly at her desk then thrashes about a bit and can't believe she is actually doing this.

4. Paco sits down to urinate.

5. The weird guy pees in the sink.

6. You don't want to go in there right after the Buddha.

7. Star and his friend the I.T. guy like to play with one another's Wii's in the bathroom near the parts department.

But the icing on the cake is that...

Every now and again, Star and the CSB go into the bathroom near the five dollar room and snort coke off the back of the toilet, then fuck like little monkeys.

I hope his Meal Ticket doesn't catch anything. She seems really nice.

Star Wants To Fire the Entire Sales Staff

One of the tricks we use to lure morons who call into the Lazy K is to give them a price that is too good to be true. If the bike retails for $10,000 and the invoice is $9200, we will tell the idiot on the other end of the line that he can buy the bike for $8450. This gets a lot of them in the door.

Often they have driven a couple hundred miles to get the bike at this low low price, much lower than anyone else will sell the bike for. We got tired of having them scream at us and call us liars and con artists when we give them the bad news, so now when we do the old bait and switch, we tell them to ask for Taco. Well, all but one of us does.

Star somehow intercepted a call from someone asking for Taco, and decided to exert his managerial power. He started screaming like a little girl at Lil' Wigger, who was the only person there, that he wanted to know who was telling people to ask for Taco.

"I'm sure it's Mondo, if I find out who it is, he's fired. If you can't tell them your real name, you shouldn't be answering the phone," said Star, prancing around like fresh meat in a Turkish prison.

"Maybe it's Paco and they got confused," said Lil' Wigger. "Paco, Taco, Taco, Paco, they are very close. I haven't heard anyone do this."

"I know it's Mondo, and if I catch him doing it, he's fired. I'm going to fire someone."

So now Paco does get all the sales calls, and everyone else is pissed off.

The State Inspector

A guy came in and started talking to the salesmen. Mondo noticed his identification badge was from the Department of Motor Vehicles. Because the Lazy K is often in violation of the law for some reason or another, usually involving something Mondo made a customer pay for that doesn't exist, like brake pads for a jet ski, this and the way the guy walked right in and sat down at his desk, made Mondo uneasy.

The guy chatted for a while about bikes and business, then asked who was the responsible for paperwork.

Mondo quickly pointed at the Buddha, "The guy in the corner next to the candy machine."

When a new company decided to put a candy machine into the Lazy K, they looked around and decided that the best place to put it was near the Buddha's desk. Go figure.

The salespeople went back to making the big decision of the day, Chipotle or McDonalds, and discussing whether or not Beans was really gay. Friar Tuck believes her gayness can be cured by a sexual experience with an angry fat man. Mondo thinks it would take a lot more liquor than any of them can afford, since the CSB figured out a new way to fuck the salespeople out of another $31 in commissions on every bike sold. Paco likes two double cheese burgers for $2, the most money his wife will let him leave the house with.

The Buddha paged Mondo to the finance office, also known as the desk in the corner with the really strong chair, and Mondo turned two shades of white. Friar Tuck said he hoped Mondo was going to jail. Paco wanted to know if Tits Ahoy would go to McDonalds for everyone. Beans got the fax form for Chipotle.

The Buddha told Mondo that two of his victims had been approved for financing. Why he decided to wait until he had the inspector from the Department of Motor Vehicles at his desk is anyone's guess. The Buddha has an inscrutable way about him.

The CSB decided to talk to the Inspector. She started rambling about dog shows and dog agility and training dogs and doc fees and freight and prep and how her mother, the Old Battleax, was the person he should be talking to, because she handles all that sort of stuff, but she's out of the state at a dog show and will be three counties over when she gets back. She put on her biggest fake smile, a largemouth bass frown turned up at the edges, all the more hideous since she's not wearing makeup because she got dog crap in her eye, and it's swollen and red and probably smells bad, and she rambled on for about half an hour, while Bandit barked and begged for treats, until the inspector realized he had to be somewhere fast. Then she went back to talking to the poodle about his Myspace page.

The Inspector was here about an identity theft case.

Daffy Gets a Clue

Daffy somehow stumbled across this blog at his new job, and said, "Hey, that happened to me too. That Daffy guy's pretty cool."

One of the funny about Google AdSense is that from time to time, the dealership where Daffy now works was an advertiser on this blog.

Daffy read further and realized that he and one of the characters in the blog shared a number of experiences. He thought that was an amazing coincidence. And wasn't it amazing that there was a character where he used to work who was as big an asshole as Baby Hitler? Baby Hitler would be just as amazed as Daffy was at the coincidences.

He emailed Baby Hitler about the blog, so now the inmates at the Lazy K know it exists. They spent an entire day reading the blog instead of working.

Things might get interesting.

Tits Ahoy Clocks In

Saturday morning, Tits Ahoy called the Lazy K ten minutes before we opened. The Rhino was sure Tits Ahoy was calling in sick or late with a hangover. But she was just calling to be clocked in, because the CSB asked Tits Ahoy to bring her some percodans and dog snacks at the dog show. And delivering drugs and dog treats to the CSB at the dog show is something you get paid to do at the Lazy K.

Later in the afternoon we got a call that Tits Ahoy's sister was seen stumbling out of some guy's apartment and staggering down Main Street in broad daylight.

The CSB has had an eye infection for the last week, and looks particularly old and frightening. She got bacteria in her eye when she was cleaning the dog shit off Bandit's tail on the front counter, while customers were buying motorcycles.

Star and his meal ticket might break up. Star saw a car he likes, and the meal ticket told him it was a trash car that only a loser would buy, and that she expects better of him. Why? Star said the meal ticket can buy whatever she wants, but he's got a 20 grand down payment sitting in the parking lot, the Tahoe he bought three months ago. He's buried in it, and can't trade it in for another five and a half years. Better go back to buying video games. Star spent most of Saturday back in the service department with Baby Hitler, reading something on the computer.

Speaking of getting buried in something, Paco finally got rid of his clown bike, the Buell in circus colors that would look good being ridden around in circles under the big top. The CSB took him to the cleaners when he traded it in for his new ZX-14, which must be a good one, because it was mighty expensive. He's buried. But Paco is happy, now he can escape his wife and litter and ride around in circles on his Kawasaki in his Harley jacket and faggy chaps. You would think someone who knows how to sell bikes would know how to buy them too. Talk about a waste of ass kissing. He should have offered her a handful of his wife's pain meds and twenty dollars.