Bandit is Dying, You Fucking Assholes

Bandit has been throwing up and having large smelly shits in the showroom for the last few days. So the CSB has been keeping her locked in the back office where she likes to pass out. The CSB has decided that one or both of the Wigger brothers are responsible for Bandit's illness, and her favorite theory is that they are feeding Bandit pickles and deliberately trying to kill the little monster. The CSB has been screaming at them to stay the fuck away from her dog. She had Twerpy the parts monkey and the weird new guy who has to register with the police when he moves put up kiddie doors to keep the dogs away from the sales staff. She instructed Tits Ahoy and the Manatee to watch everyone and tell her if anyone feeds her dogs.

Maybe Bandit is having sugar withdrawals because we haven't fed her cookies and chocolate lately.

The CSB took Bandit to the Vet, and told everyone she was there until 5:30 with the barking dog from hell, even though the discharge papers said she left around 10:00. She also told us that the Vet tested Bandit and Bandit tested positive for Cocoa in her system.

Why would someone lie about how long they were at the Vet's with their dog? Does anyone really believe your value as a person is measured by how long you stay at the doctor's office with a sick pet, or is it yet another ploy for sympathy, a desperate plea for attention, or an excuse for behaving the following day like a complete and total fucking cunt?

When Bandit barks like a dog possessed, because Mondo has been shoving No-Doz down her throat just to see what the equivalent of 16 cups of coffee will do to a small annoying dog that he wishes would die, the CSB screams at her to shut the fuck up. When the CSB left for one of her three hour lunches with the guy on craigslist who sent her dick pics, Tits Ahoy decided it was time to clean out the refrigerator. It hadn't been done in some time, and there were lots of old salads, which the CSB ordered and then got too fucked up to remember to eat, a few unfinished pizzas, assorted Taco Bell and a sausage biscuit from the BP gas station that was hard as a hockey puck.

A couple of the salespeople volunteered to help clean out the refrigerator. They went into the back room, opened the refrigerator, took all the old rotten food out, and threw it on the floor. Then one of them went and got Bandit, and turned her loose. It took almost an hour, but Bandit ate the sausage biscuit, all the left over Taco Bell, a lot of rotten salad and several pieces of pizza.

It's been easy for the customers to step over and around the piles of dog shit, because they forgot to take the foil wrapper off the sausage biscuit and Bandit ate it anyway, so it sort of sparkles when the light catches it just right.

5 comments:

doug said...

Can all this shit really happen there? Unbelieveable!

Anonymous said...

As wrong as the CSB is, it's not cool to make a dog sick. This blog is funny - but deliberately making a dog sick is not right.

Anonymous said...

WTF! I see the home page for the dealership doesn't have the cute little pictures of the CSB and the turd droppers. Damn, I wanted one more look at the bloated goat.

Anonymous said...

If she left the fucking dogs at home it wouldn't be an issue!

Anonymous said...

PLEASE tell me you're kidding about feeding the dog chocolate and trash. Feed it to the CSB, and leave the dogs alone, k?