My First Day

My first day at the Lazy K...

I assumed I would have some training, but that didn't happen. I was told to go talk to people. And if I found someone that wants to buy a bike, just find one of the finance people and they'll show me what to do next. I never even got introduced to any of my co-workers on my first day.

A couple came in for a sport bike. I knew very little about the motorcycles but managed to bullshit my way through it. The only thing that came to mind was a friend of mine once had a motorcycle called a Kanotuna and he really liked it, so why not show them that bike.

"My friends got this bike and he really likes it. I think this is just what you want," I said.

I lead them to the bikes. There were two identical Katanas side by side. One said 600 and the other 750. They wanted to know what the difference was.

"Um..., the 750 is better if you are going to have a passenger," was what came to mind and sounded good.

One thing that was working in my favor was that they were from Cuba or something. I couldn't fully understand him and his wife didn't speak English. She reminded me of something Mondo had dragged back from one of his international road trips and wanted to marry. She smiled a lot and every once in a while said something that sounded like what the guys who work in the kitchen where I worked before coming to the Lazy K said to each other.

They weren't completely sure what I was saying either but they wanted to buy a motorcycle. "Give me best price for this motorcycle." Mr. Rahual said, "Is discount for cash?"

Nothing was marked, so I sounded lost again, but he didn't catch it... "Um, let me find out what we're selling those for today. Give me a second I'll be right back. "

Off I went to find someone to help me find the price.

I walked into an office where a snaggletooth skank with a mustache sitting behind a desk piled full of papers was scratching at a new tatoo with one monkey paw and mining for nasal nuggets with the other, and introduced myself. She looked up from her computer, said $6999, then went back to picking her nose.

"Get them to fill it out this credit app and make a copy of his driver's license then come back, " Snaggletooth said.

The customers bought the 750, but not for the $6999.00 we discussed. After meeting Mr. Freight and Senor Prep, and telling him to sign here for $49 a month, the total came to just a little over $11,000. But he did get a free DOT approved helmet. I didn't know then that the DOT will basically approve you shaving your head and painting the top of your skull a shiny color, and tying a wok from Costco to your head will also meet their standards.

He was surprisingly happy to have his chance at the American Dream.

When it came time for him to take delivery of his new bike, it was obvious he was new to this part of the American Dream.

You would think that when a customer starts to ask questions like "what's this lever do," and "why does the motor go faster when I twist this thing," and "how do the brakes work?" he or she has no idea how to ride a motorcycle and maybe ought to have it delivered.

Not here.

Everyone wanted to see what was going to happen next. After all, he came to a motorcycle shop, so he should know how to ride a motorcycle, right?

"You're all done, Mr. Rahual. Sign here and we're all done," said the tech.

Mr. Rahual got on the motorcycle and decided to to take it for a spin around the lot before venturing out into traffic.

Once he figured out all there is to know about riding a motorcycle from listening to a bored $7 an hour employee with a suspended license who has no motorcycle endorsement, Mr. Rahual decided to show me, his wife, the set-up guy, a couple mechanics and my new boss, the Homeless Guy, his riding skills.

Dragging his feet as he made a big circle in our parking lot, Mr.Rahual stalled the bike about three times before he finally figured out what the thing you twist with your right hand was for and tore off like an 8 second bullride, lit up the back tire, took out the front of a parked ATV and stopped the bike by flying off when it hit the chain link fence. If you are going fast enough, a Katana can go a long way lying on it's side if the pavement is smooth. I think trying to hold on was probably a bad idea on his part. So were the shorts.

Holy Fucking Shit!

We all ran over to see if he was still alive.

Mr. Rahaul's leg was split wide open with his knee hanging out. You could see the bone and it didn't look happy to be out of it's protective cover. There was blood everywhere.

I called 911 and told him just to relax and stay still, and elevate his leg, the one that was bleeding profusely. While we waited for EMT to show up, the service manager came over to assure him we could fix his bike good as new.

"Just sign here and we'll get started ordering the parts."

After the ambulance took Mr. Rahual to the local hospital, the Homeless Guy told the service manager to order the front bumper for the quad he hit and add it to his bill.

The Homeless Guy told me that in the future, customers who don't know how to ride need to push their bikes across the street to take delivery. Someone could have really gotten hurt! On the Lazy K's property!!! He told me that I could help push the bike across the street and show them how to start it once we got there.

Wow what a first day! The second day was just as insane, but that's another story.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

now you are just making shit up. this blog was much better and more interesting when you had some facts to back it up.

Anonymous said...

Did this happen like 6 years ago?I was at the east store and something similar happened about 6 years ago.But I'm sure this kind of shit happens all the time.

Sister Dick said...

Anonymous said...
"now you are just making shit up. this blog was much better and more interesting when you had some facts to back it up."

And you know this how?

There is more than one Lazy K. In the last month, we have gotten a lot of story ideas from people in the same sleepy capital of the same depressing state that involve the FSB and the Homeless Guy. We will be bringing the best ones to you.

Now feel free to go fuck yourself.

Anonymous said...

I'm starting to understand why my local BMVW dealer has a form I had to fill out before I could test-ride a bike.
Q: Do you have a motorcycle endorsement?
Q: Do you currently own a bike? Make, model, mileage.
Q: When was the last time you rode, as a driver, a bike?
Q: How many miles/yr do you ride?

Then there's the disclaimer.

I don't remember if there was a section "in case of emergency notify...."

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
now you are just making shit up. this blog was much better and more interesting when you had some facts to back it up.

CSB, stop making comments about things that happened years ago. You're too fucked up to even remember what went on yesterday.
Or are you trying to play it straight while Star's meal ticket is helping you with the phones? What happened to her nursing degree?

Anonymous said...

Let's keep this blog at one location. I think Sister Dick is running out of material... or lying. LAME!

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
"Let's keep this blog at one location. I think Sister Dick is running out of material... or lying. LAME!"

You are a moron for banging that slag even though you know what she is. I think someone should post the URL you are sending this crap from.

Anonymous said...

this was a good story but someone should tell the story of how the person eneded up in a wheelchair because of the great service at that sorry ass place.....

Anonymous said...

I heard the FSB had Jungle fever!!!!

Sister Dick said...

Anonymous said...
"this was a good story but someone should tell the story of how the person eneded up in a wheelchair because of the great service at that sorry ass place..... "

Are you referring to the Suzuki case? It's on the list. If you are talking about something else, please email us.

Anonymous said...

Someone sent me this as part of an email... "David Martin of Madison , Tennessee was injured very badly in a accident on January 20th and he is still in the hospital. He is always going to need help walking either with a power chair or with a walker. The doctors are not sure if he will ever walk again, but we are hoping and praying for the best. His pelvis was crushed and both hips broken."

Does he need money? I know someone who will buy his pain meds.

Anonymous said...

Now that is just in bad taste. Karma is a bitch.

Anonymous said...

story has no lies i was the one who delivered the bike to the gentleman what do you expect for 6.50 an hour the same amout of money i made sweeping floors two weeks prior to the incident

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
"Now that is just in bad taste."

But funny as hell

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
Now that is just in bad taste. Karma is a bitch

That "karma is a bitch" part indicates to me that this was posted by the CSB. It has been her new saying!

Sister Dick said...

Anonymous said...
"That "karma is a bitch" part indicates to me that this was posted by the CSB. It has been her new saying!"

She heard it somewhere. And can't spell very well.