Shhhh, Don't Tell the New Guy

We've changed the payplan for new salespeople yet again. Instead of hiring and paying competent salespeople, we are going to find idiots that will work for minimum wage and a bonus of between five and eight dollars every time they sell a bike. And they don't have to sell the bikes either. Master Closer Star will be putting the deals together and Paco will be taking care of the financial paperwork.

So far we've tricked one guy into taking the deal. He rides a Kawasaki Concours and apparently can't get a job at McDonalds.

Whatever you do, don't tell him about the commissions and spiffs the salespeople receive under the regular payplan.

Side Business

Mondo and Baby Hitler have an interesting little side business going on at the Lazy K. When Mondo sells a motorcycle, Baby Hitler charges parts to it that the customer didn't order, want or receive, then they sell the parts on Ebay. Now, everybody gets a free helmet, whether or not they get one, and a lot of Honda Shadow riders are buying power commanders and clutch sets for Hayabusas. Check out those prices on Ebay.

Writing Daffy Up

This is a repeat of an earlier post.

Today the CSB wrote up Daffy the service writer three times in five minutes. She won't fire him, because she doesn't want to pay unemployment, so he continues to make customer's lives hell. He can't go anywhere else and get a job. When customers ask Daffy about his job he tells them "I don't know anything about motorcycles, but I think they are cool and it is fun to work in a motorcycle shop." For some reason the CSB hoped Daffy would quit if he got written up three times in five minutes, but he proved too smart. So she went back a half hour later, after the drugs kicked in, and told him she hopes he is there forever.

She also wrote up Shaggy, the parts manager, because he went to the hospital with his wife while she had an emergency operation instead of coming to work. The CSB told him she wrote him up so he would stay focused on his job.

Yesterday Daffy mounted a customer's tires backwards twice, and scratched the hell out of the rim. But he doesn't care, and the CSB won't fire him.

You're Approved

Of the many applicants for the job recently vacated by the Buddha and the shifty guy, the only one who wasn't a figment of the CSB's imagination turned out to be Paco. So Paco got to be the Finance Manager.

Paco believes he knows all about being a Finance manager. He can submit applications and look at credit reports. Granted, watching him try to figure out what he's looking at is like watching a monkey trying to decipher a phone book. It's amusing if your livelyhood doesn't depend on the monkey calling someone.

So someone called the Lazy K from three counties away for one of the internet specials, and Mondo filled out a credit application. He took it to Paco, and that's when the fun began.

We aren't allowed to apply directly for credit anymore without a signed application, so all Paco could do was run a credit report and try to divine if what he read would allow the customer to qualify for a loan.

Paco decided it would.

Paco puffed out his little robin chest, "I can get this guy financed," he said confidently within earshot of the CSB.

So Mondo lured the potential victim into the store.

Three hours later, the victim and his entire family was at the Lazy K, and Paco had a signed application in front of him.

A half hour went by before Paco would admit to everyone that he had no chance in hell of getting the guy a loan, and then we had to listen to the guy rant about the three hours he took to get here, and that gas costs a lot.

"I can't help it if he has bad credit," said Paco, when the guy finally left.

"Tell that fucking idiot not to tell people they're approved until he gets a brain," the CSB said to Star.