Hell Is Freezing Over

Tuesday afternoon we were blessed with 6 inches of snow. When there is a winter warning the grocery stores run out of bread and bottled water, because of the people that think they will be snowed in for days. Similarly, the Lazy K runs out of snow plows and even sells quite a few 4x4 ATVs.

Star was in charge because the CSB took the day off.

The snow turned to freezing rain. Soon the rush of customers was over and the employees questioned staying open. After an inch of ice covered the city, the Lazy K amazingly closed an hour early.

As the employees chiseled away at their vehicles , the question remained, "Are we going to be open tomorrow?"

Star said "I don't see why we would be closed tomorrow, most of us have all-wheel-drive cars and we had a busy day today." Isn't he turning out to be a great manager.

The county, in which the Lazy K is located, went to a level 2 weather emergency. And, the surrounding counties went to a level 3. All the schools and colleges closed. City employees didn't have to report unless needed. Most malls and restaurants shut down as well.

Being in a level 2 emergency, should the Lazy K be closed? Heavens NO! Open for greed! Opps, I mean open for business.

Boat Show

The Lazy K went to the annual (not to be confused with anal) Boat Show!

The owner, Old Crusty, makes it mandatory for all salespeople to work all weekend at the Boat Show. And, why not, salespeople are commission only so, they're FREE!!

It is, however, a great learning experience for the sales staff. They watch and learn from the CSB and the FSB.

The CSB was nicely dressed in black, she looked almost normal. On the other hand the FSB was wearing fish nets with black Capri pants and a button down Kawasaki shirt. She had a fish neckless that was green and brown with crystal eyes. She said that was the only crystals her dad, Old Crusty, allowed her to bring to the show. It was suppose to help her "fish" for prospects. She had an 80's style pony tail. Half of her hair was down and the other half was in a pony tail to the side.

Soon, a customer came up to Paco and said that he talked with the CSB the day before and that he was ready to buy today. The CSB put on her fake smile and talked with her customer about the purchase. The customer asked if he could have a few moments of sitting on the Jet Ski before he signed the paperwork. The CSB granted his request.

Beans was chatting with some other customers about the Side by Sides. The CSB over heard the conversation and barged in, "We have a 2005 left over that I'm willing to sell at dealer cost, come see us at our store." There went any money Beans could have made!

Little did she know, while she was "helping" Beans with a sale, her sister the FSB took over the "I need a few moments" customer. When she glanced over and saw the FSB sitting at the desk with her customer she stopped mid sentence.

After Beans' customers went away, the CSB walked right up in the middle of the FSB and the customer. The customer looked up from the desk at the CSB and said "Oh, your sister said that you two were like the same person so it wouldn't matter who I signed with." The CSB smiled back and said "Yes, we love working together." As soon as the customer looked away she gave the FSB a pinch on her tricep flab. I'm guessing she is used to the abuse because she didn't flinch.

And, this is how sales have been done since they were teenagers.

New Rules

Not only are they not giving Beans, Star and Rhino any more vacation time, they are also taking away 1 week from all the employees that had been already receiving 3 weeks.

Today the employees of the Lazy K received a notice that reiterated the new "we are taking away your vacations" policy. This notice is what they are calling the employee hand book.

The Heading says: Welcome to Lazy K I hope you will find our relationship rewarding.

Then it has 32 rules and regulations, I won't bore with all of them but, I will give you a few good ones:

16. There shall be no parts removed from new or used vehicles in stock without President's approval.

23. There is to be no use of drugs or alcoholic beverages during working hours or at lunch or before work.

25. Raises will be awarded on a merit basis only, at the descretion of the supervisors and with approval of the President.

30. Full time employees after one year are eligible for one week vacation equalled to 40 hours. Full time employees after three years are eligible for two weeks vacation equalled to 80 hours. Vacations must be taken during off season with approval of management. Three to Four weeks notice is required. Off season for vacations to be taken are for Sept-Jan.

31. Anytime you are absent from your desk you are to notify the office and put someone in charge until you return.

My favorite is # 23. I wonder to who it applies. And I spy a mispelling in # 25.

Smelly Ivan and the Rod of Glass

Sounds like a Harry Potter story, doesn't it?

The women of the Lazy K were milling around the counter, finishing off a couple dozen donuts that one of the radio reps had brought in. He doesn't get as much of our business as the guy who brings in dog treats and tells the CSB how hot she is, But he's an allright guy and he does get us free tickets to stuff, which Mondo sells on craigslist, then splits the take with the CSB. The Buddha had his own pile of donuts at his desk and another hidden in one of the drawers, next to the remains and wrappers of christmas candy different customers had left for the CSB.

Smelly Ivan came up to the counter and said he has something to show them. He reached into his tankbag and pulled out a glass dildo, which appeared to need a good washing. Smelly Ivan told the women of the Lazy K that he always has this dildo with him, just in case he meets a woman who wants to have wild sex. He set it on the counter and rolled it back and forth. He then decided to regale the women of the Lazy K with stories of the adventures he and the dildo had shared. Though it pained her to do so, TitsAhoy offered him a donut, in the hope that he knew the rule about not talking with food in your mouth. Smelly Ivan declined the offer, and went on to describe the things he could do to TitsAhoy with the dildo, He claimed to have several more at home.

Just when it looked like there would be no respite from the deluge of dildo stories, One of God's motorcycle riding minions came to the counter, commented on the donuts, showed the Rhino and TitsAhoy his new "What Would Jesus Ride" patch, next to the one that says "Aim for the Turban," and asked why his bike leaks oil from the valve covers ever since the Lazy K did the first service. The CSB looked up from myspace, and told the Rhino to call back to the Service department to find out what the hell is going on with Mr. Holier than thou's VTX 1800.

Smelly Ivan and his dildo went back to making bikes leak oil.

About half an hour later, the Rhino told TitsAhoy that the glass dildo felt like someone throwing a hotdog down a hallway.