Yes We Have No Bananas

The kid wanted to trade in his KLR650. He bought it new six months ago, and financed the entire amount. His payoff was more than a KLR650 sells for new, and he'd spent a lot of time online, so he knew what blue book was. He wanted a Yamaha FZ6, and wasn't going to be ripped off again. The kid figured out how to play the game.

Big Opie VIII took his credit information, and then tried the one closing technique Big Opie VIII has mastered.

"Would you buy this bike today if I take $1000 off?" he asked.

The Kid would think about it. Meanwhile, what was the best price we would sell him the bike for and how much would we give him for his trade. He wanted us to pay it off.

Mondo went out to look at the trade.

The Kid had painted his KLR650 Dollar General flat black, and much of the plastic and metal had a strange texture.

"I put an aftermarket muffler on it, and the muffler came off and the bike caught on fire while I was riding it, so I painted it," said the Kid, "So I'm willing to take less than high blue book."

Mondo just shook his head and went inside.

According to his credit application, the Kid was a mechanic.

While Mondo ran his credit, the Kid and Big Opie VIII started to haggle.

How about if I pay off your trade, and give you $1500 off the FZ6?" Big Opie VIII spread his ass cheeks faster and wider than a Tijuana hooker.

It felt good.

One bank after another turned the Kid down, mainly because paying for the KLR650 after it caught fire didn't appear to be high on the Kid's list of priorities.

"I"ll give you $4000 for the FZ6," said the Kid. The FZ6 retails for $6899.

"$4,000 plus fees?" asked Big Opie VIII, hopefully.

"I'll consider it," said the Kid, "I saw an '08 on the internet for $6499, and want a better deal because it's a 2007."

"And what about your trade, what do you want for it?" asked Big Opie VIII, taking his time to very seriously write 'Custumer ofers $4000 + fees' on the worksheet.

"I won't take less than $5000 because it's only 6 months old."

"They sell for $5199 new," pointed out Big Opie VIII cleverly.

"It's got an aftermarket exhaust," replied the Kid.

"So can you just okay here your offer of $4000 plus fees and we pay off your bike?"

"What is the interest rate? I know a lot of dealers screw you on the rate."

This inane banter went on for way too long. Mondo felt like listening to them anymore would cause brain damage. And overhearing the company moron pull jumbo discounts out of his ass might give real customers bad ideas.

Mondo went out to the sales floor. He had lost interest in being nice.

"Look," said Mondo to the Kid, "This is not a third world bazaar and we're not haggling over the price of bananas. Your credit is so bad, you can't finance extra cheese on a pizza. Go waste someone else's time."

"How close to my price will you go?" asked the Kid.

"Not very," said Mondo.

"How much will you give me for my KLR in trade?"

"You set it on fire," Mondo turned and walked away, "We don't want it. Thanks for stopping by."
The Kid left in a hurry. He couldn't believe the surefire negotiating technique some of the car salesmen at work told him to use didn't work.

"Why did you blow him out of here?" asked Big Opie VIII, "We almost had a deal."

"Better check your meds," Mondo said, "They are causing you to disconnect from reality."

Mondo went back to the computer. The last lender had turned the Kid down. He was destined to spend the time left before the repo man came riding his blackened KLR from dealership to dealership, looking for a $4000 FZ6.

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