One of our customers became so enraged at how well the Lazy K managed to destroy his motorcycle in the service department, that he went into the bathroom and spread his own shit on all the walls and the toilet, pretty much everywhere he could, so it looked like an installation from Clyfford Still's angry brown phase. And it smelled pretty bad too.
How angry do you have to be to willingly handle your own feces?
The CSB had Baby Hitler make a sign that said the restroom was out of order, and they left it that way for three months, until we hired a new janitor to clean it up.
Star is a Pole Smoker
Star has a close personal companion, Big Gay Byron, who he likes to spend a lot of time with in gay bars. But they are just friends who like to go out and try to pick up women together. The fact that they look for these women in gay bars might explain their lack of success and why they spend a lot of nights snuggling up together, commiserating their loses in a cozy little downtown flat.
When he is not trying to sell something or getting high in his car, Friar Tuck likes to stir the shit. So he has been back in Service and standing at the Parts counter, telling everyone that Star is a fag. This has upset Star greatly. He is very sensitive about his special friendship with Big Gay Byron, who introduced him to his Meal Ticket.
So Star went to the CSB, and got Friar Tuck written up for sexual harassment. The CSB sat Friar Tuck down and explained to him that it isn't nice to make fun of fags, and that the Lazy K doesn't discriminate against people because of their sexual orientation.
Star decided this wasn't the way he wanted the dressing down to go, and realized things were getting out of hand when the CSB said that a lot of her friends are gay and they are very sensitive, and Friar Tuck shouldn't tell everyone Star is gay, because a lot of people keep their private lives private.
By the time the CSB brought up personal water based lubricants, and the Rhino was doing an internet search for gay bars in the local metropolis and they were laughing and asking him if he'd been to various ones, Star decided writing up Friar Tuck was turning out to be a bad idea.
He asked the CSB if she could just tell Friar Tuck not to do it anymore, and not to make fun of his big gay friend and to stop telling everyone that they were gay lovers.
The CSB had the Rhino write up and distribute a memo to all the employees that they were not to make fun of Star's sexual orientation, whatever it may be.
When he is not trying to sell something or getting high in his car, Friar Tuck likes to stir the shit. So he has been back in Service and standing at the Parts counter, telling everyone that Star is a fag. This has upset Star greatly. He is very sensitive about his special friendship with Big Gay Byron, who introduced him to his Meal Ticket.
So Star went to the CSB, and got Friar Tuck written up for sexual harassment. The CSB sat Friar Tuck down and explained to him that it isn't nice to make fun of fags, and that the Lazy K doesn't discriminate against people because of their sexual orientation.
Star decided this wasn't the way he wanted the dressing down to go, and realized things were getting out of hand when the CSB said that a lot of her friends are gay and they are very sensitive, and Friar Tuck shouldn't tell everyone Star is gay, because a lot of people keep their private lives private.
By the time the CSB brought up personal water based lubricants, and the Rhino was doing an internet search for gay bars in the local metropolis and they were laughing and asking him if he'd been to various ones, Star decided writing up Friar Tuck was turning out to be a bad idea.
He asked the CSB if she could just tell Friar Tuck not to do it anymore, and not to make fun of his big gay friend and to stop telling everyone that they were gay lovers.
The CSB had the Rhino write up and distribute a memo to all the employees that they were not to make fun of Star's sexual orientation, whatever it may be.
Chasing Cars and Trucks
A guy came to the front counter, and asked to speak to the manager. The CSB looked up from cruising craigslist for more dick pics, and asked what was the problem.
"I just want to tell you that you lost a customer," he said, and walked out.
"Thank you for letting us know," said the CSB, and went back to answering personal ads.
Then for some reason, she sprang to her feet and ran out to his truck, and stood in the doorjam so he couldn't close his door, until he explained what the problem was. Apparently the service department had ruined his ATV and couldn't figure out how to make it like it was when it ran and he brought it in for it's first service.
The last time we can remember the CSB chasing a truck turned out to be a bad experience for her. She had found her "boyfriend", one of the salesmen who was about 20 years younger than her and a good friend of Star's, in a gay bar, with his arm around a fellow male expert in the art fellatio. The CSB started to rant at him/them about how wonderful she was until he ran from the place. Like any sane woman who finds her boyfriend/employee with his arm around another man in a gay bar, the CSB gave chase.
Star's very close friend got into his truck, then locked the doors and started to leave. After running around the truck banging on the windows and kicking the doors, the CSB decided the best way to deal with the situation was to jump in the back of a moving pickup. She missed and fell off, and showed up at work the next day with black eyes and bruises.
We never could figure out how you get two black eyes from falling out the back of a pickup truck. But to the CSB, this was the most plausible story she could come up with.
"I just want to tell you that you lost a customer," he said, and walked out.
"Thank you for letting us know," said the CSB, and went back to answering personal ads.
Then for some reason, she sprang to her feet and ran out to his truck, and stood in the doorjam so he couldn't close his door, until he explained what the problem was. Apparently the service department had ruined his ATV and couldn't figure out how to make it like it was when it ran and he brought it in for it's first service.
The last time we can remember the CSB chasing a truck turned out to be a bad experience for her. She had found her "boyfriend", one of the salesmen who was about 20 years younger than her and a good friend of Star's, in a gay bar, with his arm around a fellow male expert in the art fellatio. The CSB started to rant at him/them about how wonderful she was until he ran from the place. Like any sane woman who finds her boyfriend/employee with his arm around another man in a gay bar, the CSB gave chase.
Star's very close friend got into his truck, then locked the doors and started to leave. After running around the truck banging on the windows and kicking the doors, the CSB decided the best way to deal with the situation was to jump in the back of a moving pickup. She missed and fell off, and showed up at work the next day with black eyes and bruises.
We never could figure out how you get two black eyes from falling out the back of a pickup truck. But to the CSB, this was the most plausible story she could come up with.
The Homeless Guy
The Manatee watched a Homeless Guy wander into the $5 room and wheel a dirtbike out of the Lazy K. She thought a while, which she isn't very good at, then told Star what she had seen. Star explained to the Manatee that even though he looks like a bum with a bad white man afro who is trying to steal a motorcycle, the Homeless Guy is the hilljack who used to assemble motorcycles at one of the other Lazy Ks, then married the Fat Sneaky Bitch, the only one of Crustys spawn to actually attend special education classes. Marrying the FSB somehow qualified the guy who assembled motorcycles to run the brand new Lazy K.
Do brilliant business decisions like that on the part of Old Crusty and the Old Battleax somehow explain the steady six year decline in unit sales at the Lazy K? Business everywhere else seems to be booming.
Do brilliant business decisions like that on the part of Old Crusty and the Old Battleax somehow explain the steady six year decline in unit sales at the Lazy K? Business everywhere else seems to be booming.
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