The Nark is Back

Famous Nobody, the drag racing legend and great mechanic nobody has ever heard of, was unable to find work anywhere else between the Lazy K and Cuba. So he returned triumphant, because Famous Nobody is a winner. And even though Star said, "I thought we weren't going to hire Famous Nobody back because he's such an asshole," the CSB hired Famous Nobody back while Star was out playing with his Wii and Baby Hitler, and Famous Nobody showed up for his first day of work when the CSB was on one of her long one day drifting into the next extended days off, the ones where she wakes up and realizes she is late for work, then that three days have passed since she got home from the Lazy K, she's out of percocets, her car is parked on the front lawn, it's mid-afternoon, the sushi she bought at Krogers on her way home from work and left out on the counter is more pungent than her vagina after Taco Dave, the Radio Rep who thinks he's a kangaroo, some guy from Myspace and two Craigslist casual encounters and the house is full of dogshit. So Star stuck Famous Nobody back in the parts department, because how much damage can a totally useless individual with a knack for turning everything he touches into shit really do in the parts department?

Famous Nobody likes Parts. He gets to look at videos of drag racing all day on the store computer and ignore people to the point where they storm out swearing that they will never set foot in this fucking place again. Ever. Famous Nobody laughs when this happens. He thinks it is funny. He likes being in control. That's not how it is at home, where Mom tells Famous Nobody what to do all the time. He's only been back a day and a half, and already Star has had to field three complaints from now ex-customers about Famous Nobody's bad attitude and general stupidity. In addition, Famous Nobody has dropped three helmets, just to see how they bounce.

Something to keep in mind when thinking about inviting Famous Nobody into the tunnel to share a joint;

Famous Nobody got busted for drugs and set up a few of his friends instead of facing the music. Now one of Famous Nobody's "friends" is doing three years because Famous Nobody couldn't keep his fucking mouth shut. Imagine how you'd look being led from your workplace in handcuffs while the dumbshit who set you up is riding a Honda CRF50 into a wall and complaining that his balls hurt.

Famous Nobody is a nark.

Word.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

The CSB has let a narc into her workplace? Those pills really have fried her brain if she's not smart enough to realize what will happen to her the next time he gets busted and needs to find a few more people to turn in. Here's hoping he gets busted soon...

Julie said...

I swear to god, you have got to write a book, a la "Running With Scissors". It is so unbelievable that people will eat it up!

Your mom

DeadSnitch said...

The only good snitch is a ?

Anonymous said...

is the east size lazy K hosed up like the west??..a buddy of mine bought a victory off them..had nothing but trouble with service dept and has had a rear tire ordered for 3 months now..after paying up front since it was a super duper special order item..back in the day the lazy K started out in a 1 1/2 car garage type old building just on the outskirts of lancaster..sounds like they went downhill from there

Anonymous said...

Kanga? I thought he moved...