When he's not slurping salty nacho sauce out of her shaved beef taco and sending the CSB emails about big dogs or looking at the nasty stuff the Rhino emails him from littlemidgets.com, Super Trooper Freddy Fife of the State Highway Patrol gets to listen to the CSB complain about this blog. He loves hearing about the blog. It is much better than thinking about his little woman high on life with Taco Dave or ignoring the obvious symptoms of prescription pain medication addiction that have become a part of his daily life since hooking up with the CSB.
According to Freddy Fife of the State Highway Patrol, he has found a way to put an end to the blog and go back to the simple days of wondering where all the pain medications he got when he hurt his back at work disappeared to and worrying about whether or not the CSB is off passing out in Taco Dave's bed or sneaking out for a four hour lunch with some craigslist loser who sent her dick pics at work.
Freddy Fife's very clever theory is that because we used the words State Highway Patrol in an earlier post, the State Highway Patrol will launch a full investigation of this blog. According to Crime Fighter Fife, anytime there is a story that mentions the State Highway Patrol, anywhere, a top secret special division of the State Highway Patrol investigates. Once this extremely top secret division of the State Highway Patrol clears Fife of wrongdoing for whatever he thinks the blog says he's guilty of, they will set their sights on the authors of the blog, for putting the State Highway Patrol in a bad light, according to yet another brilliant theory which it sounds like Secret Agent Fife of the State Highway Patrol came up with over half a bottle of Tequila and the last of his Oxycontin.
So be forwarned, readers, and refrain from making comments which use the phrase State Highway Patrol, or you too may soon find yourself in a cell alongside the guy who tore those tags off that mattress.
Isn't there a speedtrap that needs to be manned somewhere?
15 comments:
..or a kitten that needs rescued from a tree?
I work for an LE agency and read your blog while on the job.
There would be a higher probability of the Space Shuttle landing in my driveway, winning the lotto, or actually getting paid for OT since they city budget/funds are always short.
Hey Farva/Fife, you still work the the State Highway Patrol?
Dolt.
Entirely too funny... does he not know that by NOT naming names and NOT even naming the state, you're doing no harm to anyone?
Oh, wait... he's doing the CSB. Obviously, he's a bit short in the brains department.
Or the author of this blog having a life...
I see officer fife wishes to remain "anonymous". Keep on keeping on. State highway patrol, state highway patrol. Ha-ha ha.
State Highway Patrol said: Be good boys and girls and DO NOT USE the phrase "State Highway Patrol".
Somehow I don't think the CSB would like the head trooper holding a press conference where he brags about closing down a blog critical of her < insert real shop name here > shop. Besides, the (see 4/25/07 story) DA is already investigating her shop for fair disclosure violations. Why pour gasoline on the fire?
I will never eat nacho cheese sauce again!
I went into the place, and there really are barking dogs and dog shit on the floor. Somebody should call the health department on these guys too.
"Slurping" nacho sauce? That's just wrong Sister Dick!
Shaved Beef Taco? It looks more like a prune with an oozing open wound in the middle of it.
Ohh damn! That's nasty Been There!
while i do appreciate the genius of the taco imagery, i did throw up a little when i read it. grossness.
What the CSB doesn't know is that I know her, and the Super Pooper Mr. Fife, and HE gave HER the itching sensation when she pees. Nothing a little penicillin won't clear up......
State Highway Patrol, State Highway Patrol, State highway patrol. Oh Fuck I guess I am going to be investigated also...
Wish em luck
Jimmy Hoffa
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