How We Met

One day, as I was traveling with my herd on my family's property, we heard a low whale-like sound. We couldn't figure out where it was coming from. We jumped onto the ATVs and started to investigate. About 2 miles into the property, we came upon a large Rhino. She was about 3,000 pounds of the most beautiful tan hide I had ever seen! She was laying on her side with gigantic tears pouring from her large brown cow eyes. It took 5 minutes to walk around her to figure out what the problem was. Papa Moose just shook his head and said that he'd have to shoot her to put her out of her misery. She had a large branch through the side of her leg. I couldn't just let this exquisite creature die like that. Papa said that there is no way an animal of this size could survive even after surgery. Her short stumpy leg would never be able to hold up her big huge ass. I told him that I wanted to try. My herd and I attached a winch to the tree branch and proceeded to pry it out of her fleshy calf. We finally got her off the property to where a semi-truck waited to take her to the nearest trauma hospital. I wasn't able to help out on my family's farm since I wanted to take care of my gorgeous Rhino with the huge teats. I worked at the Lazy K for a short time to make ends meet while the Rhino was laid up eating everything in sight. During employment at the Lazy K, my main job was to grovel at the feet of the CSB. If the CSB wanted food, I went and got it. If the CSB wanted to laugh, I would make funny faces while she took pictures. If the CSB wanted pain patches and tampons, I trotted to it. The CSB found out that the Rhino was a walking pharmacy after her accident. CSB tried to convince me to steal some of the Rhino's pain pills. I agreed to bring her Oxycontin. I didn't want the Rhino taking those Oxy's because I had seen the damage they could do. Everything was going good until the prescription ran out. The CSB was extremely upset when I told her that there were no more pills to be stolen. The CSB told me to take Bayer aspirin, scratch off the writing on the pill, and switch them with the Percocets that the Rhino was taking. I told the CSB that I wasn't real comfortable with that because the Rhino needed them for the pain after her physical therapy. The CSB was irate with me and expressed how she didn't need my help any longer.


ex conn said...

such a sweet sory about rhino and mr moose

Anonymous said...

per the Better Business Bureau

-Ohio Attorney General's Office Consumer Protection Section at 614-466-8831 or 800-282-0515.

- Franklin County Common Pleas Court Civil Division Clerk of Courts at 614-462-3621 concerning case 06CVH-5-6442.