Captain Ahab is a big fat miserable fuck. He comes into the Lazy K and starts demanding things, then buys his bikes somewhere else. Everybody has wasted too much time at least once finding out Captain Ahab is completely full of shit. So we ignore him and eventually he goes away. In the real world, Captain Ahab yells at his wife and drives a garbage truck.
We have a Triumph America that we took in trade. It's a nice clean bike he can't afford, and Captain Ahab likes Triumphs.
"I want to take that Triumph on a test ride," he said to Mondo.
"Do you want to buy it?"
"I want to ride it. To see if I like it."
"We don't let people take testrides when it's raining and they're wearing sandals and shorts," replied Mondo, and went back to signing Matt Mladin's name to posters he sells on ebay, "This isn't a petting zoo for grownups."
"I know the CSB, and she lets me ride whatever I want."
"She's not here."
So Captain Ahab wandered back to the parts department and Mondo thought he'd seen the last of him. It was only eleven and the CSB has a new fuck buddy she met at Dollar General, so she rarely shows up before two in the afternoon.
But there had been a fight, or she'd been dumped, because the CSB came staggering in, kicking her fucking dog for stopping in the doorway and yelling at Star to get his fucking ass off the computer and help her carry in the business supplies she'd bought at Big Lots. The supplies were mostly South Beach food and canned peanuts. The CSB is on the Low Carb diet. Not the one that works, the other one that makes you fat. You can tell you're in a place that pays well when the boss buys her food at Big Lots.
Captain Ahab waddled over and complained to the CSB that Mondo wouldn't let him testride a bike.
So the CSB put on her convincing smile, apologized for Mondo's complete lack of professionalism, and let Captain Ahab test ride the Triumph in the rain, wearing flipflops and shorts, and without a helmet.
"Thanks a lot," she said to Mondo, "I had to suck his dick for an hour to make him happy after you told the fat bastard he couldn't ride the goddamn bike."
