You're Approved

Of the many applicants for the job recently vacated by the Buddha and the shifty guy, the only one who wasn't a figment of the CSB's imagination turned out to be Paco. So Paco got to be the Finance Manager.

Paco believes he knows all about being a Finance manager. He can submit applications and look at credit reports. Granted, watching him try to figure out what he's looking at is like watching a monkey trying to decipher a phone book. It's amusing if your livelyhood doesn't depend on the monkey calling someone.

So someone called the Lazy K from three counties away for one of the internet specials, and Mondo filled out a credit application. He took it to Paco, and that's when the fun began.

We aren't allowed to apply directly for credit anymore without a signed application, so all Paco could do was run a credit report and try to divine if what he read would allow the customer to qualify for a loan.

Paco decided it would.

Paco puffed out his little robin chest, "I can get this guy financed," he said confidently within earshot of the CSB.

So Mondo lured the potential victim into the store.

Three hours later, the victim and his entire family was at the Lazy K, and Paco had a signed application in front of him.

A half hour went by before Paco would admit to everyone that he had no chance in hell of getting the guy a loan, and then we had to listen to the guy rant about the three hours he took to get here, and that gas costs a lot.

"I can't help it if he has bad credit," said Paco, when the guy finally left.

"Tell that fucking idiot not to tell people they're approved until he gets a brain," the CSB said to Star.

Donuts

Famous Nobody, the drag racing snitch who nobody has ever heard of, can't drive the company truck anymore until the CSB wakes up. Ole Crusty got a phone call from a concerned citizen who saw Famous Nobody in the company pickup doing donuts in the parking lot of a local Baptist church. It had snowed recently, and the tires on the Company pickup are just about bald, and when Famous Nobody came back from retrieving a customer's VTX 1800 that Famous Nobody somehow managed to render inoperable when it came in for an oil change, he bragged about doing donuts with the bike in the back, so maybe Star will fire him.

That's what Ole Crusty told Star to do.

We are waiting for the CSB to wake up and decide if Star should fire Famous Nobody or not.

Peace, Love and Understanding

Big Jim Slade was on the road, heading as far away from the Lazy K as he could. He'd gotten that new job, and decided to have a little more fun with the inmates at the Lazy K.

Every morning, Big Jim called and asked for the CSB. When he was told the CSB wasn't at the Lazy K yet, Big Jim told the new Fat Bitch who answered the phone that he was returning the CSB's call, and that she had called late the previous night.

The inmates were concerned. Star wondered what would happen to his ability to make payments on the Meal Ticket's many purchases if he returned to being paid what he was worth, instead of being overpaid and still not making what a competent person earns. Paco wondered why he'd been passed over for promotion. He spent the next few days sucking up to the CSB, cleaning the dog shit and piss off the floor and polishing the bikes. Paco considered bringing the CSB some of the Vicodin his wife had left over from the last time she brought a little Paquito into the world.

The big day came when Big Jim called the CSB late enough in the day that she was awake and out of her coma. There was just a hint of drug induced stupor in her voice, as she was trying to straighten out so she could go to dog agility and not lose it and kick Bandit again in front of witnesses.

Big Jim asked the CSB if he got the fax with the job offer. The CSB said she had, but that she has to pass on hiring him.

"We've got 4 candidates for the position now," said the CSB.

Trying not to laugh, Big Jim replied that he was not surprised, considering how well the Lazy K is doing this year.

"We're having our best year ever," replied the CSB, "Making mucho dinero. And there is a lot of interest in working at the Lazy K."

"I'll bet there is. I saw that you're selling a lot of Yamahas."

"Yes, we're all about Peace and Love now, and we're moving to a new store," said the CSB, "No more Drama. I don't like Drama."

"I'll bet you'll do even better in a big new store," said Big Jim, grimacing to keep the laughter building inside from pouring out over the phone.

Free Quads for All the Neighbors

As Famous Nobody and the rest of the misfits who break customer's bikes were putting away the bikes one night, one of them noticed the lock was missing from the rear gate to the Lazy K.

The Service Department made a thorough inventory in the dark and realized a customer's Polaris ATV was missing. Star and the CSB wanted to get out of here on time, so they decided to call the police the next morning and report the quad stolen.

That morning, the CSB was nowhere to be found. Star called the Mothership and asked the Greedy Old Bitch if he should call the police and report the theft. The GOB told Star to wait until the CSB showed up, and don't tell the fucking customer anything about his unit until we figure out what happened. The CSB showed up later that afternoon, took a nap in the back with Mr. Pill and the Poodle, then regained consciousness and told Star to call the fucking police. When the police got here, we took another inventory and realized there were four ATVs missing. It's hard to see in the dark when you want to go home early.

The CSB told the Service Manager that when customers ask if we've repaired their missing ATVs, he needs to ask if they have fucking insurance, because we are not responsible for god damn units left for repair. then she left for dog agility training.

How do we go so long without missing that stuff?