Where Parts Guys Come From

Gollum has a friend who lives at home. His friend has never had a job in his life, but he thinks motorcycles are cool and plays in a band. The Rocker is 32.

Gollum convinced the Douchebag that the Rocker would make a great salesperson. He also convinced the Rocker that it might be time to get some experience in the workplace. Gollum planned on helping the Rocker and helping himself to half the Rocker's commissions. Chicken Little figured he could help himself to the other half.

Even by Saint Manure standards, the Rocker wasn't very good at selling anything. He had trouble focusing on the big picture, which is selling and not sharing every detail about your band and every single ride you've ever taken in your life with the people who come in because they have an interest in buying a motorcycle. He also took frequent breaks when his mother brought him lunch or dinner, or merely wanted to come in and see that it wasn't a dream, the Rocker really had a job.

One morning, the Rocker was pushing out the used bikes when he dropped one and caused four to fall over. He broke a few brake levers and put big gashes in the plastic on a couple of the new KTMs. The Rocker righted the bikes and finished pushing them out, without disclosing what had happened.

Chicken Little noticed right away that there was something askew. He emailed the Douchebag, and they were hot on the case. The Douchebag went back through all his tapes and saw the Rocker knock the bikes over.

The next morning, the Douchebag was waiting for Mondo. He'd slept badly in his trailer behind the dealership, trying to figure out what to do about the Rocker.

"He's a nice guy but he can't sell motorcycles," said Mondo, "Not much good at pushing them out either."

When the Rocker came into the dealership, the Douchebag asked him to join them in Mondo's office.

The Rocker looked at Mondo. Mondo looked at the Rocker. The Douchebag looked like he needed a haircut and a bath.

"Mondo doesn't think you are doing very well in sales. Tell him why you're firing him," said the Douchebag.

Mondo started to pay attention. He hadn't mentioned firing the Rocker.

"You're just not selling very well," said Mondo, guessing that this was the reason the Douchebag had decided Mondo was going to use to fire the Rocker.

"And you let a bunch of bikes fall down yesterday," said the Douchebag, "and didn't tell Chicken Little. This is unacceptable."

"Am I fired?" asked the Rocker.

"We decided to move you to Parts," said the Douchebag, "Mondo doesn't want you in sales anymore."

"Okay," said the Rocker.

Dickie sent out a memo that anyone who knocks over a bike will be terminated.

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