Star is a Pole Smoker

Star has a close personal companion, Big Gay Byron, who he likes to spend a lot of time with in gay bars. But they are just friends who like to go out and try to pick up women together. The fact that they look for these women in gay bars might explain their lack of success and why they spend a lot of nights snuggling up together, commiserating their loses in a cozy little downtown flat.

When he is not trying to sell something or getting high in his car, Friar Tuck likes to stir the shit. So he has been back in Service and standing at the Parts counter, telling everyone that Star is a fag. This has upset Star greatly. He is very sensitive about his special friendship with Big Gay Byron, who introduced him to his Meal Ticket.

So Star went to the CSB, and got Friar Tuck written up for sexual harassment. The CSB sat Friar Tuck down and explained to him that it isn't nice to make fun of fags, and that the Lazy K doesn't discriminate against people because of their sexual orientation.

Star decided this wasn't the way he wanted the dressing down to go, and realized things were getting out of hand when the CSB said that a lot of her friends are gay and they are very sensitive, and Friar Tuck shouldn't tell everyone Star is gay, because a lot of people keep their private lives private.

By the time the CSB brought up personal water based lubricants, and the Rhino was doing an internet search for gay bars in the local metropolis and they were laughing and asking him if he'd been to various ones, Star decided writing up Friar Tuck was turning out to be a bad idea.

He asked the CSB if she could just tell Friar Tuck not to do it anymore, and not to make fun of his big gay friend and to stop telling everyone that they were gay lovers.

The CSB had the Rhino write up and distribute a memo to all the employees that they were not to make fun of Star's sexual orientation, whatever it may be.

Chasing Cars and Trucks

A guy came to the front counter, and asked to speak to the manager. The CSB looked up from cruising craigslist for more dick pics, and asked what was the problem.

"I just want to tell you that you lost a customer," he said, and walked out.

"Thank you for letting us know," said the CSB, and went back to answering personal ads.

Then for some reason, she sprang to her feet and ran out to his truck, and stood in the doorjam so he couldn't close his door, until he explained what the problem was. Apparently the service department had ruined his ATV and couldn't figure out how to make it like it was when it ran and he brought it in for it's first service.

The last time we can remember the CSB chasing a truck turned out to be a bad experience for her. She had found her "boyfriend", one of the salesmen who was about 20 years younger than her and a good friend of Star's, in a gay bar, with his arm around a fellow male expert in the art fellatio. The CSB started to rant at him/them about how wonderful she was until he ran from the place. Like any sane woman who finds her boyfriend/employee with his arm around another man in a gay bar, the CSB gave chase.

Star's very close friend got into his truck, then locked the doors and started to leave. After running around the truck banging on the windows and kicking the doors, the CSB decided the best way to deal with the situation was to jump in the back of a moving pickup. She missed and fell off, and showed up at work the next day with black eyes and bruises.

We never could figure out how you get two black eyes from falling out the back of a pickup truck. But to the CSB, this was the most plausible story she could come up with.

The Homeless Guy

The Manatee watched a Homeless Guy wander into the $5 room and wheel a dirtbike out of the Lazy K. She thought a while, which she isn't very good at, then told Star what she had seen. Star explained to the Manatee that even though he looks like a bum with a bad white man afro who is trying to steal a motorcycle, the Homeless Guy is the hilljack who used to assemble motorcycles at one of the other Lazy Ks, then married the Fat Sneaky Bitch, the only one of Crustys spawn to actually attend special education classes. Marrying the FSB somehow qualified the guy who assembled motorcycles to run the brand new Lazy K.

Do brilliant business decisions like that on the part of Old Crusty and the Old Battleax somehow explain the steady six year decline in unit sales at the Lazy K? Business everywhere else seems to be booming.

Cheating Time

The CSB has borrowed a page out of her sister, the FSB's (Fat Sneaky Bitch) playbook, and decided the best way for the Lazy K to get out of it's present financial mess is to steal commissions from the salespeople whenever she can.

Her latest trick is to bring a used bike in on trade at a very low Actual Cash Value (ACV), and pay the salesperson his commission on that transaction, then raise the ACV on the used bike when it is sold, so the LazyK pays less commission, because there is less profit in the deal. The FSB gets away with this, because she can't get good salespeople to work for her and by the time a new hire figures out what's going on, he's already got one foot out the door.

At the Lazy K, this bit of subterfuge lasted about 12.1 seconds.

All the salespeople were ready to quit, and only the Tour Guide was giving guided tours.

Star was sent out to deal with the sales staff, while the CSB got on the phone to the Old Battleax and explained the situation.

"They can all go. I've done it before by myself, and I can do it again. I don't fucking need them to sell a fucking thing," she said, "They're harrassing me every goddamn day, from morning to night. I don't need this shit."

This went on for several hours, then a maraca (A fedex package that makes a rattling sound when you shake it. The CSB gets them several times a month.) came from the overseas pharmacy, and the CSB was able to relax and call the Old Battleax back and they agreed that since they'd been caught fucking Lil' Wigger out of his commission this time, they'd pay him what he deserved. It's all the times they don't get caught that will pull the Lazy K out of the neverending downward spiral to financial ruin. That and taking a weeks paid vacation away from all the employees who have been there five years or more. And stealing salespeople's Yamaha spiffs.

Once they decided to pay Lil' Wigger what he earned, the CSB went out onto the sales floor and told the sales staff she had resolved the issue in his favor, and it was all a big mistake that won't happen again. But she did call the Old Battleax, even though she hates talking to that fucking bitch (as she puts it), and get it taken care of, because she loves all the salespeople and they are all her favorites.

What are the odds a Las Vegas bookmaker would give that if the CSB told you that you are the only one in her life, and you left town for a long weekend, the CSB would not call and email Taco Dave, talk about spanking and anal sex, arrange to meet him, then leave early?

I hope nobody took that bet.

Over the Rainbow

Paco has become positively psychotic over pictures of rainbows, and demands that they be removed from the company website, because he thinks people think he works in a Gay Store now.
Paco is also upset because the CSB will sell motorcycles to customers for less than she sold one to him, and the other salespeople make fun of Paco for letting her rip him off.

Paco Works in a Gay Store.

And he does own a lot of leather clothing.

FYI- We have decided to quit moderating comments. Post whatever you want. Enjoy.

The Buddha's New Bike

Recently the CSB called one of the people she thinks is responsible for the blog and offered him the Buddha's job if he would come back, even though Star and Baby Hitler say they will leave if he comes back. They won't. They've tried and found they have nowhere else to go that doesn't involve the quick service of hot and juicy hamburgers if they want to stay in management. The CSB sounded a little far from home. She has offered the Buddha's job in the past to Beans, Ol' Wigger, Friar Tuck, Mondo, the woman who approves our loans at the place we send people with bad credit, some guy who asked for three weeks of summer vacation after she agreed to hire him and before she canned the Buddha last year, and everyone who read her myspace page before she canceled it so people who read this blog wouldn't find it and think she's a real ho, sans nappy head.

The Buddha decided he wanted a new VTX 1300. He put together the numbers and gave them to the CSB to sign off on. She said she would talk about it with the Old Battleax, and left it at that. After time passed, and it seemed the matter was forgotten, the Buddha went to Star and asked him to intercede on his behalf with the CSB. So Star approached the CSB. For whatever reason, the CSB decided to call the Old Battleax and discuss the Buddha's purchase. She stood at the counter, where the customers come to pay for bikes and merchandise, and made the call while the Buddha was out smoking.

"Why should the Buddha get a deal? I don't want to give him a fucking deal." the CSB asked her mother, "He wants a fucking deal. I don't fucking owe that son of a bitch a fucking thing. Why should I give him a fucking deal. He doesn't deserve a fucking deal. He's a fucking backstabber. I don't want to fucking give him anything."

Everybody who works at the Lazy K and anyone who wanted to buy anything got to hear the CSB discuss the Buddha and his motorcycle purchase in these glowing terms until she saw the doors open in the service department and the Buddha begin the long saunter back to his office, the old desk with the heavy duty chair in the corner by the oft filled empty candy machine.

"I'm not giving that fucker anything. I'll call you back later," said the CSB and hung up the phone.

"Why can't that old bitch just leave me the fuck alone to do what I fucking want?" she asked rhetorically, then got back on the computer.