We started carrying Kymco scooters. They had some left over ones from last year, and were offering them at a huge discount. Mondo ordered 10, and forgot to tell Chicken Little.
When Chicken Little got wind of this, he went into a tizzy and immediately informed Dickie. Dickie wasted no time in drafting a memo that stated all future orders have to be cleared by Chicken Little, or they would result in termination.
It took us eight days to sell all ten, and Kymco still had some left over. Mondo suggested to Chicken Little that we might want to order more.
"I don't feel comfortable ordering 2007 scooters this far into 2008," replied Chicken Little, "We might get stuck with them."
"We sold ten in eight days," replied Mondo.
"I am well aware of that, but I think that's a fluke. I want to hold off on ordering any new units until we see how the economy pans out. The 2009 models will be out in a few more months."
Then gas went to $4.50 a gallon, and Kymco told us they are out of scooters until 2009.
Flipper
Mondo hired a woman to sell bikes.
She liked motorcycles and had her endorsement. So Mondo figured she'd be easy to train in the art of parting enthusiasts from their money.
Her second day on the job, the woman showed up with both forearms bandaged from her elbow to the wrist. She told Mondo that she couldn't push heavy objects and is on a large and steady dose of vicodin. She seemed a little lost and bewildered.
Dickie says we have to build a case for letting go that doesn't involve the fact that she's stoned out of her mind and can't push a unicycle through the building.
This could be fun.
She liked motorcycles and had her endorsement. So Mondo figured she'd be easy to train in the art of parting enthusiasts from their money.
Her second day on the job, the woman showed up with both forearms bandaged from her elbow to the wrist. She told Mondo that she couldn't push heavy objects and is on a large and steady dose of vicodin. She seemed a little lost and bewildered.
Dickie says we have to build a case for letting go that doesn't involve the fact that she's stoned out of her mind and can't push a unicycle through the building.
This could be fun.
Can't You Smell that Smell
Cowtits® likes her pants tight. Or she's putting on weight.
Either way, she's got a cameltoe so thick and juicy you can see two feet up her vagina and out the back of her uterus. It's a fragrant one, and the combination of fermenting beaver and enough perfume to conceal a corpse from a cadaver dog is pungent enough to curdle nondairy creamer.
Cowtits® likes to sneak up behind Gollum when he's watching pre-op tranny videos or selling old cars on craigslist and offer him candy, while rocking her mound into the back of his chair and banging the back of his head with her big fake tits.
On the days she's not here, Cowtits® makes little treats for Gollum by putting canned fudge frosting on doublestuffed Oreos. She calls her homemade creation Fuckies, for Fudge Cookies. Cowtits® likes to draw Gollum's attention to the fact that the Oreos are doublestuffed. She says the word doublestuffed a lot, and fuckies too. Cowtits® tells the young guys in parts or sales that one of her daughter's boyfriends gave her homemade treat their catchy little nickname and that her daughter's boyfriends and their buddies used to come over to the house a lot for doublestuffed Fuckies, even after they broke up.
Unless she's watching him, Gollum gives his Fuckies to Giant Robot, who is usually stoned enough to eat sugar with a spoon.
Cowtits® enjoys reminding the rest of us that instead of hiring a janitor, we should take turns cleaning the bathrooms. Once a month, Cowtits® makes a big production out of announcing that she's going to clean the bathrooms, then goes in and dumps the trash.
We ran out of paper towels last week because Cowtits® wouldn't let Jethro buy them anywhere but Costco, and she forgot to leave the card at the dealership.
Either way, she's got a cameltoe so thick and juicy you can see two feet up her vagina and out the back of her uterus. It's a fragrant one, and the combination of fermenting beaver and enough perfume to conceal a corpse from a cadaver dog is pungent enough to curdle nondairy creamer.
Cowtits® likes to sneak up behind Gollum when he's watching pre-op tranny videos or selling old cars on craigslist and offer him candy, while rocking her mound into the back of his chair and banging the back of his head with her big fake tits.
On the days she's not here, Cowtits® makes little treats for Gollum by putting canned fudge frosting on doublestuffed Oreos. She calls her homemade creation Fuckies, for Fudge Cookies. Cowtits® likes to draw Gollum's attention to the fact that the Oreos are doublestuffed. She says the word doublestuffed a lot, and fuckies too. Cowtits® tells the young guys in parts or sales that one of her daughter's boyfriends gave her homemade treat their catchy little nickname and that her daughter's boyfriends and their buddies used to come over to the house a lot for doublestuffed Fuckies, even after they broke up.
Unless she's watching him, Gollum gives his Fuckies to Giant Robot, who is usually stoned enough to eat sugar with a spoon.
Cowtits® enjoys reminding the rest of us that instead of hiring a janitor, we should take turns cleaning the bathrooms. Once a month, Cowtits® makes a big production out of announcing that she's going to clean the bathrooms, then goes in and dumps the trash.
We ran out of paper towels last week because Cowtits® wouldn't let Jethro buy them anywhere but Costco, and she forgot to leave the card at the dealership.
The Proper Procedure For Ordering Supplies
We ran out of toner cartridges and couldn't print out documents or run credit applications.
Business came to a standstill until Mondo sent Jethro to Staples with the company credit card to buy a couple.
When Cowtits® returned, three days later, she stampeded through the dealership, mooing loudly that we bought our toner cartridges at Staples instead of ordering them online and waiting a week, because they are $9 cheaper online and you don't pay sales tax. She even berated employees who have nothing to do with ordering or using office supplies. Everybody got an earful of the big cow.
And an unfortunate look at her leatherbelly.
And nobody got any candy.
Dickie sent out a memo that anyone who buys office supplies without checking with Cowtits® first will be terminated.
Saving that $9 and sales tax is more important than being able to do business for a few days.
Business came to a standstill until Mondo sent Jethro to Staples with the company credit card to buy a couple.
When Cowtits® returned, three days later, she stampeded through the dealership, mooing loudly that we bought our toner cartridges at Staples instead of ordering them online and waiting a week, because they are $9 cheaper online and you don't pay sales tax. She even berated employees who have nothing to do with ordering or using office supplies. Everybody got an earful of the big cow.
And an unfortunate look at her leatherbelly.
And nobody got any candy.
Dickie sent out a memo that anyone who buys office supplies without checking with Cowtits® first will be terminated.
Saving that $9 and sales tax is more important than being able to do business for a few days.
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