Since she's been on the outs with Freddie Fife, and the Meal Ticket has Star under direct supervision, the CSB has been calling and emailing everyone who's fucked her recently, hoping to find someone willing to do it again and prove that she's wonderful, desirable, and young. That's a lot of email and phone calls. And a couple of responses.
Taco Dave showed up and took the CSB to lunch, leaving his faggy little dogs behind to fight with the Poodle and piss on the ATVS and floor.
We welcomed the three hours of what passes for sanity at the Lazy K, and managed to get some work done. The Buddha resolved the wide receiver controversy on his fantasy football league, and Star wrote up Famous Nobody, the drag racing snitch nobody has ever heard of, for doing burnouts and wheelies across the parking lot on a customer's GSXR 600 that was in for a tire change until the old tire wore down to nothing and exploded.
When they got back, the CSB looked even more pie eyed than usual, and smelled of wine coolers and sour druggie sweat, and after stumbling the dogs through Weavepole Dave's weavepoles in front of the store a couple of times, she told the new Counter Cow who answers the phones to hold her calls, while she and Taco Dave went into the pass out room to discuss dog agility.
Freddie Fife called, and the Counter Cow told him the CSB was busy with a client. Then the Old Battleax called, and the new Counter Cow told her the same thing. When the Old Battleax called back and told the Counter Cow to get the CSB now, the Counter Cow walked in on the CSB throwing up on Taco Dave's lap while she was trying to give him a drunken blowjob, because she is still hot, and that's what hot girls do on the internet. She'd had a salad for lunch.
The CSB spent the rest of the afternoon screaming at the new Counter Cow that she was not to ever go into the office if the door was locked, or she would be fired. She told her not to tell anybody what she saw or why Taco Dave left the Lazy K with her pink State U. sweatshirt tied around his waist or she would be fired. The Counter Cow should be grateful to have a fucking job.
Then the CSB passed out in the back room with her dogs and their toys and the smell of vomit because the cleaning person doesn't come in until tomorrow.
Some people just can't keep their fucking mouths shut.
Someone's Getting Fired Today
From the time she staggered in early this afternoon, the CSB has been wandering the store saying, "someone's getting fired today."
The CSB doesn't know who to accuse of leaking the information about Freddie Fife finally deciding to dump her crazy ass to the world, so she's blaming everyone.
First, the CSB and Star cornered the Buddha at the computer where he sits and plays fantasy football now that there is a new Finance Manager, Juan Capistrano. The first person to apply for the Buddha's job got it, but instead of firing the Buddha, he has been relegated to sitting at the computer evaluating tight ends.
The Buddha denied having anything to do with spreading the bad news, even when Star asked if he'd be willing to submit to a polygraph. So they went on down the list of suspects.
Paco is safe, because the CSB thinks he's as loyal as one of her dogs, and that's how she treats him. So Star and the CSB decided to interrogate Mondo in the back room. Mondo denied saying anything, and is the best salesman, so Star told him not to, if he was.
With her shoulder hunched up and newfound limp that changes legs, the CSB resembled a cartoon hunchback as she stumbled around the showroom with her little dogs in tow repeating the clever phrase, "Someone's getting fired today."
Customers found this oddly amusing. Several laughed when she tripped over Bandit. It was distracting to the employees as they went around trying to do their jobs, especially the way the CSB tried to stare us down while her eyes rolled around in her head, hoping the crazed look would make someone break down and confess so he or she could be fired today.
She wandered back to parts and said someone is getting fired today, then accused the guys in the parts department of spreading the word. They denied it, so the CSB wandered back to service and threatened to fire everyone there too.
For some reason, idiots think it's cute to let their kids call the Lazy K and ask for the best price on something. Mondo got one of those calls, and told the kid he could have a brand new $5499 Honda CRF150 for $1999, if he came in and made sure to ask for Friar Tuck. Sure enough, the idiot got in his jacked up pickup truck and drove his brat a hundred miles to the Lazy K, and asked for Friar Tuck then called him a fucking liar when Friar Tuck said he never spoke to Idiot Jr. and wasn't going to sell him a $5499 Honda for $1999. The idiot then said he knows the CSB and wants to speak to her.
The CSB listened to the idiot, told him someone's getting fired today, then drifted out of the conversation and got on the phone to tell the Old Battleax that all these motherfucking liars are denying they said anything as soon as the idiot asked for the Lazy K to pay for his gas.
The idiot stormed out, turned around, came back and slammed the door, drove around the parking lot once and stopped in front of the Lazy K, honked his horn for a couple of minutes while he flipped us off screaming that Friar Tuck is a lying motherfucker and a motherfucking liar then burned rubber leaving the parking lot. He was pulled over half a block away and ticketed for not wearing a seatbelt.
The CSB made the Buddha leave the company computer just as he was selecting a quarterback so she could send these emails to the Rhino:
"If you are bucking for an invitation to our wedding...Forget it. WE DO NOT LIKE YOU. Never write Freddie again. Also you need a drivers license to get there so boo-hoo you are our of luck. Get a green card and a life while you are at it! Freddie loves me I love him sorry you can't get a man so you had become a lesbian. GOOD LUCK.......hahahahahahahahahah"
and,
"wassssssss a matter you e-mail my man. But scared of me huh?Life is so great now that you are gone."
Next, the CSB called Baby Hitler at the other Lazy K and accused him of spreading rumours that Freddie had dumped her. She told Baby Hitler she would get his ass fired if he did it again.
The CSB looked up from the computer and said, "someone's getting fired today."
Then the CSB passed out in the back room surrounded by her dogs and their toys and the Buddha got to select his quarterback.
The CSB doesn't know who to accuse of leaking the information about Freddie Fife finally deciding to dump her crazy ass to the world, so she's blaming everyone.
First, the CSB and Star cornered the Buddha at the computer where he sits and plays fantasy football now that there is a new Finance Manager, Juan Capistrano. The first person to apply for the Buddha's job got it, but instead of firing the Buddha, he has been relegated to sitting at the computer evaluating tight ends.
The Buddha denied having anything to do with spreading the bad news, even when Star asked if he'd be willing to submit to a polygraph. So they went on down the list of suspects.
Paco is safe, because the CSB thinks he's as loyal as one of her dogs, and that's how she treats him. So Star and the CSB decided to interrogate Mondo in the back room. Mondo denied saying anything, and is the best salesman, so Star told him not to, if he was.
With her shoulder hunched up and newfound limp that changes legs, the CSB resembled a cartoon hunchback as she stumbled around the showroom with her little dogs in tow repeating the clever phrase, "Someone's getting fired today."
Customers found this oddly amusing. Several laughed when she tripped over Bandit. It was distracting to the employees as they went around trying to do their jobs, especially the way the CSB tried to stare us down while her eyes rolled around in her head, hoping the crazed look would make someone break down and confess so he or she could be fired today.
She wandered back to parts and said someone is getting fired today, then accused the guys in the parts department of spreading the word. They denied it, so the CSB wandered back to service and threatened to fire everyone there too.
For some reason, idiots think it's cute to let their kids call the Lazy K and ask for the best price on something. Mondo got one of those calls, and told the kid he could have a brand new $5499 Honda CRF150 for $1999, if he came in and made sure to ask for Friar Tuck. Sure enough, the idiot got in his jacked up pickup truck and drove his brat a hundred miles to the Lazy K, and asked for Friar Tuck then called him a fucking liar when Friar Tuck said he never spoke to Idiot Jr. and wasn't going to sell him a $5499 Honda for $1999. The idiot then said he knows the CSB and wants to speak to her.
The CSB listened to the idiot, told him someone's getting fired today, then drifted out of the conversation and got on the phone to tell the Old Battleax that all these motherfucking liars are denying they said anything as soon as the idiot asked for the Lazy K to pay for his gas.
The idiot stormed out, turned around, came back and slammed the door, drove around the parking lot once and stopped in front of the Lazy K, honked his horn for a couple of minutes while he flipped us off screaming that Friar Tuck is a lying motherfucker and a motherfucking liar then burned rubber leaving the parking lot. He was pulled over half a block away and ticketed for not wearing a seatbelt.
The CSB made the Buddha leave the company computer just as he was selecting a quarterback so she could send these emails to the Rhino:
"If you are bucking for an invitation to our wedding...Forget it. WE DO NOT LIKE YOU. Never write Freddie again. Also you need a drivers license to get there so boo-hoo you are our of luck. Get a green card and a life while you are at it! Freddie loves me I love him sorry you can't get a man so you had become a lesbian. GOOD LUCK.......hahahahahahahahahah"
and,
"wassssssss a matter you e-mail my man. But scared of me huh?Life is so great now that you are gone."
Next, the CSB called Baby Hitler at the other Lazy K and accused him of spreading rumours that Freddie had dumped her. She told Baby Hitler she would get his ass fired if he did it again.
The CSB looked up from the computer and said, "someone's getting fired today."
Then the CSB passed out in the back room surrounded by her dogs and their toys and the Buddha got to select his quarterback.
Idiot's Guide to Unemployment Benefits
Few people realize that if they quit an awful place to work and can prove it was an awful place to work, they are eligible to collect unemployment benefits. One enterprising former inmate at the Lazy K is presently collecting unemployment benefits after quiting and claiming she left because she no longer wanted to take part in illegal and unethical actions. In another brilliant executive decision, the Old Battleax responded to the claim by demanding proof of these illegal and unethical actions.
So the ex-inmate printed off the District Attorney's page from the Internet about suing the Lazy K for fraud, and brought that and a couple emails from the CSB ordering illegal happy pills from a Canadian pharmacy and two from craigslist with dick pics sent to the CSB at the company account to the hearing. According to those sissies who work for the state, breaking the law and committing fraud can not be part of your job description. Even at the Lazy K. And you don't have to look at dick pics on the company computer either.
If you are an inmate at the Lazy K, and have put up with their shit for 3 months or more, you are probably eligible for unemployment, even if you quit.
Other things to mention in filling out your claim, if your supervisor is the Homeless Guy or Fearless Leader, are the racist, anti-gay and sexist remarks you have constantly overheard. If you work back in service and have been called a fucking idiot be someone besides a customer, and you probably have on a pretty continuous basis since you started, because you are one, you are also eligible to collect.
Get them checks rollin' in.
So the ex-inmate printed off the District Attorney's page from the Internet about suing the Lazy K for fraud, and brought that and a couple emails from the CSB ordering illegal happy pills from a Canadian pharmacy and two from craigslist with dick pics sent to the CSB at the company account to the hearing. According to those sissies who work for the state, breaking the law and committing fraud can not be part of your job description. Even at the Lazy K. And you don't have to look at dick pics on the company computer either.
If you are an inmate at the Lazy K, and have put up with their shit for 3 months or more, you are probably eligible for unemployment, even if you quit.
Other things to mention in filling out your claim, if your supervisor is the Homeless Guy or Fearless Leader, are the racist, anti-gay and sexist remarks you have constantly overheard. If you work back in service and have been called a fucking idiot be someone besides a customer, and you probably have on a pretty continuous basis since you started, because you are one, you are also eligible to collect.
Get them checks rollin' in.
Bad Star, No Gixxer
All he had to do was make the payments.
Star convinced the Meal Ticket that his bad credit was the result of bad things happening to him and bad things other people had done. So to make him happy and live with her, the Meal Ticket let Star run up her credit to buy a Suzuki GSXR600, and a big screen TV, and max out everything else in her name, as long as he made the payments.
The way the program works is that if Star makes the payments on time, he gets to ride the GSXR for $99 a month. If he doesn't, the interest rate jumps to loan shark and the payment triples.
Because the Lazy K is experience record declining sales, lawsuits and a lack of potential employees willing to work for a psychotic pill popping despot and her little rent boy, Star's bonuses haven't quite equalled all the new debt his Meal Ticket took on. So he was late making the $99 payment.
Between the two of them, Star and the Meal Ticket couldn't get the lender to lower the payment back to something they could pay together if she hangs out at the Lazy K and answers the phones and makes sure Star isn't having sex with the CSB now that Freddie Fife is dumping her cazy ass and the Rhino isn't around to rebuild her myspace and type for her so she sounds intelligent and coherent while she trolls for new meat on the internet, so the Meal Ticket put her foot down and told Star the Gixxer has to go.
Of course, Star still owes about what he paid for it, so his only alternative was to get another motorcycle. And the only lender who will finance Star's Meal Ticket at this point is Honda. Fortunately, the Lazy K bought a whole truckload of old VTX1300s for $5900 each. So Star was able to get out of the Gixxer and onto an old man's motorcycle nobody wanted for two years in a row, and the payments are only about double what he promised to pay last time and didn't.
The Meal Ticket doesn't mind. There's space for her big ass on the back of the new bike.
Star convinced the Meal Ticket that his bad credit was the result of bad things happening to him and bad things other people had done. So to make him happy and live with her, the Meal Ticket let Star run up her credit to buy a Suzuki GSXR600, and a big screen TV, and max out everything else in her name, as long as he made the payments.
The way the program works is that if Star makes the payments on time, he gets to ride the GSXR for $99 a month. If he doesn't, the interest rate jumps to loan shark and the payment triples.
Because the Lazy K is experience record declining sales, lawsuits and a lack of potential employees willing to work for a psychotic pill popping despot and her little rent boy, Star's bonuses haven't quite equalled all the new debt his Meal Ticket took on. So he was late making the $99 payment.
Between the two of them, Star and the Meal Ticket couldn't get the lender to lower the payment back to something they could pay together if she hangs out at the Lazy K and answers the phones and makes sure Star isn't having sex with the CSB now that Freddie Fife is dumping her cazy ass and the Rhino isn't around to rebuild her myspace and type for her so she sounds intelligent and coherent while she trolls for new meat on the internet, so the Meal Ticket put her foot down and told Star the Gixxer has to go.
Of course, Star still owes about what he paid for it, so his only alternative was to get another motorcycle. And the only lender who will finance Star's Meal Ticket at this point is Honda. Fortunately, the Lazy K bought a whole truckload of old VTX1300s for $5900 each. So Star was able to get out of the Gixxer and onto an old man's motorcycle nobody wanted for two years in a row, and the payments are only about double what he promised to pay last time and didn't.
The Meal Ticket doesn't mind. There's space for her big ass on the back of the new bike.
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