Here's an interesting link someone sent us. Looks like it's been up for a while.
http://www.thisloser.com/find/?id=230
On the site, it asks what you think. Vote early and often.
Creepy Old Pervs on KLRs
What is it about the KLR650 that makes it the bike of choice for creepy old perverts? Today we had a weirdo in the Lazy K who kept looking at the new Kawasaki Concours, asking the usual mindnumbingly stupid questions people who look at Concourses ask. He didn't want it, he just wanted to know all about it so he could tell all the other boring old coots on the internet.
Mondo asked him what he rides now. The Old Creep rides a KLR 650 with 57,000 miles. He remembers putting each of them on the bike. He decided to bore Mondo to tears while trying to convince himself aloud that it is not a cheap pile of potmetal assembled in Thailand by child slave labor. Mondo's eyes glazed over and he wandered off to find a real buyer, hoping Old Creepy would find someone else to share his epic life story with.
The Old Creep walked up to Paco while Paco was trying to pitch a bike, asked the price of various bikes and what Paco thought about them, and wrote the names of the bikes and prices in little tiny letters and numbers on the back of a business card he'd helped himself to off someone's desk. He had also taken a Gold Wing and Hayabusa brochure, because he found them on someone's desk or in the trash so they were free and it's a tough choice between those two bikes and the other half million he knows all about. Then he pulled out the free map the state gives away at rest stops and asked Paco to show him the whereabouts of our two closest competitors. Paco told the old creep that he lives somewhere else, and to ask Mondo.
Mondo gave him directions to the nearest ghetto.
Then the Creepy Old Weirdo became a Creepy Old Perv and told Mondo about his trips to the former Warsaw Pact countries to pay for sex with young girls and find a cute young wife who would find a Creepy Old Perv with bad breath irresistable. He wasn't having much luck to date.
The CSB stumbled by with her gut hanging out of her shirt, saying "someone's getting fired today," and the creepy old perv started dry humping the air. He leaned against a wall and told Mondo he was losing his breath. Mondo figured he was having a stroke or otherwise dying, and tried to persuade him to leave the store before he did so we wouldn't have to move the body or close down while the paramedics work on him and wheel him out.
Then the old perv found Paco again and moved in close enough that Paco could count the hairs on his ears and smell the fetid sourness of old man who celebrates August by drinking curdled milk. The Old Pervert repeated himself, that he was losing his breath, said it again, then again, and told Paco it must be hard working in a place with hot women walking around all the time. Paco looked up and all he could see was the CSB and the Sea Cow behind the counter.
Then the old perv started following the CSB through the store. She turned and smiled at him, and asked if he was being waited on okay. The Creepy Old Perv said he was and decided to make small talk by asking about the yapping dogs that shit all over the floor. Before he could tell her how wonderful his KLR is, the CSB started rambling on about dog agility and how some fucking asshole called the Health Department on her god damn dogs.
The creepy old perv's eyes glazed over and he rode off to share this slice of his life with everyone on the internet.
Mondo asked him what he rides now. The Old Creep rides a KLR 650 with 57,000 miles. He remembers putting each of them on the bike. He decided to bore Mondo to tears while trying to convince himself aloud that it is not a cheap pile of potmetal assembled in Thailand by child slave labor. Mondo's eyes glazed over and he wandered off to find a real buyer, hoping Old Creepy would find someone else to share his epic life story with.
The Old Creep walked up to Paco while Paco was trying to pitch a bike, asked the price of various bikes and what Paco thought about them, and wrote the names of the bikes and prices in little tiny letters and numbers on the back of a business card he'd helped himself to off someone's desk. He had also taken a Gold Wing and Hayabusa brochure, because he found them on someone's desk or in the trash so they were free and it's a tough choice between those two bikes and the other half million he knows all about. Then he pulled out the free map the state gives away at rest stops and asked Paco to show him the whereabouts of our two closest competitors. Paco told the old creep that he lives somewhere else, and to ask Mondo.
Mondo gave him directions to the nearest ghetto.
Then the Creepy Old Weirdo became a Creepy Old Perv and told Mondo about his trips to the former Warsaw Pact countries to pay for sex with young girls and find a cute young wife who would find a Creepy Old Perv with bad breath irresistable. He wasn't having much luck to date.
The CSB stumbled by with her gut hanging out of her shirt, saying "someone's getting fired today," and the creepy old perv started dry humping the air. He leaned against a wall and told Mondo he was losing his breath. Mondo figured he was having a stroke or otherwise dying, and tried to persuade him to leave the store before he did so we wouldn't have to move the body or close down while the paramedics work on him and wheel him out.
Then the old perv found Paco again and moved in close enough that Paco could count the hairs on his ears and smell the fetid sourness of old man who celebrates August by drinking curdled milk. The Old Pervert repeated himself, that he was losing his breath, said it again, then again, and told Paco it must be hard working in a place with hot women walking around all the time. Paco looked up and all he could see was the CSB and the Sea Cow behind the counter.
Then the old perv started following the CSB through the store. She turned and smiled at him, and asked if he was being waited on okay. The Creepy Old Perv said he was and decided to make small talk by asking about the yapping dogs that shit all over the floor. Before he could tell her how wonderful his KLR is, the CSB started rambling on about dog agility and how some fucking asshole called the Health Department on her god damn dogs.
The creepy old perv's eyes glazed over and he rode off to share this slice of his life with everyone on the internet.
Screw Mom and Dad, I got $50
Monikwa has a new bike.
She is a big nasty bulldyke who once came thundering into the Lazy K to beat the hell out of Tits Ahoy for calling her "Sir," when she called to complain to the CSB about the Service department tearing the seat of her Vulcan and scratching the tank when she left it here for an oil change.
The Rhino dated Monikwa for a while, and that scared the Rhino.
Then Monikwa decided she wanted to go out to with the CSB. I'm not sure if it was the prison tats, the jericurl mullet, or the big black strap-on dildo Monikwa brought with her in the box she returned the wrong sissy bar we ordered for her and showed and told the CSB she wanted to fuck her with in bareback biker chaps, but the CSB took to hiding from Monikwa when she came in to complain every couple of days for three months last summer that her bike was still in our service department. The CSB even went back to service more than once and screamed at Famous Nobody to fix her fucking bike and get it the hell out of here.
It was a surprise to learn that Monikwa had traded her Vulcan in for a Road Star at the other Lazy K, because she thinks the FSB is strange.
The FSB decided that to get the $50 spiff Yamaha offers, she would give Monikwa $800 more than a rich lunatic would pay for the Vulcan if all the pitted chrome bolt on crap was gold and it didn't have a dented tank and holes in the seat where her vaginal emissions had eaten through the vinyl, and sell the Yamaha for $250 under cost, to cover the new and improved doc fee. The FSB even went so far as to show Monikwa in the NADA book that she was giving her $800 over book value. When all's said and done, the Lazy K lost more than a thousand dollars on the deal. But the FSB got $50.
She is a big nasty bulldyke who once came thundering into the Lazy K to beat the hell out of Tits Ahoy for calling her "Sir," when she called to complain to the CSB about the Service department tearing the seat of her Vulcan and scratching the tank when she left it here for an oil change.
The Rhino dated Monikwa for a while, and that scared the Rhino.
Then Monikwa decided she wanted to go out to with the CSB. I'm not sure if it was the prison tats, the jericurl mullet, or the big black strap-on dildo Monikwa brought with her in the box she returned the wrong sissy bar we ordered for her and showed and told the CSB she wanted to fuck her with in bareback biker chaps, but the CSB took to hiding from Monikwa when she came in to complain every couple of days for three months last summer that her bike was still in our service department. The CSB even went back to service more than once and screamed at Famous Nobody to fix her fucking bike and get it the hell out of here.
It was a surprise to learn that Monikwa had traded her Vulcan in for a Road Star at the other Lazy K, because she thinks the FSB is strange.
The FSB decided that to get the $50 spiff Yamaha offers, she would give Monikwa $800 more than a rich lunatic would pay for the Vulcan if all the pitted chrome bolt on crap was gold and it didn't have a dented tank and holes in the seat where her vaginal emissions had eaten through the vinyl, and sell the Yamaha for $250 under cost, to cover the new and improved doc fee. The FSB even went so far as to show Monikwa in the NADA book that she was giving her $800 over book value. When all's said and done, the Lazy K lost more than a thousand dollars on the deal. But the FSB got $50.
The Last Sumo
The Buddha has left the building. Reduced to playing on the internet after watching Juan Capistrano, the new F and I guy from Delaware, walk in, talk to the CSB for five minutes and take his job, the Buddha decided it was time to leave when the CSB raised his healthcare premiums fom $80 a month to $800 and then told him he would have to take a pay cut that would make him earn about $65 less than his healthcare premiums every month after taxes, because playing on the internet doesn't pay very well at the Lazy K. Nothing pays very well now that we are down more than 42% over last year and having serious problems with all our creditors and the District Attorney.
So the Buddha went to a job interview near his house, and thinks he has a job. What he doesn't know is that Juan Capistrano realizes the Lazy K is a crazy place, he's not going to make any money here, and has been interviewing all over town. It won't be long before Star or the Meal Ticket is calling the competent woman again and asking her how to fill out loan and title paperwork, then arranging for everyone to come back in and redo their loan papers when they get someone in the Buddha's chair who knows what the hell they are doing.
Does the Buddha know he is eligible for unemployment? All he has to do is mention the insane drug induced behaviour of the CSB and her frequent requests that he commit fraud when filling out sales contracts.
It worked for the Rhino.
So the Buddha went to a job interview near his house, and thinks he has a job. What he doesn't know is that Juan Capistrano realizes the Lazy K is a crazy place, he's not going to make any money here, and has been interviewing all over town. It won't be long before Star or the Meal Ticket is calling the competent woman again and asking her how to fill out loan and title paperwork, then arranging for everyone to come back in and redo their loan papers when they get someone in the Buddha's chair who knows what the hell they are doing.
Does the Buddha know he is eligible for unemployment? All he has to do is mention the insane drug induced behaviour of the CSB and her frequent requests that he commit fraud when filling out sales contracts.
It worked for the Rhino.
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