A Few Dollars Short

The CSB is late.

The Old Battleax has been calling all morning long, asking where she is. The deposit bag came up $260 short, and someone has to pay. Star is off, so the Rhino has been fielding her calls. The Rhino doesn't know if it is her place to tell the Old Battleax that Tits Ahoy told her that last night the CSB made Star give her the keys to the deposit bag, which she is not allowed to have, by order of the Old Battleax, and she, the keys and the deposit bag spent some private time locked in the bathroom together. So the Rhino has had to tell the Old Battleax who has access to the cash, and who was here yesterday. Over and over again. The Rhino wasn't. So her job is safe. The Old Battleax thinks Tits Ahoy is a thief. She wants to call the police.

Because Star is gone and the CSB is late, nobody can approve deals, so we haven't been able to sell anything all day.

Around 2 in the afternoon, the CSB came weaving across the parking lot in her SUV and parked it right in front of the double doors, almost taking out a guy who was leaving in haste because Baby Hitler had once again fucked up his parts order. She got out and dragged her dogs into the store, then gave the weird guy the keys and told him to park her car then go put some gas in it. The CSB didn't have any makeup on, and her eyes were little beads of polished flint in her pasty white face. She had on the same pair of fat pants she has worn every day since she gained fifteen pounds, and that sour smell you associate with sweaty drug addicts. The CSB was frighten small children scary, and unable to express herself in a manner which made sense to anyone. Even the dogs were confused when she started swearing at Bandit and yanking back hard on her leash for not going into the store fast enough to suit the CSB.

The Rhino told the CSB that the Old Battleax has been calling all morning about the missing money, and wants to fire Tits Ahoy.

"You better not have told that old cunt anything," said the CSB, "It's not your place to talk to her about anything. I hate that fucking bitch. I wish she'd mind her own fucking business. Why won't she die and leave me alone?"

Something snapped in the Rhino that afternoon, and she came to the conclusion that her job description didn't include lying to the CSB's mother in order to protect her sticky fingered little bitch of a boss, or listening to the CSB tell her that if anyone told the Old Battleax that Star had given her the keys to the deposit bag they would be fired, or listening to her complain that she only took $120, and some fucker is stealing from her, and if it's Star, she will have the little fucker neutered, especially if he stole more than she did. He is paid very well for what he does, so he better not be stealing. He should be grateful to have his job, because he fucked up the entire parts department when he was the manager, and money was missing back there all the time too. So the Rhino stood up, told the CSB that she needed the rest of the afternoon off, and lumbered gracefully toward the front door.

The CSB shouted across the showroom to Tits Ahoy, who was standing right beside her, "Make sure the Rhino clocks out, then call the police and let them know she is driving without a license."

The CSB told everyone to mind their own fucking business and keep busy and took Tits Ahoy into the backroom where they spent an hour together putting the CSB's makeup on.

The CSB and Tits Ahoy sat down together at the computer. Tits Ahoy read the latest post and comments in the blog to the CSB, then the CSB dictated rambling replies, trying hard to make it sound like she is witty and bright and not all fucked up. Unfortunately, Tits Ahoy can't spell as well as the Rhino, and lacks the Rhino's ability to convert CSBSpeak to coherency, so the CSB is not as clever online as she used to be. They went searching for images of shaved vaginas and the word Tussy on the computer Suzuki bought us to process warranty claims, found pictures of Tussy and emailed them to all the radio reps and people the CSB thinks want to fuck her, spent an hour surfing http://agrabbagofthingstostickupyourass.com, then the CSB passed out at the computer and began to drool.

That's when the real stealing began.

If you've got cash and the CSB is passed out and Star is off playing with his Wii, it's cash and carry back in the parts department. You can "buy" a top of the line Arai helmet that retails for $600 and cost $150 and twenty vicodin when the CSB ran the show, for $50. Need tires and clutches for your Hayabusa? Cash is king and everything's 90% off when Twerpy's mamma needs new shoes.

15 comments:

Bada Bing! said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bada Bing! said...

Another thing that we should point out is Tits Ahoy quit the Lazy k once before because she forgot to clock in one day and they refused to pay her..Her good friend the CSB never stood up to help her but instead informed her mother that she was a problem and thought she was stealing and I'm glad she quit.Now she's back with her good friend!Sure beats the bowling alley!

Anonymous said...

SOUNDS LIKE NOTHING EVER CHANGES AT THE LAZY K WHEN I WAS AND INMATE THE FEARLESS LEADER WAS BROUGHT THERE TO KEEP TRACK OF THE MONEY SO THE CSB COULDNT STEAL IT !!!

Madbloggah said...

Things sure are slowing down.

Anonymous said...

Hey is the madbloggah Freddy Fife or whatever the faggot ass cops name is?

Anonymous said...

He very well could be poor freddy his girl is a drug addict, a theif i wonder what the state high way patrol would think about that??? on of ther torrpers dating some one who illeagley buys drugs??? and steals from her family

Julie said...

This CSB really sounds like a peach. Good lord, you'd think that her parents would just sell the place and be rid of her. What a meth head. Does the FSB simply not work or does she have a job someplace else? Poor CSB. Washed-up!

Anonymous said...

Was I the only one who thought the CSB was pregnant when I read "The CSB is late"? Images of a Jerry Springer style mass paternity test showdown involving all 30 diseased internet man-whores she had fucked in the past month immediately sprang to mind. Keep up the good work bloggers, I'm showing this blog to all of my friends :)

Anonymous said...

No unfourentally the CSB id WAY too old to be knocked up she's like 50 or more im sure she has been thru the change of life already but who knows fell sorry for the kid if she ever had one.

P.S. The FSB's kids are werid too they belivie in the power of the glass crystals imagen what the CSB's Kids would be like? born addictd to drugs????

doug said...

Julie, I thought the same thing. Why wouldn't CSB's parents fire her sorry ass and get someone to run the store like a real business?
They don't deserve to have a business of their own either.
Worthless fucks.

Anonymous said...

It takes a very strong parent to admit that their child is a failure; it most definitely put a stigma upon the parenting skills. It’s much easier to ignore problems and accept bullshit answers to questions when they finally have the balls to ask any. The parents would never put their baby out on the street to find a real job. Deep down they know they fucked up and as long as it doesn’t cost too much… it’s easier than having her live at home.

Anonymous said...

What happens when the parents kick the farm? Major drug party?

Anonymous said...

Rino doesn't work there anymore. This blog is lying...

Anonymous said...

Blog Header states:

"timelines have been shortened for dramatic effect. But other than that, It's all true."

You are correct. The Rhino just recently quit due to the drug addicted bitch of a boss. Her last day of employment with the Lazy K was mid-May. She was a LOYAL employee for six years and has plenty of stories to tell. Can't wait to hear from her!

Anonymous said...

Yea I hear Beans and Mondo are gone too! Guess they couldn't take the heat