Weavepole Dave from Match.com

The CSB decided she needs someone in her life to pay all the bills so she can escape this hellhole. AOL only serves up losers, and Eharmony wants too much information, so she joined Match.com. She then asked the Rhino to help her wade through the cesspool and pick out the most qualified suspects. They settled on Dave. He looked a little homely in every photo of him, but has a house, claims to make a lot of money, and is attracted to the CSB. The odds of her blurting out the wrong name are greatly reduced with guys named Dave as well.

They decided to refer to him as Ugly Dave.

The CSB went out with ugly Dave, then went over to his house the next day to inventory his assets and the dogs shit all over the floor while their owner had unprotected sex with a butt ugly troll from the internet. Even though he is homely and his chances of hooking up with someone with anything going for her are slim to none, Ugly Dave decided the dogs shitting on his Pergo floors is too much. So he called it off.

This infuriated the CSB and between bouts of drug induced coma, tears and telling everyone within earshot that Ugly Dave thinks he has a big dick, but it isn't really that big, she said she doesn't ever want to see him again, and that if he can't handle the dogs, he is a fucking asshole who can go fuck himself and is going to end up old, bitter and alone.

After a couple of days of realizing that nobody with decent eyesight will have sex with him, Ugly Dave showed up at the Lazy K with a set of weave poles he made for the dogs out of diamond stock steel, aluminum and pvc pipe. He pretended to take an interest in dog agility, leaned down to pet Bandit and held the poodle without grimacing and helped the CSB move some motorcycles and ATVs out of the way to make a 30 foot strip of open space where the dogs could run through the poles across the dealership floor, barking madly.

This made all the employees go from pitying him to actual hatred of him. The dogs shit and pissed all over the mat the weavepoles sit on.

But the CSB is going out with him again.

No comments: