Baby Hitler learns to fly

Customers often try to fix their bikes themselves then bring it to us to unfix and make like it was before they started fucking with it. One of the ways we figure out how they've fucked up their bikes is the test ride by the technician. Given the fact that most technicians are would be racers who can't afford a motorized skateboard, Baby Hitler, as manager of the service department and only person at the Lazy K with a mortgage to pay, test rides all the fun bikes.

A muttonhead brought in his Hayabusa complaining that the front brakes were making noises. Baby Hitler got on the bike and took off down the street. We heard him go through the first two gears, then silence. About fifteen minutes later, an ambulance went by the Lazy K, and then a police officer came in and told us that Baby Hitler had been in an accident on a customer's hayabusa.

The CSB called back to service to send up all the paperwork, to make sure the customer had signed the paper that said the Lazy K is not responsible for damages even if our technicians set the bike on fire while lighting a crack pipe after taking the gas cap off and laying the bike on it's side in the service department.

Satisfied that all paperwork absolving the lazy K of any responsibility whatsoever was in order, the CSB instructed Goofy the new service writer not to tell the customer what had happened, but to refer the call to her. Then she sent someone out to scrape the bike off the pavement and put it in the company pickup.

While picking up the bike, Goofy asked Baby Hitler what had happened. Baby Hitler swore the front brakes just locked up for no reason.

Once we had the bike back in our service department, Goofy called Suzuki to see if this was a common problem with Hayabusas. The first question the factory technician asked is whether the brake and clutch levers had been replaced with carbon fiber. They had. Apparently muttonheads, not knowing any better, and believing that the 2 ounce weight savings they obtain from switching to cheap carbon fiber levers they buy on ebay will make them somehow better able to control the most powerful motorcycle sold in the world, are having this happen to them quite often.

The customer called to see if he could come pick up his bike, and the CSB told him what happened. About the time he expected her to tell him that we would be giving him a new bike or something, she asked him about his insurance coverage and told him his bike was totalled and it was his fault and it could have been a lot worse. You could hear him screaming on the phone from across the showroom floor. Of course he didn't have full coverage, the muttonheads never do. And he expected us to fix his bike, not total it and then send him the bill.

The CSB explained that we weren't going to do anything for him for free, but would fix the bike if he wanted us to, and would give him the bike back if he wanted to take it somewhere else once we completed our investigation of the accident. He hung up.

Every hour or so we got new faxes and phone calls from the muttonhead as he found something new on the internet that seemed to support his position that the Lazy K owed him a new bike, even though he had modified it and caused the accident. He repeatedly said he was going to get a lawyer and take his bike somewhere else. Never once did he inquire as to the health and well being of Baby Hitler. The CSB suggested he get a lawyer, as Baby Hitler may be out of work for a while and the muttonhead would probably have to pay his medical bills.

A Police officer came by and left a ticket for Baby Hitler, charging him with unsafe operation of a motor vehicle, and operating an unsafe motor vehicle.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thanks the biggest load of crap I ever read. Of course I am not a fan of the faux carbon fiber levers, but many people run them with no problems.

Their excuse is bullshit.