The Buddha has left the building. Reduced to playing on the internet after watching Juan Capistrano, the new F and I guy from Delaware, walk in, talk to the CSB for five minutes and take his job, the Buddha decided it was time to leave when the CSB raised his healthcare premiums fom $80 a month to $800 and then told him he would have to take a pay cut that would make him earn about $65 less than his healthcare premiums every month after taxes, because playing on the internet doesn't pay very well at the Lazy K. Nothing pays very well now that we are down more than 42% over last year and having serious problems with all our creditors and the District Attorney.
So the Buddha went to a job interview near his house, and thinks he has a job. What he doesn't know is that Juan Capistrano realizes the Lazy K is a crazy place, he's not going to make any money here, and has been interviewing all over town. It won't be long before Star or the Meal Ticket is calling the competent woman again and asking her how to fill out loan and title paperwork, then arranging for everyone to come back in and redo their loan papers when they get someone in the Buddha's chair who knows what the hell they are doing.
Does the Buddha know he is eligible for unemployment? All he has to do is mention the insane drug induced behaviour of the CSB and her frequent requests that he commit fraud when filling out sales contracts.
It worked for the Rhino.
Dude, Where the Fuck's my Bike?
This guy called service today to see if his bike is ready to be picked up. I would say "fixed," but that's stretching things. If it's still running after we've touched it, that's a good thing.
It is a 2006 Yamaha R6, and we can't find it.
Star and the service department spent the morning trying to figure out where it is, and then Famous Nobody the drag racing snitch sauntered in a couple days late. He thinks he remembers leaving the bike outside with the key in it Saturday night.
When she awoke from her self induced coma in the back office, the CSB said, "Tell the fucker to call his insurance company, because we're not responsible."
It is a 2006 Yamaha R6, and we can't find it.
Star and the service department spent the morning trying to figure out where it is, and then Famous Nobody the drag racing snitch sauntered in a couple days late. He thinks he remembers leaving the bike outside with the key in it Saturday night.
When she awoke from her self induced coma in the back office, the CSB said, "Tell the fucker to call his insurance company, because we're not responsible."
Choke
Since she's been on the outs with Freddie Fife, and the Meal Ticket has Star under direct supervision, the CSB has been calling and emailing everyone who's fucked her recently, hoping to find someone willing to do it again and prove that she's wonderful, desirable, and young. That's a lot of email and phone calls. And a couple of responses.
Taco Dave showed up and took the CSB to lunch, leaving his faggy little dogs behind to fight with the Poodle and piss on the ATVS and floor.
We welcomed the three hours of what passes for sanity at the Lazy K, and managed to get some work done. The Buddha resolved the wide receiver controversy on his fantasy football league, and Star wrote up Famous Nobody, the drag racing snitch nobody has ever heard of, for doing burnouts and wheelies across the parking lot on a customer's GSXR 600 that was in for a tire change until the old tire wore down to nothing and exploded.
When they got back, the CSB looked even more pie eyed than usual, and smelled of wine coolers and sour druggie sweat, and after stumbling the dogs through Weavepole Dave's weavepoles in front of the store a couple of times, she told the new Counter Cow who answers the phones to hold her calls, while she and Taco Dave went into the pass out room to discuss dog agility.
Freddie Fife called, and the Counter Cow told him the CSB was busy with a client. Then the Old Battleax called, and the new Counter Cow told her the same thing. When the Old Battleax called back and told the Counter Cow to get the CSB now, the Counter Cow walked in on the CSB throwing up on Taco Dave's lap while she was trying to give him a drunken blowjob, because she is still hot, and that's what hot girls do on the internet. She'd had a salad for lunch.
The CSB spent the rest of the afternoon screaming at the new Counter Cow that she was not to ever go into the office if the door was locked, or she would be fired. She told her not to tell anybody what she saw or why Taco Dave left the Lazy K with her pink State U. sweatshirt tied around his waist or she would be fired. The Counter Cow should be grateful to have a fucking job.
Then the CSB passed out in the back room with her dogs and their toys and the smell of vomit because the cleaning person doesn't come in until tomorrow.
Some people just can't keep their fucking mouths shut.
Taco Dave showed up and took the CSB to lunch, leaving his faggy little dogs behind to fight with the Poodle and piss on the ATVS and floor.
We welcomed the three hours of what passes for sanity at the Lazy K, and managed to get some work done. The Buddha resolved the wide receiver controversy on his fantasy football league, and Star wrote up Famous Nobody, the drag racing snitch nobody has ever heard of, for doing burnouts and wheelies across the parking lot on a customer's GSXR 600 that was in for a tire change until the old tire wore down to nothing and exploded.
When they got back, the CSB looked even more pie eyed than usual, and smelled of wine coolers and sour druggie sweat, and after stumbling the dogs through Weavepole Dave's weavepoles in front of the store a couple of times, she told the new Counter Cow who answers the phones to hold her calls, while she and Taco Dave went into the pass out room to discuss dog agility.
Freddie Fife called, and the Counter Cow told him the CSB was busy with a client. Then the Old Battleax called, and the new Counter Cow told her the same thing. When the Old Battleax called back and told the Counter Cow to get the CSB now, the Counter Cow walked in on the CSB throwing up on Taco Dave's lap while she was trying to give him a drunken blowjob, because she is still hot, and that's what hot girls do on the internet. She'd had a salad for lunch.
The CSB spent the rest of the afternoon screaming at the new Counter Cow that she was not to ever go into the office if the door was locked, or she would be fired. She told her not to tell anybody what she saw or why Taco Dave left the Lazy K with her pink State U. sweatshirt tied around his waist or she would be fired. The Counter Cow should be grateful to have a fucking job.
Then the CSB passed out in the back room with her dogs and their toys and the smell of vomit because the cleaning person doesn't come in until tomorrow.
Some people just can't keep their fucking mouths shut.
Someone's Getting Fired Today
From the time she staggered in early this afternoon, the CSB has been wandering the store saying, "someone's getting fired today."
The CSB doesn't know who to accuse of leaking the information about Freddie Fife finally deciding to dump her crazy ass to the world, so she's blaming everyone.
First, the CSB and Star cornered the Buddha at the computer where he sits and plays fantasy football now that there is a new Finance Manager, Juan Capistrano. The first person to apply for the Buddha's job got it, but instead of firing the Buddha, he has been relegated to sitting at the computer evaluating tight ends.
The Buddha denied having anything to do with spreading the bad news, even when Star asked if he'd be willing to submit to a polygraph. So they went on down the list of suspects.
Paco is safe, because the CSB thinks he's as loyal as one of her dogs, and that's how she treats him. So Star and the CSB decided to interrogate Mondo in the back room. Mondo denied saying anything, and is the best salesman, so Star told him not to, if he was.
With her shoulder hunched up and newfound limp that changes legs, the CSB resembled a cartoon hunchback as she stumbled around the showroom with her little dogs in tow repeating the clever phrase, "Someone's getting fired today."
Customers found this oddly amusing. Several laughed when she tripped over Bandit. It was distracting to the employees as they went around trying to do their jobs, especially the way the CSB tried to stare us down while her eyes rolled around in her head, hoping the crazed look would make someone break down and confess so he or she could be fired today.
She wandered back to parts and said someone is getting fired today, then accused the guys in the parts department of spreading the word. They denied it, so the CSB wandered back to service and threatened to fire everyone there too.
For some reason, idiots think it's cute to let their kids call the Lazy K and ask for the best price on something. Mondo got one of those calls, and told the kid he could have a brand new $5499 Honda CRF150 for $1999, if he came in and made sure to ask for Friar Tuck. Sure enough, the idiot got in his jacked up pickup truck and drove his brat a hundred miles to the Lazy K, and asked for Friar Tuck then called him a fucking liar when Friar Tuck said he never spoke to Idiot Jr. and wasn't going to sell him a $5499 Honda for $1999. The idiot then said he knows the CSB and wants to speak to her.
The CSB listened to the idiot, told him someone's getting fired today, then drifted out of the conversation and got on the phone to tell the Old Battleax that all these motherfucking liars are denying they said anything as soon as the idiot asked for the Lazy K to pay for his gas.
The idiot stormed out, turned around, came back and slammed the door, drove around the parking lot once and stopped in front of the Lazy K, honked his horn for a couple of minutes while he flipped us off screaming that Friar Tuck is a lying motherfucker and a motherfucking liar then burned rubber leaving the parking lot. He was pulled over half a block away and ticketed for not wearing a seatbelt.
The CSB made the Buddha leave the company computer just as he was selecting a quarterback so she could send these emails to the Rhino:
"If you are bucking for an invitation to our wedding...Forget it. WE DO NOT LIKE YOU. Never write Freddie again. Also you need a drivers license to get there so boo-hoo you are our of luck. Get a green card and a life while you are at it! Freddie loves me I love him sorry you can't get a man so you had become a lesbian. GOOD LUCK.......hahahahahahahahahah"
and,
"wassssssss a matter you e-mail my man. But scared of me huh?Life is so great now that you are gone."
Next, the CSB called Baby Hitler at the other Lazy K and accused him of spreading rumours that Freddie had dumped her. She told Baby Hitler she would get his ass fired if he did it again.
The CSB looked up from the computer and said, "someone's getting fired today."
Then the CSB passed out in the back room surrounded by her dogs and their toys and the Buddha got to select his quarterback.
The CSB doesn't know who to accuse of leaking the information about Freddie Fife finally deciding to dump her crazy ass to the world, so she's blaming everyone.
First, the CSB and Star cornered the Buddha at the computer where he sits and plays fantasy football now that there is a new Finance Manager, Juan Capistrano. The first person to apply for the Buddha's job got it, but instead of firing the Buddha, he has been relegated to sitting at the computer evaluating tight ends.
The Buddha denied having anything to do with spreading the bad news, even when Star asked if he'd be willing to submit to a polygraph. So they went on down the list of suspects.
Paco is safe, because the CSB thinks he's as loyal as one of her dogs, and that's how she treats him. So Star and the CSB decided to interrogate Mondo in the back room. Mondo denied saying anything, and is the best salesman, so Star told him not to, if he was.
With her shoulder hunched up and newfound limp that changes legs, the CSB resembled a cartoon hunchback as she stumbled around the showroom with her little dogs in tow repeating the clever phrase, "Someone's getting fired today."
Customers found this oddly amusing. Several laughed when she tripped over Bandit. It was distracting to the employees as they went around trying to do their jobs, especially the way the CSB tried to stare us down while her eyes rolled around in her head, hoping the crazed look would make someone break down and confess so he or she could be fired today.
She wandered back to parts and said someone is getting fired today, then accused the guys in the parts department of spreading the word. They denied it, so the CSB wandered back to service and threatened to fire everyone there too.
For some reason, idiots think it's cute to let their kids call the Lazy K and ask for the best price on something. Mondo got one of those calls, and told the kid he could have a brand new $5499 Honda CRF150 for $1999, if he came in and made sure to ask for Friar Tuck. Sure enough, the idiot got in his jacked up pickup truck and drove his brat a hundred miles to the Lazy K, and asked for Friar Tuck then called him a fucking liar when Friar Tuck said he never spoke to Idiot Jr. and wasn't going to sell him a $5499 Honda for $1999. The idiot then said he knows the CSB and wants to speak to her.
The CSB listened to the idiot, told him someone's getting fired today, then drifted out of the conversation and got on the phone to tell the Old Battleax that all these motherfucking liars are denying they said anything as soon as the idiot asked for the Lazy K to pay for his gas.
The idiot stormed out, turned around, came back and slammed the door, drove around the parking lot once and stopped in front of the Lazy K, honked his horn for a couple of minutes while he flipped us off screaming that Friar Tuck is a lying motherfucker and a motherfucking liar then burned rubber leaving the parking lot. He was pulled over half a block away and ticketed for not wearing a seatbelt.
The CSB made the Buddha leave the company computer just as he was selecting a quarterback so she could send these emails to the Rhino:
"If you are bucking for an invitation to our wedding...Forget it. WE DO NOT LIKE YOU. Never write Freddie again. Also you need a drivers license to get there so boo-hoo you are our of luck. Get a green card and a life while you are at it! Freddie loves me I love him sorry you can't get a man so you had become a lesbian. GOOD LUCK.......hahahahahahahahahah"
and,
"wassssssss a matter you e-mail my man. But scared of me huh?Life is so great now that you are gone."
Next, the CSB called Baby Hitler at the other Lazy K and accused him of spreading rumours that Freddie had dumped her. She told Baby Hitler she would get his ass fired if he did it again.
The CSB looked up from the computer and said, "someone's getting fired today."
Then the CSB passed out in the back room surrounded by her dogs and their toys and the Buddha got to select his quarterback.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)