Paco's Parts


The CSB spent the morning out in front of the Lazy K screaming at Paco. She doesn't scream at the inmates in the store anymore, because she doesn't want her tirades to end up in the blog, so she takes them outside and rages.

Then the CSB came inside and told the other salespeople that they might as well hear it too, anybody caught contributing to the blog is out of here. And if she has to, she will fire everyone in the entire store if anything current shows up in the blog. "I don't care if I have to pay unemployment forever," she said, "I have to live here, you can quit and go somewhere else, but I have to live here. I live here and have a good reputation to uphold. and this blog is hurting our reputation. Because I have to live here and you don't. You can go somewhere else and quit, but I have to live here. And you don't. But I have to. And uphold my reputation. I have to live here forever."

Tits Ahoy still has back pain from her car accident six years ago. She put half a dozen percocets on the counter, and went back to get a drink of water to take them with. When she returned, the CSB was in the process of dry swallowing something, and her pain pills were gone. Tits Ahoy is worried that the State could step in and take her daughter if they find out she is selling the CSB part of her prescription every week.

Recently, Paco got himself a Kawasaki ZX-14. He was really happy, even though the CSB charged him a lot more than he wanted to pay, and made him pay the new non-negotiable $250 doc fee and didn't give him very much for his trade. He ordered a lot of new parts for his bike, and was looking forward to putting all the parts on his bike and escaping from his pregnant wife and screaming kids for a day at the drag strip.

The CSB went to her computer and passed out. Drool seeped from the corners of her mouth. But at least she wasn't in the back room, asleep with her dogs and their toys, like it says in the blog. She is making an effort not to do the things the blog says she does. Except for having sex with Taco Dave. And letting her dogs shit all over the back of the store. And buying pills from her employees. And calling her mother a fucking bitch when she hangs up the phone.

Paco's parts came. And they were for a Suzuki Hayabusa. Nothing fit. What a surprise. So Paco got to argue with Baby Hitler about who made the mistake, and try to get the Lazy K to order the right parts and not make him pay the re-stocking fee.

Around 3 PM, the CSB woke up and started wandering through the Lazy K, wishing everyone a good morning.

And more good news, while the CSB was sleeping and drooling and dreaming of leaping poodles and giant vicodin bottles on puffy pink clouds and sex with the new radio rep, we sold Paco's Buelltaco for $2000 more than Paco got as a trade-in allowance, which is about double the norm at the Lazy K. So Paco got fucked on the deal even more than he thought.

Later in the evening, the CSB decided to start negotiating the non-negotiable doc fee with customers, it just seemed like a good thing to do that magical day when the afternoon felt like morning, the moon was in the seventh house, and Jupiter aligned with Mars, and it got as low as $50 for one ripe and pungent Pakistani who wanted a discount because there was dust on the exhaust pipe, and $100 for everyone else. But not Paco.

The CSB even waived the state taxes and title fee for one bright hilljack who decided he didn't want to pay a $15 title fee for an $8000 ATV. So he won't get a title for his quad. Dumbass.

Then the CSB wandered into the middle of one of Mondo's deals and let the customer have a Honda Recon for $861 below cost after he watched Bandit run through the weavepoles in front of the ATVs three times. Mondo made $5 for the two and a half hours he spent trying to sell the guy.

Mondo was not happy with the CSB. And he said so. 

"I don't need you to tell me how to do my fucking job," said the Crazy Screaming Bitch, "I've been doing this for fucking ever. Just be glad I stepped in and saved the fucking deal. If you don't fucking like the way I fucking do things, you can fucking quit whenever you fucking want, but I have to stay here. So don't tell me how to do my fucking job."

Then the CSB put the poodle on the front counter and asked it how to spend $5.

"That's $35 to a dog," said Ol' Wigger, "That's a lot of money."

Now Paco wants the Lazy K to give him $150 back, the part of the doc fee the CSB is willing to negotiate away to anyone who asks faster than she drops her pants for hot dick pics from Craigslist, even though the law clearly states that you have to charge everyone the same doc fee. The CSB said no.

Welcome to business as usual at the Lazy K.

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

Great pictures!!!

Julie said...

Yes, we need the illustrations that go with this crazy bitch. Does she ever talk about her loser life? I mean does she get that she is a pill-head hillbilly?

julie said...

OMG I just went to pattyackers.com. Hell she looks like a wreck. Also does she go up and down with the weight? B/c in some pictures she looks 10 years younger and thinner. On the homepage, she looks like a schoolmarm who has had too many donuts.

doug said...

I'm totally digging the dry erase board in the background of one of her pics: "Happy Selling!" Then the salespeople:
George
Kim
Zach
Kevin
Patty
Brooks.

Hmmmmm, now to figure out who is who???

Anonymous said...

are you fucking serious. a reputation to uphold? as what? the shittiest dealer / employer in the industry. please!

Anonymous said...

Hi this is Star will you please fire me!

Anonymous said...

Hi this is Baby Hitler fire me too!

Anonymous said...

I love this blog.

I almost shat myself when I went to the "portfolio" on her web site. What twisted freak told her she looks hot dead-on and up close?

Anonymous said...

check out the turkey wattles on the neck. That's not makeup on her face, that's spackle.

Anonymous said...

it would be too funny if baby hitler would help with this i doubt it seriously hes too uptight

Anonymous said...

I thought Baby Hitler had those great pics wasn't he the photographer......

Anonymous said...

Pictures are great. Story is way too long. I want to hear funny drama, not just Paco bitching about $150. LAME!

Anonymous said...

Now would be a good time to ask for a pay raise..."Pay raise for the photos skank"

Anonymous said...

Any chance this post on CL was from the CSB:

Are you that guy? - 34

Reply to: pers-331099023@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-05-15, 12:19AM EDT

I am NOT looking for that guy who posts a grocery list of traits he wants in a woman, yet also posts his pic and is the exact opposite of what he wants. I have been checking out "men seeking women" ads and cracking up. I am a very fun person and I enjoy life to the fullest. I am considered cute by some, not by others. I do have some extra pounds on me, but I am over worrying about it. I will send a pic if it is requested. I am looking for a guy who does not take himself too seriously, likes to have fun and likes dogs. If you are that guy, let me know.

Location: Grove City
PostingID: 331099023

Anonymous said...

claiming to be 34? Could be. But the post is too well thought out and coherent, with no misspelled words. So probably not.

Anonymous said...

I find it strange that the authors of this blog are both Gay yet ashamed of it. Weird huh? Also odd that the dealership is reitculed for using fair hiring practices. I guess you have to consider the source. One is a criminal, the other claims to be making something of herself by milking her meal ticket. A big butch with a huge butt. Learn to write a mission statement. Stop spreading hate against your own kind no less. Lucky for us this is a fictional story or someome might get hurt. And we wouldn't want that would we Shimmer?????

Anonymous said...

BTW pictures will get you silly blog shut down. Just a tip.

Anonymous said...

You really should chill on the blog for a bit. Till things blow over. Too many names and places not cool at all. You may get shut down. And I would hate to see it shut down forever. I look forward to reading it so much

Anonymous said...

Has the CSB passed the drug test?

Anonymous said...

CSB is a fat skank.

Remind me next when I stop in her store of horrors, to walk in her office and drop a steaming deuce on her desk.

Maybe it will wake her from the drooling pill induced coma/stupor that she is in 3/4 of the time.

Cheers!

Anonymous said...

If she is a skank why are you so obsessed with her? Take the hint she doesn't want anyone other than Freddy and thats the way it is. Move on get a job maybe even some credit and you too will be able to live the great American dream.

Anonymous said...

Obsessed?

Good lord man, it's a blog about a shady (at the least) dealership run by a pill popping/stealing, Myspace cock oogling, nasty dog loving, fecal pile of a woman named CSB.

What is not funny about that?

:)

Wicked Bitch of the West Side Blog said...

Anonymous said...
"If she is a skank why are you so obsessed with her? Take the hint she doesn't want anyone other than Freddy and thats the way it is. Move on get a job maybe even some credit and you too will be able to live the great American dream."

Can't figure out where this one comes from. Tell you what, send us an email and we will invite you to write for the blog.